# I am an Eternal Fountein of Advice and Knowledge **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708 "2006-03-31T15:45:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/21 "2006-03-31T17:29:40Z")
Dear Fountain: What’s this rash? **MBG** ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/22 "2006-03-31T17:33:53Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > prettyprettyprettyprettyprettypretty please will a mod fix my title? It’s hard to be an everlasting fountain of knowledge and have to worry about mundane things such as typing Surely an everlasting fountain of knowledge woud know that a better way to make such a request would be to use the report bad post button. You can’t expect the mods to be reading every footnote of every thread posting. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/23 "2006-03-31T17:35:06Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > Dear Fountain: > > What’s this rash? > > **MBG** Fountain replies: It’s a rash, silly. Stop scratching it, and it’ll go away. Think of it as a mosquito bite in a delicate place. It probably needs to air out, too so…no…not now…put your pants back on… Mr. Bus Guy, please put your Bus Pants back on right this instant. Thanks. Yeesh, some people… I have spoken. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/24 "2006-03-31T17:37:49Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > Surely an everlasting fountain of knowledge woud know that a better way to make such a request would be to use the report bad post button. You can’t expect the mods to be reading every footnote of every thread posting. I don’t expect the mods to be as fountainous as myself when it comes to knowledge. I do, however, throw that nugget in to my pilgrims as an explanation of why/what I was thinking. I may need a mod assigned to this thread. It may grow in such importance. I may have to bring it up to Cecil. I’ll see him at our afternoon racketball game. We’re against Vishnu and Buddha today. Beating a player that can hold 7 rackets is NOT easy. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/25 "2006-03-31T17:38:26Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > Surely an everlasting fountain of knowledge woud know that a better way to make such a request would be to use the report bad post button. You can’t expect the mods to be reading every footnote of every thread posting. I don’t expect the mods to be as fountainous as myself when it comes to knowledge. I do, however, throw that nugget in to my pilgrims as an explanation of why/what I was thinking. I may need a mod assigned to this thread. It may grow in such importance. I may have to bring it up to Cecil. I’ll see him at our afternoon racketball game. We’re against Vishnu and Buddha today. Beating a player that can hold 7 rackets is NOT easy. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/26 "2006-03-31T17:47:22Z")
Hi, um, my step sister, like, I sometimes worry that she eats too much. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/27 "2006-03-31T17:50:49Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > Hi, um, my step sister, like, I sometimes worry that she eats too much. So do I. Have you a question, or did you want to point your sister out to me? If so, place the offering on my right side. If I am to solve this problem, I propose discipline/activity. Maybe you can make an activity out of discipline. Perhaps you can get a midget with a fishing rod with a ham at the end of the string to mount her shoulders. That’d combine the two rather nicely. Even Cecil loves midgets. I have spoken. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/28 "2006-03-31T17:52:33Z")
I thought mystical wise men (and women I suppose) were supposed to be [**founts**](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fount) of knowledge. Since you’re evidently a misspelled fountain of knowledge… does that mean you just spout off at the mouth? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/29 "2006-03-31T18:00:43Z")
> [@Who\_me?](#): > > I thought mystical wise men (and women I suppose) were supposed to be [**founts**](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fount) of knowledge. Since you’re evidently a misspelled fountain of knowledge… does that mean you just spout off at the mouth? > 😉 In the same vein, I could also be a “font” of knowledge. I’m extending such wisdom to the masses. Do you converse in English to a pit bull? I wouldn’t expect the public to understand such things in my divine tongue. Additionally, I spout off not only at the mouth, but other various orfices. Beware, the posterior one is aiming at you. ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/30 "2006-03-31T18:17:13Z")
Is that Playboyesque chick really interested in me, or is it that I just won $300 million on the lottery? ---
**Author:** ![David\_Simmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de053/32.png) [@David\_Simmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_Simmons)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/31 "2006-03-31T18:26:49Z")
My wife doesn’t believe it’s [me.](http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dwsimm2000/detail?.dir=8cf7&.dnm=a6b9.jpg&.src=ph) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/32 "2006-03-31T18:27:14Z")
