# I am 17. It's dark and raining and this creep is following me, what should I do? Need answer fast. **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 4, 2012, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864 "2012-04-04T23:32:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/1 "2012-04-04T23:32:38Z")
I am a 17 year old kid in Florida. It’s dark and raining, and this creepy guy has been tailing me and won’t leave me alone. Driving slowly next to me. He’s making me pretty scared. My girlfriend thinks I should run. I’m not hurting anyone. I just wanted to get my brother some Skittles and myself a tea. Now he’s ignoring my questions and aggressively approaching me. I don’t know what he wants, but he makes me really scared. Would I be wrong to try to defend myself? **Note by posting to this thread you agree to seriously answer the question as posed as though it was being asked by your own child, unless you have already answered, in which case you agree to limit your discussion to either yours or debating and/or critiquing others answers. You agree that anything else is thread shitting/trolling.** The purpose of this thread is to explore the position that following someone in a reasonably threatening manor does not create a self defense situation. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/2 "2012-04-04T23:35:38Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > **Note by posting to this thread you agree to seriously answer the question as posed as though it was being asked by your own child, unless you have already answered, in which case you agree to limit your discussion to either yours or debating and/or critiquing others answers. You agree that anything else is thread shitting/trolling.** I do not agree, and your post is not a binding requirement. By replying to this you agree that you like to have sex with sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/3 "2012-04-04T23:37:48Z")
I would also suggest that if someone is aggressively aproaching you, posting on a messagebaord is probably the wrong course of action. Since you’ve determined it’s aggressive you have two choices: 1. Do you feel able to defend yourself and your girlfriend? 1a) If yes, is this easier than moving away? 2. Absent that, move away. 3. Call cops, not SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/4 "2012-04-04T23:40:56Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > **You agree that anything else is thread shitting/trolling.** I recognize that this is hypothetical, but I remind you that accusations of trolling are not allowed in this forum. > [@Candyman74](#): > > I do not agree, and your post is not a binding requirement. > > By replying to this you agree that you like to have sex with sheep. Knock it off. You’re not required to accept the OP’s premises for discussion, but if you don’t even want to talk about them, don’t post in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/5 "2012-04-04T23:44:30Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Now he’s ignoring my questions and aggressively approaching me. I don’t know what he wants, but he makes me really scared. Would I be wrong to try to defend myself? Why the hell are you talking to the asshole? Ignore him and get the fuck home. > [@](#): > > The purpose of this thread is to explore the position that following someone in a reasonably threatening manor does not create a self defense situation. Is it an actual manor, or just a really nice house? ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/6 "2012-04-04T23:44:39Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > You’re threadshitting here. Knock it off. You’re not required to accept the OP’s premises for discussion, but if you don’t even want to talk about them, don’t post in this thread. I did - my follow up post directly addressed the question he asked! I just found the bolded delaration to be a little rude. I literaly did exactly what he did. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/7 "2012-04-04T23:50:42Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > I did - my follow up post directly addressed the question he asked! I just found the bolded delaration to be a little rude. I literaly did exactly what he did. Fair enough. I revised my note in post #4. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/8 "2012-04-04T23:56:45Z")
(Will play along) Head for an occupied building. This answer depends on you being in an area with occupied buildings rather than out on a dirt road between two dark and scary cornfields, but since you didn’t say I feel at liberty to make assumptions. Possibly the place you bought your skittles and tea an option, if that’s still nearby, but any open business would be good. Failing that, it depends on where you are and what he’s doing. Your paragraph is unclear if he’s still in his car or not. If he is, keep walking, fast but not running, and avoiding dead ends or unknown territory. Try not to get too cute about ducking into alleys or whatever to avoid his car, if that might put you in a dead end. If he _has_ gotten out of his car, feel free to start running. The goal is to get to where there are other people, if possible, preferably in a well-lit and reputable area like one of those buildings mentioned earlier. Don’t fight the guy unless you _absolutely have to_. Even if you think you can win. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/9 "2012-04-05T00:01:46Z")
