# I always wanted to be addicted to escorts, but couldn't afford the dues - ask me anything **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 29, 2018, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397 "2018-03-29T06:29:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/21 "2018-03-29T20:00:49Z")
An escort in an escort. Hmmm? How did the car get that name? Ford has all those horse names. Pinto should have been named the Expire. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/22 "2018-03-29T21:42:23Z")
I always wanted to be a high class male escort catering to the subset of beautiful, rich women who want to pay me for sexy & maybe do some housework afterwards Didn’t work out ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/23 "2018-03-29T21:48:34Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > I always wanted to be a high class male escort catering to the subset of beautiful, rich women who want to pay me for sexy & maybe do some housework afterwards > > Didn’t work out With a name like _Delicious_ how could you miss? Seems perfect to me;). ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/24 "2018-03-29T21:50:18Z")
He’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a handjob today. ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/25 "2018-03-29T21:51:52Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Yes, that Mustang was an unbelievable turd in the performance department. It also had an electronic fuel line shutoff switch that would pop going down rough roads, over railroad tracks, etc. Luckily, the reset was easy to get to once you ran out of gas…again. I have multiple motorcycles that have more HP and weigh a fraction of the weight. > > The Escort had more pep (manual tranny helped) and got 40 MPG compared to the mid 20’s on the Mustang. > > My Pinto was the wagon form factor so not the explode’y type. It also had more pep than the Mustang. It also had the benefit of leaking and burning so much oil that I had the permanent Spy Hunter smoke screen going on. 😃 I had that Mustang, it was an unparalleled piece of shit. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/26 "2018-03-29T22:58:09Z")
I find myself lacking context, but at a quandary. Is it really worth reading the original thread this redirect to the Pit is referring to? ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/27 "2018-03-29T23:09:43Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > More like BJs, wholesale. 😃 Well played, sir, well played ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/28 "2018-03-30T01:15:40Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > My Pinto was the wagon form factor so not the explode’y type. It also had more pep than the Mustang. It also had the benefit of leaking and burning so much oil that I had the permanent Spy Hunter smoke screen going on. 😃 Hehehe, I had an EXP, the two-seat almost sports car\* version of an Escort. Mine had an easy to induce over-fueling condition that would make it backfire and belch black smoke for a few seconds afterward. I called it “James Bond” mode. My dad had an Escort from the same model year. It was much more fun. I drove a few other Escorts, and I had a 91 Escort GT that I still kind of look sideways at my wife for making me get rid of it at 300K miles. Wow, so I was actually addicted to Escorts. I kind of got over it. There were dues I was supposed to be paying? \*Yay, the sports car version has more weight, a tach, the same brakes and the same power. yayyy. Who the fuck designs these things? Oh yeah, we bought the EXP in a non-running condition because the previous owner had bent a valve. It was designed by the same jerks who decided an interference engine, a timing belt. and cam gears with NO MARKS were a good combo. I was addicted to this? Stuff your dues! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/29 "2018-03-30T01:28:03Z")
Nice post/poster combo. That truly looked like a scabpicking catharsis. I totally flashed on your ‘interference’ rant. Niiiiccee ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/30 "2018-03-30T03:12:27Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Nice post/poster combo. That truly looked like a scabpicking catharsis. I totally flashed on your ‘interference’ rant. Niiiiccee You really have no idea. It was a revelation when I started to realize that I at one point liked those cars. I picked this stupid name on a lark, and over time it has just proved more applicable the more I consider it. Not only the above, but I’m vain/stupid enough to sometimes read the things I post here to my wife. When I reached: > [@scabpicker](#): > > I drove a few other Escorts, and I had a 91 Escort GT that I still kind of look sideways at my wife for making me get rid of it at 300K miles. I was rightfully flipped the bird. Even though that Mazda B platform was pretty sweet with the BP engine, she’s heard all about it. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/31 "2018-03-30T03:39:17Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > I find myself lacking context, but at a quandary. Is it really worth reading the original thread this redirect to the Pit is referring to? Only if you feel like getting vaguely nauseated by the things strangers insist on sharing on the Dope. Otherwise, I’d say this is the better thread. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/32 "2018-03-30T04:02:19Z")
If I was hypothetically addicted to escorts, I’d worry about the effect it could have on my hypothetical wife and kids. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/33 "2018-03-30T04:06:31Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > More like BJs, wholesale. 😃 Reese Witherspoon demonstrates [what happens when you try to lowball the price](https://youtu.be/z6538xS8WLA). ---
**Author:** ![Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/34 "2018-03-30T06:19:08Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > If I was hypothetically addicted to escorts, I’d worry about the effect it could have on my hypothetical wife and kids. Why, you’d have to go through an hypothetical divorce, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/35 "2018-03-30T06:53:29Z")
I was addicted to escorts. Then I went cold turkey. But remember folks, [TOP-TIPS]you have to microwave them at up at least room temperature first![TOP-TIPS] ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/36 "2018-03-30T11:26:28Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > I always wanted to be a high class male escort catering to the subset of beautiful, rich women who want to pay me for sexy & maybe do some housework afterwards That was exactly my job throughout the 70s and early 80s[sup]1[/sup] (I didn’t do housework, though[sup]2[/sup]) whenever I wasn’t otherwise occupied being a secret agent for MI5. It worked out well because most of the beautiful women who hired my services turned out to be lascivious Russian spies, who thereby got fucked both literally and figuratively[sup]3[/sup]. Ask me anything. [sup]1[/sup] No, but since the morons who start these kinds of threads (and don’t intend them to be parodies) just make shit up, I figured I might as well get in on it. [sup]2[/sup] True. [sup]3[/sup] They might have been, if there had been any. It turns out that beautiful lascivious Russian spies are surprisingly hard to find. I think **Shagnasty** gets them all. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/37 "2018-03-30T17:58:45Z")
I might have more questions **wolfpup** if you left off the footnotes. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/38 "2018-03-30T18:48:33Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > I find myself lacking context, but at a quandary. Are you throwing stuff down there? ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/39 "2018-03-31T09:04:08Z")
Sorry, but I’d really like to be able to understand the context (though I did own a Ford Escort, too). Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2018, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397/40 "2018-03-31T11:21:03Z")
I’m thinking is not the dues that are challenging so much as the delusions. I mean, you gotta convince yourself that the ‘provider’ for your ‘hobby’ isn’t, y’know, damaged/traumatized/previously sexploited, they just happen to groove on renting out their body for you to use. They really wanna ‘provide’ for you and are all just college girls without pimps, looking to make extra pocket money. You’re paying cash, and skulking around, all to rent the body, of someone’s daughter, (with zero emotional/social connection), for like twenty minutes, so you can reach orgasm. And done. It’s not the dues, it’s the delusions and what you have revealed about your true nature (to yourself), which has to be WAY harder to live with, I should think. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-always-wanted-to-be-addicted-to-escorts-but-couldnt-afford-the-dues-ask-me-anything/811397.md?page=3)