> [@David Simmons](#): > > Is that Playboyesque chick really interested in me, or is it that I just won $300 million on the lottery? Both. She loves your knowledge of fine wines and cheeses and likes the way you can banter on about architectural design and fine art. She likes that you appreciate beauty in all of God’s creatures. Of course… The fact that you have money coming out of your cornhole means you can provide such things to/for her. Hell, she never even knew how to pronounce “Maserati” or “Maybach” properly before she met you. Now that she’s seen one (and cooed lovingly over it) and knows you can supply such things, she’ll be there until your cornhole stays packed with dead presidents. My advice to you is to keep her on her toes. Start Heffing it up and get a bevy of beauties. You’ve gotta keep the gals in line by offering competition. They get complacent if they know they’ve got you shackled and they won’t go anywhere if you’ve got the golden egg. Besides, not only do you benefit, but you get to get them to learn how to be better/more well-rounded people by doing such! Besides, catfights in that giant water fountain in your driveway are good for everyone, including the neighbors (wth binoculars). ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/33 "2006-03-31T18:38:29Z")
> [@David Simmons](#): > > My wife doesn’t believe it’s [me.](http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/dwsimm2000/detail?.dir=8cf7&.dnm=a6b9.jpg&.src=ph) If’n that is you, I highly suggest that you get rid of the wife. What’s better? One expensive wife, or a half dozen beauties that add up to the cost of one wife? I thought so. Additionally, it looks like you’re going to die next week. Live it up and ball 'til you fall. Be sure to bequeath your left over money to a good place. A few charities spring to mind, as does one college-aged young man. I’ll be sure to tell him the check is in the mail… I have spoken. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/34 "2006-03-31T18:38:32Z")
Now that I’ve got the Aztec killing kittens wall and lunch out of the way, what do you recommend for my dining room and dinner. Additionally, how do I refinish my wood floors on a budget of $50.00 and little labor. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/35 "2006-03-31T18:40:50Z")
> [@brujo](#): > > Now that I’ve got the Aztec killing kittens wall and lunch out of the way, what do you recommend for my dining room and dinner. > > Additionally, how do I refinish my wood floors on a budget of $50.00 and little labor. What are you trying to convey in the dining room? Red makes people eat. Painting intestines on the wall might want people to not eat. Are you trying to drive your guests away there as well? As for the wood floor, do you live near an arena that is host to an NBA franchise? If so, use the money in gas and crowbars. Sneak in late at night and pilfer all the wood you need from half court. They don’t need that…much. ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/36 "2006-03-31T18:44:17Z")
What should I say in my very first SDMB post? Can you provide me with something witty, yet not **too** confrontational? Oh, shoot… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/37 "2006-03-31T18:59:23Z")
> [@Fetchund](#): > > What should I say in my very first SDMB post? Can you provide me with something witty, yet not **too** confrontational? > Oh, shoot… :smack: Well, seeing as how your cherry has been decimated in my thread, I should at least give you some sort of advice. Start a thread. Title it “Welcome the New Guy or I Kill all the Kittens”. Many cat lovers on this board. You’ll get attention. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/38 "2006-03-31T19:23:20Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > Odds are, you’re speaking of the socks that you were going to put on after you got out of the shower. They’re still balled up, they just fell off the couch and got kicked under. > I have spoken. Damn, my man, you’re good. That’s exactly where they were, right between the May 2004 issue of _Hustler_ and last week’s ham sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/39 "2006-03-31T19:34:21Z")
> [@McNew](#): > > Damn, my man, you’re good. That’s exactly where they were, right between the May 2004 issue of _Hustler_ and last week’s ham sandwich. If the sandwich were by a copy of Vanity Fair or The New Yorker, I’d say it’s still good. Hustler’s too damned hot. Toss that sandwich out and order Chinese tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2006, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708/40 "2006-03-31T21:00:38Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > What are you trying to convey in the dining room? Red makes people eat. Painting intestines on the wall might want people to not eat. Are you trying to drive your guests away there as well? > > As for the wood floor, do you live near an arena that is host to an NBA franchise? If so, use the money in gas and crowbars. Sneak in late at night and pilfer all the wood you need from half court. They don’t need that…much. Great Idea! My local team is the Wizards so I’m pretty sure they won’t need them. I’ll skip the intestines on the wall, I need to eat there as well. I’m counting on the Aztec wall for driving the guests away. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-eternal-fountein-of-advice-and-knowledge/350708.md?page=3)