# I am an ugly WOMAN, and I hate it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329 "2012-03-09T21:38:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/121 "2012-03-11T08:18:36Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > QFT. > > There is far more to a relationship than just looks. Sure, and there is far more to the Pacific Ocean than just water. My theory on why the divorce rate is 50%: 100% of relationships are based on physical appearance, and 0% of people are attractive after age 40. (100% + 0%)/2=50% ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/122 "2012-03-11T13:23:53Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > It sounds like you are in your early 20s. Did you know that women hit their “physical attractiveness” peak sometime in their 30s? I don’t know about that. Maybe their sexual peak, but I doubt their physical attractiveness peak. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/123 "2012-03-11T15:19:07Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > And women don’t do this? :dubious: > > I am 44 years old, an engineer with a good income, and I’m short and bald. I have learned that “short and bald” are two \*major \*strikes against me. I can count the number of times on my hand a woman has talked to me (unsolicited) in my life. You are absolutely right–women are not alone in “having” to be gorgeous. Me, I am an ugly woman–I look like a picture of a horse painted on a fence–but I also have a flawless sense of style. I work hard to stay trim, my hair always looks great, I wear chic clothes that are age-appropriate and flattering. And I think this puts me at least on equal footing with pretty women who dress like hobos and fishwives. Remember, some of the great fashion and style icons of all time have been ugly women: Wallis Simpson, Diana Vreeland, Elsie de Wolfe, Sarah Jessica Parker. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/124 "2012-03-11T17:31:55Z")
Two pieces of advice for the OP: 1. Don’t ever trust your own judgment of your attractiveness. 2. You don’t need the world to think you’re beautiful, you just need one person to find you attractive. And trust me, there is always at least one out there. - **olives** , who is a perfect 10 in the eyes of the man she married, and really only cares about his opinion anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/125 "2012-03-11T18:02:05Z")
It’s a long thread, and I might have missed it, but: Has anyone yet picked up on the fact that it’s the word “woman” that’s in all caps in the thread title? Makes me wonder if it’s being a woman, rather than being ugly, that the OP hates. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/126 "2012-03-11T18:11:04Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Has anyone yet picked up on the fact that it’s the word “woman” that’s in all caps in the thread title? Makes me wonder if it’s being a woman, rather than being ugly, that the OP hates. Eh, no. I think perhaps the OP doesn’t like what she perceives as a double standard but I dont get a vibe where she wishes she wasn’t a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/127 "2012-03-11T20:04:25Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I don’t know about that. Maybe their sexual peak, but I doubt their physical attractiveness peak. The 20’s are the decade of beauty. Period. Point blank. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/128 "2012-03-11T20:11:33Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > The 20’s are the decade of beauty. Period. Point blank. No. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/129 "2012-03-11T20:12:55Z")
Unless you mean the _1920s_, in which case maybe. I’m a sucker for a flapper. Otherwise no. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/130 "2012-03-11T20:16:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > The 20’s are the decade of beauty. Period. Point blank. That’s adorable. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/131 "2012-03-11T20:19:28Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > If I were to walk in to a bar, and a taller, good looking guy with no job and no college degree also walked into the same bar, who do you think the women will notice? Who do you think they’ll want to strike up a conversation with? > > I’m not pitying myself. I’m just showing that it goes both ways. Show up at a club where there is a line in your most expensive car…stop next to the line, step out, inquire with the prettiest girl in line how long the wait is. Get back in and go find a parking space. The girls will find you. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/132 "2012-03-11T20:26:25Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I think your rant is perfectly valid. Maybe. But only if: A. She really is ugly enough to have been “told she was ugly during her _entire_ adolescence”. Or B. She can make that objective opinion. If she doesn’t post a pic, we can’t know. It doesn’t ring true to me. It sounds more like jealousy or insecurity from “being ignored by men in favor of better looking females” . Remarks like “I really hate this superficial society and wish that Hollywood would burn down”, “I live in a very male dominated society” and so on smack of bitterness. But hey, maybe she is and if so, I offer my sympathies. I say this as someone who has had my pics linked to by snackers and did not get a glowing review. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think the definition changes every 4th or 5th time someone uses it around here. TROLL should be a word that each poster is only allotted a certain # of usages; after that the word gets blocked. I admit it’s overused but as long as there are trolls we should be able to call them out. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/133 "2012-03-11T20:29:04Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > That’s adorable. And completely compatible with narcissistic personalities. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/134 "2012-03-11T20:37:14Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You’re probably going to have to work twice as hard as men and more attractive women in whatever it is you do. Fortunately, this is not difficult. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/135 "2012-03-11T20:43:38Z")
