# I am a cultural putz **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2005, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290 "2005-11-16T09:37:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/1 "2005-11-16T09:37:29Z")
I learned something tonight about my own assumptions, and it was slightly painful. One of my co-workers and I have had problems with each other, he feels I yelled at him and I felt he was ordering instead of asking. We were meeting in my boss’ cube to talk about the flair up that happened tonight. We are sitting in seats diagonally across from each other with our boss to my right and to his left. He was looking at either the floor or my boss the entire time we were talking. He would not look at me, let alone make eye contact. This lack of eye contact has always bugged me about him, especially because he would make eye contact with all the other member of my team. So he says tonight he says “Reepicheep, I have always respected you like my sister. I respect you so much I will not look at you when we talk, just like I would not look at my mother when we talk. In my culture men show respect by not looking at a woman.” Frell, I feel lower then whale dren. The fact that he always looked away or at the ground I have always taken to mean he was lying or being deceptive. All the time he was showing me respect that I took as disrespect. His pattern of speech grates on my nerves, but he uses it with everyone so I know it is not meant as disrespect. However, to find out tonight that something I have always taken as being dismissive of me was really meant as respectful makes me feel very uncomfortable about my own ability to bridge culture divides. I am a putz. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![matt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@matt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/2 "2005-11-16T12:13:11Z")
Chill, it works both ways! You could explain back to him about what eye aversion means in _your_ culture. Then you’ve both learned something valuable. I had a fellow student from Libya who felt a comfortable distance for conversation was about a foot away. We used to waltz in slow motion as he stood too close for me, making me uncomfortable, and then I’d back off too far for him, making him uncomfortable. Neither one of us was at fault. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/3 "2005-11-16T12:47:56Z")
**Reepicheep** , you are not a putz. I don’t know where you live or what culture either of you were raised in, but I’ve never had direct experience with a culture where respect was shown by avoiding eye contact. How were you to know? ---
**Author:** ![Dorjan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorjan/32/12440_2.png) [@Dorjan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dorjan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/4 "2005-11-16T13:49:51Z")
Where’s that guy from? ---
**Author:** ![Reepicheep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@Reepicheep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reepicheep)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/5 "2005-11-16T14:06:06Z")
> [@Dorjän](#): > > Where’s that guy from? Senegal ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-cultural-putz/331290/6 "2005-11-16T14:06:40Z")
I agree! You learned something, and he needs to learn something too. Don’t feel badly; how were you to know unless you were told? Now you have been, and you can work on better relations.