Florida has a ‘stand your ground’ law, so do just that and you will be within your rights to defend yourself. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/10 "2012-04-05T00:07:10Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > You’re threadshitting here. Knock it off. You’re not required to accept the OP’s premises for discussion, but if you don’t even want to talk about them, don’t post in this thread. Thank you. If the bold part of the OP crosses a line, please remove it. [QUOTE=Candyman74] I would also suggest that if someone is aggressively aproaching you, posting on a messagebaord is probably the wrong course of action. Since you’ve determined it’s aggressive you have two choices: 1. Do you feel able to defend yourself and your girlfriend? 1a) If yes, is this easier than moving away? 2. Absent that, move away. 3. Call cops, not SDMB. [/QUOTE] Apparently the OP wasn’t clear and that’s solely my fault. The girlfriend in the scenario was on the phone. > [@furt](#): > > Why the hell are you talking to the asshole? Ignore him and get the fuck home. I agree retreat is a preferable option. However it isn’t a magic option if someone is pursuing. > [@](#): > > Is it an actual manor, or just a really nice house? You know what. If that kind of thing makes you happy, thanks alot for the spelling correction. (enjoy! :)) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/11 "2012-04-05T00:13:59Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > (Will play along) > > Head for an occupied building. This answer depends on you being in an area with occupied buildings rather than out on a dirt road between two dark and scary cornfields, but since you didn’t say I feel at liberty to make assumptions. Possibly the place you bought your skittles and tea an option, if that’s still nearby, but any open business would be good. > > Failing that, it depends on where you are and what he’s doing. Your paragraph is unclear if he’s still in his car or not. If he is, keep walking, fast but not running, and avoiding dead ends or unknown territory. Try not to get too cute about ducking into alleys or whatever to avoid his car, if that might put you in a dead end. If he _has_ gotten out of his car, feel free to start running. The goal is to get to where there are other people, if possible, preferably in a well-lit and reputable area like one of those buildings mentioned earlier. > > Don’t fight the guy unless you _absolutely have to_. Even if you think you can win. Thank you, I think that’s a well reasoned answer, despite my ambiguity. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/12 "2012-04-05T00:33:37Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Now he’s ignoring my questions and aggressively approaching me. I don’t know what he wants, but he makes me really scared. Would I be wrong to try to defend myself? What do you believe that you are defending yourself against? What do you mean by “aggressively approaching”. Is the guy yelling threats? Is he approaching in a fighting stance with fists raised? I would consider those to be " aggressively approaching", and IMHO you would have every right to defend yourself is that were the case. Is the guy just walking towards you calmly with his hands by his side? Or walking towards you while talking on his cellphone? That isn’t " aggressively approaching" you, and you have nothing to defend yourself against. Here is what I would tell my child: > [@](#): > > Yes, it would be wrong to attack someone just because they frighten you. Very, very wrong. > > What do think would happen if every time that someone got frightened because they were being followed at night chose to attack their follower? You are already a 6’2" man even at your age, how many times do you think that you have frightened people by walking behind them at night, or approaching them to ask questions? > > Being Black just adds to this. As Jesse Jackson notes, almost everyone gets frightened when they see a Black man following them at night. Do you really think it would be a good thing that everyone who was frightened because a 6’2" Black man with gold teeth was following them at night decided to respond by attacking him? > > You don’t agree son? That’s good. > > If this guy is incontrovertibly acting aggressive and you feel that you have absolutely no other choice, then by all means defend yourself. But you better be damn sure that you really _have no other choice_. > > You aren’t a schoolboy any more and this isn’t a schoolyard fight that you are starting. > > You are initiating a violent attack on another grown man about whom you know nothing. That is never, ever a smart move. Any confrontation can lead to someone being crippled or killed. If you start a fight with another adult, you have to be prepared to kill him, or be killed yourself, because once it starts, the teachers are not going to pull you apart. As I’ve explained before, that doesn’t mean that you should try to kill him, or that I believe most fights end up with someone dead, it simply means that that is a very real possibility, and what happens a dozen times a day in this country. Two men start fighting, one gets knocked down and then gets kicked repeatedly and end sup with brain damage or other crippling injuries. And then you have to consider that this guy may have a weapon. If you attack him, he may well panic and use it. Thatis also a frighteningly common scenario. > > So if you initiate a fight against an adult, be prepared for them to try to kill you. And be prepared to kill them if that is what it takes to save your own life. And be prepared that if you do kill them, you will go to jail, regardless of how justified it was. The world is not fair, you need to make a decision whether 5 years in jail is better than the risk of being dead or crippled. > > Those are the facts. This is the real world we are discussing. It is not a movie and it is not a schoolyard fight. Fighting in the real world is literally deadly serious. We don’t fight to intimidate people, or to prove to ourselves or others that we are tough. We fight to defend ours lives. You should not be surprised that other do the same. > > So you better be damn sure that you need to defend yourself before you initiate this confrontation. Fighting is \*never \*the best course of action and very rarely the only course of action. > > So tell me, son, are you sure that you cannot get away? That you cannot knock on the door of a nearby house or yell “fire” repeatedly to get attention, the way that I taught you your entire life. That you can’t kick the fender of a car to set off the alarm? Are you positive that you can’t do any of those things that I taught you? > > Son, you might think it’s wussy to yell for help like that, but it is the sensible option. It’s the option that man would take. If you decide to fight without trying those options then God help you. Because even if you win, you are looking at a battery charge. And if you lose, you might well be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. > > So for God’s sake my boy, only start this fight if you have no way at all of getting help and if the guy is coming for you with his fists raise. Please, please, please don’t attack someone just because they are following you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/13 "2012-04-05T00:34:06Z")
