# I am a genie, and you have been granted 1 wish. You have 5 seconds to make it. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321 "2003-07-27T22:19:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/41 "2003-07-28T01:47:31Z")
I want humans to be fully telepathic creatures. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/42 "2003-07-28T01:59:17Z")
I wish I knew what the hell is wrong with me. ---
**Author:** ![mrsPBB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@mrsPBB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrsPBB)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/43 "2003-07-28T03:19:25Z")
I would like enough money to pay all my bills every month with enough left over to be comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/44 "2003-07-28T03:47:16Z")
I want you to make me a prince. “I can show you the world…shining, shimmering, splendid…” ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/45 "2003-07-28T03:47:53Z")
I want to never have another car accident. or I want to be insanely lucky in a good way for the rest of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/46 "2003-07-28T04:37:35Z")
I wish it hadn’t taken the hamsters so long to open this thread for me to read; I figure I missed my 5-second deadline by, oh, 5 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/47 "2003-07-28T05:12:42Z")
Now that Nitek has fixed the genie… I wish for infinite God-like omnipotence and omniscience. Nitek, what do you want as a reward? Oh, wait… I’m omniscient… I already know! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/48 "2003-07-28T05:33:56Z")
Since Cmosdes said he or she was leaving the thread, I guess I’ll use my newfound omnipotence to take care of all these dangling wishes: Modro: we now have a new president… Dick Cheney. Hebespheno-whatever: okay, you’re second to me in power. If that’s a setback… hey, it’s the best I can do. RobertLigouri: Look! A rock so big, even I can’t lift it! T-keela: you’re a genie! You’re trapped in the traditional bottle until someone opens it, after which you must obey him or her without question. Delly: I’ll do better… I’ll make your whole head go away! Loopus: Too easy… you’re a sandwich! Zyada: Done! Sadly, you’ve just been deported. Mastema: One hive-mind, coming up! Lumpy: Lack of self-knowledge, apparently. MrsPBB: Done! You can’t be seen, heard, or felt by anyone, and all record or memory of your existence has been erased, so you have no bills, and can do whatever you want. XVXDarkknight: Done! Prince is a nice name for a German Shepard, don’t you think? SuperGnat: okay, never another car accident. You might want to avoid walking, swimming, aircraft, boats, trains, and buses, though. ``` Phnord: Okay, make a wish! ``` ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/49 "2003-07-28T05:39:36Z")
It’s funny, with the time constraint all I could think of was that I’d wish for being together with my soulmate (met her already and lost her, although people keep telling me “Ah, but then it wasn’t your soulmate!”). This is indeed strange as my usual wish when not pressed for time (ah, the irony!) is immortality, preferably in a Highlander kind of way. ---
**Author:** ![SkyBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/50 "2003-07-28T10:00:05Z")
Please create a space craft for me so that I can get the fuck off this planet. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Rapunzel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Rapunzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rapunzel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/51 "2003-07-28T11:09:41Z")
Can you send a first class plane ticket to my friend in America? Marvellous! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/52 "2003-07-28T14:17:03Z")
A 10 inch pianist. :eek: No, wait!!! :smack: MeanJoe ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/53 "2003-07-28T14:21:42Z")
I wish I’d not gone to bed before getting last night’s wish granted to me, dammit!! ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/54 "2003-07-28T15:27:59Z")
I would like a lovely new job, please. Thanks a bunch. Oh, nice turban, by the way. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spurious\_George](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Spurious\_George](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spurious_George)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/55 "2003-07-28T17:15:43Z")
Never age or die. In keeping with the OP, I wished instantly and didn’t read all the responses. Dammit, now I’m going to be the last man on earth, bored out of my freaking seven-billion year old skull. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/56 "2003-07-28T18:21:08Z")
I would ask for a million more wishes of course! ---
**Author:** ![Moeman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Moeman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moeman)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/57 "2003-07-28T18:23:00Z")
Knowledge of everything, past, present and future. ---
**Author:** ![hebesphenomegacorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b9e5f3/32.png) [@hebesphenomegacorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hebesphenomegacorona)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/58 "2003-07-28T19:50:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Vlad Dracul \* > **Hebespheno-whatever: okay, you’re second to me in power. If that’s a setback… hey, it’s the best I can do.** How can you be beyond omnipotent? 😕 “I would ask for a million more wishes of course!” **Rabid squirrel tried that. only works if you specifically wish for wishes from the genie.** “A 10 inch pianist. No, wait!!!” **Ya know, that ain’t so bad.** "Never age or die. In keeping with the OP, I wished instantly and didn’t read all the responses. Dammit, now I’m going to be the last man on earth, bored out of my freaking seven-billion year old skull." **You could just use skybum’s spacecraft to go to another inhabited planet.** “Please create a space craft for me so that I can get the fuck off this planet. Thank you” \*\*You’ve just went to the sun. You’re welcome.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/59 "2003-07-28T20:07:03Z")
Two words: GOAL WEIGHT If I have only five seconds, I will be selfish. ---
**Author:** ![Phatlewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Phatlewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phatlewt)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321/60 "2003-07-28T20:53:21Z")
The evil genie is fun to play. You get to do things like: Give **Rapunzel** ’s friend a non-refundable 1st class ticket to Omaha, Nebraska Grant a million more wishes that expire in five seconds to the various “more wish” wishers. Make **Gazelle** weigh 650 pounds, the (approx) weight of a NCAA football regulation goalpost. My wish would be: “I wish for the immediate and permanent termination of your existence, genie.” I think that’s the best I could do, given that the genie is evil… Who can twist that one? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-genie-and-you-have-been-granted-1-wish-you-have-5-seconds-to-make-it/191321.md?page=4)