I haven’t read every post., so forgive me if I’m repeating advice. The really hard facts are that the universe will measure you, and regard you, exactly as you choose to regard yourself. As long as you judge your worth based solely on your outer appearance, so will others. Hey, I’m not saying it’s untrue that pretty people have some things come easier too them, in life. But people manage to get on, find love, have happy lives, even after horribly disfiguring accidents. Judging everyone else as being ‘prettier’ than you, is the other side of feeling like the entire world is judging you on your ‘ugliness’. If you can let go of judging others, based on their outer shell, you’ll find you will stop feeling so judged by others! Of course, that requires giving up the part you’re attached to - judging others. Also, maybe stop hanging with such judgmental men. Do you honestly respect these people? How? Do you ever challenge them? As in, “So you’ve married a super model. She is hit by a car and left terribly disfigured? Will you dump her?” People, especially young people like to talk the talk, but with a little pushback, you’ll find it’s a lot of bravado and not much reality. Would these men expect their attractive wives to leave them if they were disfigured due to illness or accident? Would they stop loving a child who lost a limb or eye? A lot of what you’re hearing is just young people talking trash that they think is what everyone should say! You’re a smart girl - challenge them! And I think you’re way too smart to **not** challenge your own poor reasoning on this front! ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/136 "2012-03-11T21:24:20Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > Maybe. But only if: > A. She really is ugly enough to have been “told she was ugly during her _entire_ adolescence”. Or > B. She can make that objective opinion. > If she doesn’t post a pic, we can’t know. It doesn’t ring true to me. It sounds more like jealousy or insecurity from “being ignored by men in favor of better looking females” . Remarks like “I really hate this superficial society and wish that Hollywood would burn down”, “I live in a very male dominated society” and so on smack of bitterness. Well, maybe she is bitter. But maybe she has a pretty good reason for it. I don’t know and neither do you. We all have our own pet peeves regarding “society”. Society does indeed suck sometimes. It’s only because most of us are older than the OP that we can advise her to “rise above it”. Among her peer group, looks really ARE a big deal. I remember how it was to be in my early 20s. Do you? And let’s not pretend that none of us have ever had our moments when we can’t stop thinking about the unfairness of life. Being born in an ugly body is not the worse thing that can happen to a person, but I wouldn’t volunteer for it. Would you? A person doesn’t have to be teased about something constantly for that issue to a sensitive topic for them. Sometimes a person is their harshest critic, and no amount of telling them they are off-base will ever change their opinion about themselves. So she doesn’t have to post a picture of herself so that we’ll agree that her rant is valid. It’s valid because lookism IS a fact of life, and it’s valid because many young guys ARE often obnoxious about it. Given the realities of these things, I don’t blame someone who perceives herself as being ugly for being upset. The feelings themselves are understandable; she just needs to work on building herself up so that such obnoxiousness doesn’t sting anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/137 "2012-03-11T21:43:41Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Did you know that women hit their “physical attractiveness” peak sometime in their 30s? I read that somewhere, and I believe it is true. I think I look way better as a 34-year-old than I did as a 24-year-old. It may be true for men, but it is definitely not true for women. Regarding the main topic of the thread: A lot of qualities (looks, brains, talents, sense of humor, etc) are not equally distributed among the population. For each quality, there are people in the top 1% and people in the bottom 1%. For people at the bottom, it sucks. It’s not society’s fault, or “the media”'s fault, it just sucks. I’m pretty sure people who are not smart and work at low-status jobs and can see all the accomplishments of extremely smart people are as jealous of them as ugly people are of the attention that extremely beautiful people get. It’s highly unlikely that a single person is in the bottom 1% of all the important qualities in life, so instead of focusing on the quality that you are not blessed with, just concentrate on the ones that you are at or near the top of. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/138 "2012-03-11T22:18:23Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > Maybe. But only if: > A. She really is ugly enough to have been “told she was ugly during her _entire_ adolescence”. Or > B. She can make that objective opinion. > If she doesn’t post a pic, we can’t know. It doesn’t ring true to me. You seriously have a difficult time believing that someone posting on the Internet might be unattractive? I don’t see anything implausible about that at all. It’s pretty nasty to demand that someone publicly post a photo to prove that she is in fact ugly. > [@](#): > > It sounds more like jealousy or insecurity from “being ignored by men in favor of better looking females” . Remarks like “I really hate this superficial society and wish that Hollywood would burn down”, “I live in a very male dominated society” and so on smack of bitterness. Even if the OP is jealous, insecure, and/or bitter, that doesn’t make her a troll. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/139 "2012-03-11T22:20:36Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > That’s adorable. And completely true. At least for women. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/140 "2012-03-12T00:06:27Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > And completely true. At least for women. This is a dark path and not one you want to walk down. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=8)