# I Am A Killer - But It Was An Accident, I Swear! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835 "2006-04-23T05:46:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/1 "2006-04-23T05:46:47Z")
It was a lovely, sunny day. I opened the garage door and walked out to check on all of my plants starting to grow. Then I got into my car and backed up. Suddenly, there was an odd sound; sort of like I might have driven over a Styrofoam box. I got out of the car and looked. Death happened. For the queasy, don’t read on. Seriously. It ain’t pretty. My neighbor’s backyard turtle (shell about as large as a CD) had escaped construction going on at their house and had hidden by my garage door and must have sneaked into the garage while I was smelling the roses. I had driven over the poor thing and despite what you see on cartoon programs, turtle shells really are not all that strong. I felt really horrible. Now I had to let the neighbors know. I made the phone call and the woman of the house was more than a tad upset, although she didn’t blame me. At first, she contemplated a funeral. Then she told me to dispose of it as she couldn’t bare to see it. So, rather unceremoniously, the turtle was wrapped in a WalMart bag and was escorted to its final resting place by the Silver State Sanitation Department. I am truly sorry and hope this does not lead to bad karma…it was an accident, I swear! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/2 "2006-04-23T05:51:11Z")
As the caregiver to a couple turtles, I absolve you of your sins. They’re stubborn little bastards that go where they damned please. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_O\_Malley\_s\_Cow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Mrs\_O\_Malley\_s\_Cow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_O_Malley_s_Cow)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/3 "2006-04-23T06:01:29Z")
There are about 14 inappropriate (but hilarious) jokes that could be made about this incident but I will leave that to the more uncouth members of the board. LOL I am sorry for their loss. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/4 "2006-04-23T17:19:39Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > … > I am truly sorry and hope this does not lead to bad karma…it was an accident, I swear! In order to repair your karma you will now have to stop everytime you see a turtle trying to cross the road and make sure it gets to the other side unscathed. Only then will the Karma Turtle\* be appeased. \*What? You didn’t know there was a Karma Turtle? Well, if there’s a Karma Chameleon there must be a Karma Turtle. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/5 "2006-04-23T18:39:45Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > \*What? You didn’t know there was a Karma Turtle? Well, if there’s a Karma Chameleon there must be a Karma Turtle. Bad **Wile E**! Ok, it was funny. And I own a turtle, too, and I absolve you. But I agree you must help turtles across the road. ---
**Author:** ![myskepticsight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@myskepticsight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/myskepticsight)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/6 "2006-04-23T18:42:03Z")
I’ve seen a turtle squished by a car before. It was pretty gross. But that sucks. I like turtles. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/7 "2006-04-23T19:19:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Bad **Wile E**! > Ok, it was funny. And I own a turtle, too, and I absolve you. But I agree you must help turtles across the road. When I see a desert tortoise on a two lane road getting ready to cross I stop and carry it across. You’re supposed to set them down going the same direction you picked them up. On no account would I do this on a divided highway even though I’m all for preserving them. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/8 "2006-04-23T19:29:11Z")
My brother was showing off on his brand new fancy-schmancy riding lawn mower when he ran over a large turtle-tortoise thing. Sliced a big chunk out of its shell. It was all bloody & icky & gross. We rushed it to the vet who more or less repaired it with epoxy. We don’t know if it lived, but we hope it did. I still pull out this story every time I want to make my brother feel bad. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/9 "2006-04-23T20:37:28Z")
When I was in high school, I hit a turtle at about 60 miles an hour on my way to school one morning. It made quite the bloody mess on the road. Left a stain for a couple of months. I felt horrible about it. (I was going to Fort Myers and was just on the other side of the Sanibel Causeway toll booth. Watch out for creepy-crawlies coming out of the mangroves if you’re driving there.) ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-a-killer-but-it-was-an-accident-i-swear/353835/10 "2006-04-23T21:48:11Z")
Be careful next time too , the hare might be comming by.