# I am an ugly WOMAN, and I hate it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329 "2012-03-09T21:38:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/61 "2012-03-10T05:25:59Z")
I’m 5’2" and am trying to get up to 120. Skinny really isn’t good either. I don’t think that I’m pretty. I can’t do anything good with my thin, mousy blond hair, so I keep it boyshort. My SO likes my hair. He complains about my bony rump at times. Mostly, Bill loves me for me. It took a long time for me to get here. I’m 34 and single. My advice for you, is to stop being skinny. Be proud of what you have. The guys who only look at your body are not worth looking at. You can do much better. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/62 "2012-03-10T05:29:37Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > My advice for you, is to stop being skinny. Be proud of what you have. The guys who only look at your body are not worth looking at. You can do much better. I think your first sentence contradicts your second… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/63 "2012-03-10T05:31:59Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > Sorry, but I call bullshit. New poster, pitting yourself and pouring your heart into sneak self-pity but no picture? Right. This poster just joined the Dope this month and this thread was her very first (or maybe second) post at all. I wouldn’t be so skeptical, I think it’s more of a newbie not sure of which forum her thread belonged. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > If you don’t take the OP’s word for her looks, why even bother posting in the thread? > [@PlainJain](#): > > The same reason you posted in the thread - to give an opinion. > > Ding! Ding! Ding!!! > > And she didn’t just give us “her word” on her ugliness, she gave a fairly detailed physical description her body and various features (including face). So, if we aren’t supposed to take her word on her _descripton_ of her supposedly ugly self; then what are we supposed to post at all here? > . ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/64 "2012-03-10T05:48:26Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I think your first sentence contradicts your second… Well, yeah. I forgot to mention the medical reasons that I look like speedfreak girl. I think that the OP would be happier with more weight on her body. Now I’m wondering if the OP has had a full bloodwork done lately. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/65 "2012-03-10T06:10:13Z")
It _is_ frustrating, and there are some harsh truths that women have to, at some point, reconcile. Beauty affects our lives, and not everyone gets every gift- and for those that do, it doesn’t last. It can be maddening to see celebrities leave their wives of decades to get with a cute teenager. It can be frustrating to hear guy talk that reduces women to one and only one criteria. These are realities, and it’s okay that they hurt. But you gotta get over it. You got what you have to work with, and life isn’t fair. The only real advice is to cultivate yourself into a passionate, funny, interesting, clever person with confidence and independence. These are the most attractive traits of all. A beautiful woman may have an easier time getting to the first stages of a relationship, but we are all kind of on equal ground when it comes to maintaining them into the long term. In a sense, not being gorgeous does away with some of the weeding out process. I’ll agree that if you take care of yourself, it gets better as you get older. As people you know start smoking, gaining weight, showing sun damage, getting mom haircuts and letting themselves go to seed, what was once a plain 20 year can look like a comparatively hot 30 year old. A healthy looking face beats a naturally beautiful one every time. You don’t want to hear this, but making a conscious effort to figure out the best hair, makeup and clothing and clothing can make a difference. When you look like you take care of yourself, cognitive dissonance kicks in and people assume that if it’s clear that you value how you look and take care of it, it must be something valuable. ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/66 "2012-03-10T06:28:00Z")
Personally I think women give themselves, in general, _way_ too bad of a rap. A woman I work with is quite attractive, not traditionally so but it’s true nonetheless, but she’ll say something like “I look so horrible today” and it isn’t the kind of “tell me I’m beautiful” remark it’s the genuine “I look so horrible today” remark and… I seriously never notice. When she points it out, yeah, ok, you didn’t shower because you got up late and you were out drinking last night but I’ve known you for over a year and we see each other every day and I am so far beyond noticing anything in particular about your appearance that you could come to work in sweats and I’d not notice it. And that works both ways. If you’re around someone engaging long enough, you find ways that they’re attractive regardless of anything you may have thought on first glance. Yeah, we ugly folk have a hurdle to hop, it sucks, life is bullshit, fuck genetics. But have you seen some of the wedding photos or marriage announcement photos people circulate on the internet? God damn. I don’t think people with a good personality are single because they’re ugly. It’s a hurdle to an easy first date, that’s all. After the first date, all the rest are hard anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/67 "2012-03-10T06:49:01Z")
For the longest time, I felt extremely ugly. I had a brother that reminded me of this daily. It was hard and it did effect my esteem greatly. In high school I never went out because I didn’t ever think any guy would like me. I built a huge wall, to say the least. Fast forward 20 years. I now get my hair done nicely. I try to wear nicer clothes. Most of all, I try to always smile. I’ve been told I’m pretty and some have said beautiful. Inside I don’t really believe it, but being 40 has taught me that nobody wants to hear that shit and if anything, it’s insulting to them. So I say “thanks” and that was a major milestone. And so all of this is to say that being “pretty” isn’t all that either. I’m smart and funny but I never get asked out either. Most men my age are married or have point blank told me “I’d totally date you if you weren’t a single mom”. I appreciate the honesty but it hurts. Then there are the guys that like me that I feel nothing for. The thing is, it doesn’t bother me any more. I’ve found personal happiness. If I could give you advice from one who’s been there, you are wasting (some of) the best years of your life over this. I understand “the heart wants what it wants” but don’t let it lead your life because there is always going to be some reason to be down on yourself. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on what turned out to be nothing. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/68 "2012-03-10T07:23:15Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > This poster just joined the Dope this month and this thread was her very first (or maybe second) post at all. I wouldn’t be so skeptical, I think it’s more of a newbie not sure of which forum her thread belonged. You’re pretty new here yourself. You and **rachelellogram** are acting like no one has ever chummed the pit waters before. Yeah, it’s possible it’s newbie posting but stuff like the OP is usually more trollish that noobish. Regardless, I’m not that invested in it one way or the other. My guess is, though, that if the OP posted a picture she wouldn’t be as “ugly” as she claims. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/69 "2012-03-10T07:31:36Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > I was intelligent > [@Lobohan](#): > > What happened? I admit, I LOLed. ---