Yarg, enter too soon. I meant to add for **begbert2** I really should of had someone proof read the OP. I meant the guy was on foot at the ignored question stage. A child almost certainly wouldn’t have the experience to judge when to wisely attempt self defense vs retreat. Retreat almost always being the best option, despite youthful cockiness pushing the opposite route. So your post, especially the last part is very prudent. However I have to ask, would fighting the guy who won’t stop perusing be self defense? Even if very unwise. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/14 "2012-04-05T00:43:19Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > However I have to ask, would fighting the guy who won’t stop perusing be self defense? No, not legally or morally or ethically or practically. Self defence means defending yourself. Someone following you on a public road does not constitute a threat, and does not require you to defend yourself. Claiming that being followed is causing you physical harm is as ridiculous as claiming that someone calling you names is causing you physical harm. Sure, there are some extremely rare circumstances where someone following you could be a prelude to an actual attack, but that doesn’t justify a claim of self defence. There are just as many times when being asked for a quarter is a prelude to an attack. Do you think that means that everyone should respond to bums by punching them in the jaw and then bashing their head against the pavement? There have been plenty of home invasions initiated by someone knocking on the door and asking to use a phone. Do you think that justifies me shooting anyone who knocks on my door and asks to use the phone? The fact is that a sidewalk is public property, anyone has a right to walk there and anyone had a right to talk to anyone who walks there. If you are disturbed by people walking on public sidewalks and talking to you at night, you have to make the choice to stay inside at night, or drive everywhere. You being disturbed doesn’t constitute an attack and it doesn’t constitute “self defence”. People get frightened because they were being followed all the time. 99% of the time it was needless. Do you think it would be acceptable or desirable for everyone who was frightened because a big Black man was following them at night to turn around and attack him on the grounds that they were defeinding themselves? ---
**Author:** ![Terr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Terr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terr)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/15 "2012-04-05T00:58:10Z")
Please define “aggressively approaching me”. And since you didn’t answer HIS question (as in “What are you doing here?”) then I guess you’re ignoring his questions as well. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/16 "2012-04-05T01:00:55Z")
Dial 911, describe the guy to the police, and keep heading home. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/17 "2012-04-05T01:05:15Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > I agree retreat is a preferable option. However it isn’t a magic option if someone is pursuing. In a middle-class neighborhood during the early evening? Of course it’s an option. Run to a house with the lights on and scream “help, somebody call the police, some guy is chasing me!” Failing that, hang up on me and call 911. Or, failing that, stay on the line and I’ll have my wife call 911 on her phone. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/18 "2012-04-05T01:09:25Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Apparently the OP wasn’t clear and that’s solely my fault. The girlfriend in the scenario was on the phone. You have a freakin’ _phone_? Why the fuck are you talking to your girlfriend. Tell her where you are and ask her to call 911. Then immediately hang up and you call 911. Talk loudly and make sure the guy knows that you are calling 911. This is the very, very least that you can do in this scenario. Any initiation of violence on your part before you call the police is utterly and totally unjustifiable. You haven’t even tried the most obvious non-violent attempt to prevent confrontation. You are clearly not defending yourself, you are looking for a fight. Whatever you get, you deserve. If you get out of this alive, I am going to disown you. No son of mine is going to attack people on the street for no reason at all. The fact that you have a phone and are in contact with friends and have made no attempt whatsoever to call the police takes this to a whole new level. There is no longer any doubt in my mind on this issue. You are not defending yourself. You are looking for an excuse to assault someone. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/19 "2012-04-05T01:14:03Z")
> [@furt](#): > > In a middle-class neighborhood during the early evening? Of course it’s an option. Run to a house with the lights on and scream “help, somebody call the police, some guy is chasing me!” Or run into the street shouting “Help Fire! Fire”. Or kick the fender of a parked car so hard that the alarm is triggered. Or cross to the other side of the street while yelling loudly to the guy that he is scaring you. There are infinite options available here that must be exercised before you have any possible right to initiate an attack on someone who has committed no crime and hasn’t so much as touched you. It’s astonishing that someone who apparently believes that being punched in the head doesn’t justify self defence, believes that merely being followed is sufficient grounds for attacking a complete stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864/20 "2012-04-05T01:17:10Z")
Assuming you are heading home or to the place where you are staying, call them and ask them to come out to meet you. That is faster than 911. If no one is there, call 911, and yell that you’ve done so. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-17-its-dark-and-raining-and-this-creep-is-following-me-what-should-i-do-need-answer-fast/617864.md?page=2)