# I am an evil mommy......heh heh heh! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 5, 2004, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785 "2004-01-05T10:44:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/1 "2004-01-05T10:44:10Z")
I am an evil mommy. Usually, my two kids think I’m a hoot-and-a-half…and wierd…and the “cool mom”. Sometimes though, I step over the line, way over the line. I have come to realize that these are the stories that will be told to their children and their childrens children…and so on. My username starts to make sense to people after they get to know me, much to my sister and brothers annoyance (and absolute “bestest aunt in the world” status that has been bestowed upon me by various nieces and nephews). My children are teenagers now, my daughter just turned 16, my son will be 14 in one month. The daughter is big on being “odd” at school, and she LOVES to go to her grandparents house (my ex’s folks) and be wierd “just like her mom”, just to annoy them ( which it does). My “best” over the line time with her took place at WalMart. I was in a goofy mood, and I jumped on the cart and loudly ordered her to “Push meeeeee!!”, which she REFUSED TO DO!! She turned bright red, looked around to see if anyone had witnessed this ( they had) and turned back to glare at me. In order for you guys to understand how this must have looked to the four witnesses who were watching us, I should explain that I am a 44 yo woman (who looks it), and 5’2". I look pretty normal to most people. The dimple in my cheek and the gleam in my eyes are the only clues that I am in “one of those moods”, and by the time my kids realize that they are the target, its usually too late. So…there we are, in the middle of the aisle, her refusing to push me, me refusing to walk. In order to get away from the stares of the people, she finally started pulling the front of the cart to the checkouts. As we walked out the door, once again, I jumped on the cart and hollered “Push Me!!” She ignored me and kept walking. I yelled “It’s gonna take me a loooooong time to get to the car this way!!” She turned around and gave me her best “look of death”, and stood there. As people are streaming in and out of the doors, I’m standing on the footrails of a cart, refusing to budge, and yelling at my daughter, who is 20 feet away, totally embarrassed, arms crossed, wishing she could become invisible, and refusing to budge. So, I upped the ante. I hollered “If you don’t come here and push your mommy RIGHT NOW, I am going to start singing show tunes really really loud, RIGHT HERE IN THIS PARKING LOT !!!~!!!” Knowing that I am not a good singer, my daughter stands her ground, foolishly thinking that I CARE what these folks think of me making a complete idiot of myself in public. Big mistake…HUGE even…I gave the cart a push, hopped on, and at the top of my lungs warbled “THE SUNNNEL COMEUP TOMARROW…BETCHER BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMARROW, COME WHAT MAY…” , as I rolled slowly across the parking lot. By the time I got to the finale, I was down on one knee, and had my arms stretched out to the heavens, in the middle of the road, stopping traffic. Seeing as she knew she couldn’t win, and she couldn’t drive, and she was too lazy to walk home, she came back and pushed me to the car, while I yelled “WEEEEEEEE !!!” the whole way. Today was my sons turn…as I said, he is 14 years old, and was often my partner in crime in my pranks. He lives with his dad in Idaho now, and was over visiting for the two week Christmas break. I went grocery shopping , and both kids decided to tag along. After they talked me into some treats, and grew bored, they started in bugging each other (their favorite pastime nowadays) Oh boy…here it is Sunday morning, I’m only half awake, and grumpy…this is the last day of Christmas break, and I am sooooooooo ready for them to go back to school. I warned them several times to settle down, grew distracted, and grumpier…so it took forever to finish shopping By the time I was done, I was done in, and had had just about all the “cute” antics from my darling babies I could stomach. My daughter must have recognised the look in my eye…sadly, my son didn’t. While she wisely knocked it off and settled down, son ignored the warning signs, and kept up the antics through the checkout lines. I had had it. I turned to my son and loudly asked " Honey, do I need to put you down for a nap after I BREASTFEED you again???" Priceless. His mouth dropped open, his face turned beet red, and the look he gave me!!! He started laughing while trying to look indignant, so I knew he was impressed with my skill, and hoped to someday fill my shoes. Now I have two new weapons (aside from the 'naked baby photos") If my daughter gets out of line, all I have to do is mention “Showtunes”, and she settles down quickly. I don’t even have to utter a word to keep my son in line…I just raise my eyebrows, and cup my breast.😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/2 "2004-01-05T11:22:19Z")
Holy crap - you could be my youngest sister! Except she doesn’t have any kids. But she loves playing the part of “favorite aunt” to the hilt. I could see her doing everything you described. Scary! :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HeidiKay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9fc348/32.png) [@HeidiKay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeidiKay)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/3 "2004-01-05T11:37:15Z")
When I was little, my mom would braid my hair into the fringe on an afghan while I wasn’t paying attention. She would then stand up, say “Who’s up for ice cream?”, and run out of the room. It must have been fun to watch a 3 year old try to run dragging a huge blanket by her hair. Actually, it is pretty fun. 😃 My mom is now wondering if she tramatized me by this sort of behavior, and I just tell her about the things I’ve done to my god-daughters. I can’t wait to do it to my own children. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/4 "2004-01-05T13:26:44Z")
Being a 44 year old, 5’2" woman myself with three children and favorite aunty to my various nieces and nephews I simply must say I find your behavior, well, absolutely, I mean come on now really, it’s quite, well you know, let’s just put it this way… “TOMORROW, TOMORROW, I LOVE YOU, TOMORROW\>\>\>” And I can sing really loud, lots of arm gestures and have the hair to complete the picture. My kids have taken the word “tomorrow” out of their vocabulary. But there’s so much more they can’t control. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/5 "2004-01-05T16:06:42Z")
I’m an evil mommy as well…I wish I’d seen your performance, **auntnut**! When my kids were a bit younger, I had them more than half believing I was a witch. Anytime I was asked, “How do you know that?” I’d rub my hands together and cackle evilly. (“MOM!!!”) ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/6 "2004-01-05T16:35:13Z")
**Auntnut** , I bow down before your evilness in profoundest envy. My kids are much too young to pull this stuff on. yet. But I’m taking notes… betcher bottom dollar! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/7 "2004-01-05T17:14:52Z")
_What the world Needs now Is auntnut Sweet auntnut_ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/8 "2004-01-05T17:55:38Z")
Oh my God. You are truly evil. Embarrassing your children in _public_? How awful!! ivylass grabs a pen and starts scribbling notes furiously… ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/9 "2004-01-05T19:51:25Z")
\ Okay, now I gotta build an auntnut shrine. ---
**Author:** ![auntnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f6c823/32.png) [@auntnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntnut)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-evil-mommy-heh-heh-heh/222785/10 "2004-01-10T08:43:27Z")
Hey ArrMatey!.. Where’s my shrine ?!?!