**Author:** ![Dissonance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dissonance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dissonance)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/70 "2012-03-10T09:05:57Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > You know, I really hate those “ugly duckling” scenes where it’s clear from the start the the duckling is a real hottie with a bad hairdo and ugly glasses. Oh god yeah. Any movie with a premise that Rachael Leigh Cook is ‘plain’ or ‘ugly’ is beyond absurd on its face. The [This is your brain on heroin](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE7ukc7MV-k) PSA she did when she was a fairly unknown actress always left me drooling. It practically made me want to start doing heroin. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/71 "2012-03-10T09:37:27Z")
> [@andros](#): > > . . . it gets better. Eventually. Most guys become less shallow and appearance-obsessed with age. Or at any rate, the ones you deserve do. > > (OTOH, what do I fuckin’ know? I’ve never been with a “hot” woman in my life, and have no interest. I flipped through the [“Hottest Women of the 90s”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=644717) thread over in the Game Room and for the life of me wanted to choose “N/A” for almost every contest. I understand and sometime appreciate the “hot” idea, but I rarely find it sexually arousing. My gal is beautiful because I love her, not the other way 'round.) QFT. There is far more to a relationship than just looks. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/72 "2012-03-10T09:50:10Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > It _is_ frustrating, and there are some harsh truths that women have to, at some point, reconcile. Beauty affects our lives, and not everyone gets every gift- and for those that do, it doesn’t last. It can be maddening to see celebrities leave their wives of decades to get with a cute teenager. It can be frustrating to hear guy talk that reduces women to one and only one criteria. These are realities, and it’s okay that they hurt. > > But you gotta get over it. You got what you have to work with, and life isn’t fair. The only real advice is to cultivate yourself into a passionate, funny, interesting, clever person with confidence and independence. These are the most attractive traits of all. A beautiful woman may have an easier time getting to the first stages of a relationship, but we are all kind of on equal ground when it comes to maintaining them into the long term. In a sense, not being gorgeous does away with some of the weeding out process. > > I’ll agree that if you take care of yourself, it gets better as you get older. As people you know start smoking, gaining weight, showing sun damage, getting mom haircuts and letting themselves go to seed, what was once a plain 20 year can look like a comparatively hot 30 year old. A healthy looking face beats a naturally beautiful one every time. > > You don’t want to hear this, but making a conscious effort to figure out the best hair, makeup and clothing and clothing can make a difference. When you look like you take care of yourself, cognitive dissonance kicks in and people assume that if it’s clear that you value how you look and take care of it, it must be something valuable. Big ups for your perception and decency. Your post is compelling. You have said much more eloquently the things I was thinking. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/73 "2012-03-10T09:55:35Z")
Come on, this is an obvious troll. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/74 "2012-03-10T10:08:26Z")
TLDR, but I know enough women who are not conventionally attractive to know it’s entirely in their personality, that a nice, outgoing person will attract friends. And some closer than friends. Male or female. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/75 "2012-03-10T10:29:02Z")
**Can’t Recall** , suck it up, fugs… ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/76 "2012-03-10T12:35:03Z")
Society imposes many unjust standards, but loneliness is usually a self-inflicted wound. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/77 "2012-03-10T12:37:40Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Society imposes many unjust standards, but loneliness is usually a self-inflicted wound. I’m stealing that… ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/78 "2012-03-10T13:21:29Z")
> [@Dissonance](#): > > Oh god yeah. Any movie with a premise that Rachael Leigh Cook is ‘plain’ or ‘ugly’ is beyond absurd on its face. The [This is your brain on heroin](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iE7ukc7MV-k) PSA she did when she was a fairly unknown actress always left me drooling. It practically made me want to start doing heroin. It was pretty off putting when they did that plotline with Emma Stone in the help. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/79 "2012-03-10T14:22:59Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Well, yeah. I forgot to mention the medical reasons that I look like speedfreak girl. I think that the OP would be happier with more weight on her body. > > Now I’m wondering if the OP has had a full bloodwork done lately. But we don’t know if she’s unhealthily thin and there’s no reason to suggest that she is. I’m about your height and and have never weighed more than 100 pounds and am in perfect health – different people can be healthy at different weights. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/80 "2012-03-10T14:42:28Z")
When I started socializing with some pretty girls, it quickly made me realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Pretty girls often get a lot of creepy unwanted attention from guys. Guys often don’t value them for anything BUT their looks. It can be nice to be friends with a guy and have it be a legitimate friendship instead of an excuse for him to try to get you to sleep with him. There is definitely some value in weeding out the creeps and the shallow idiots. I am not a particularly good looking girl but I ended up with a wonderful man who values me for my personality. I think we have a much healthier relationship than many of the pretty girls out there who ended up with guys who mainly just care about their looks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=5)