# I am an ugly WOMAN, and I hate it **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329 "2012-03-09T21:38:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/141 "2012-03-12T00:11:01Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > This is a dark path and not one you want to walk down. Oh please. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/142 "2012-03-12T00:21:46Z")
Besides the crass teasing, I did mean it. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/143 "2012-03-12T00:29:12Z")
> [@Can\_t\_Recall](#): > > :)Then my body… I’m around 5’7", some 130 lbs… right now I’m literally working my ass off to shed some more pounds in the hopes of toning my ass/legs and abs a bit more and hopefully (fingers crossed tight!!) to slim my thighs some more… like I mentioned, I am pear shaped Based on what I’ve read, my total guess is that you are “working your ass off” in order to work your ass off. That is: not to shed some pounds in an overall sense, but specifically to shed some ponds off your ass/thighs/hips. I will go even further out on a limb and guess that you are doing that mostly because you see your breasts as small and you are trying to “even out” your body. My opinion? Please don’t do that, for the sake of the men around you who would be overjoyed to have a woman with a nice shapely ass and breasts of your size (I mean 34B? Sounds like heaven to me—nothing very small about that, IMO). Don’t worry about your body, girl. It sounds fine. ---
**Author:** ![Sacrilegium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Sacrilegium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sacrilegium)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/144 "2012-03-12T00:35:27Z")
My wife was reading this thread over my shoulder and she sympathized a lot with Can’t Recall. Since she could’ve written almost exactly the same OP, I thought I’d post few pics of her here. She has given her blessing. She’s got very similar measurements (not _quite_ as thin as the OP, but close), she’s also down on her “unconventional looks” and feels ugly despite the fact that she has a SDMB poster as a spouse. And really, who could ask for anything more than that? Behold the wifey. [http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg) [http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg) [http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg) [http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg) [http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/145 "2012-03-12T00:45:19Z")
> [@Sacrilegium](#): > > Behold the wifey. I’ve had the suspicion that the OP is really more attractive than she thinks she is, but no way to know for sure if she won’t post pictures. Your wife, though, is very attractive. Especially since her personality seems to come through in those photos (and I don’t mean that as some sort of backhanded compliment). She _may_, however, be one of those people who had to grow into their good looks. But if the OP looks anything like your wife, she’s a lot more attractive than she thinks she is. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/146 "2012-03-12T00:50:26Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > It’s pretty nasty to demand that someone publicly post a photo to prove that she is in fact ugly. I never demanded or even requested she do so. It is she who, after describing herself in great detail, declined to post it when others asked. I couldn’t care less but adds to my suspicions that she isn’t as “ugly” as she claims. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/147 "2012-03-12T00:50:57Z")
> [@Sacrilegium](#): > > Behold the wifey. Beautiful. Natural. And completely … Nah. I better not. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/148 "2012-03-12T00:58:36Z")
It’s okay to be bitter and jealous about stuff that genuinely does suck. The world is full of harsh truths, and in order to move past them, you have to fully come to terms with them, and that can be a tough process. The OP will probably eventually find a productive and helpful attitude that will replace the bitterness and jealousy. But coming to that is a process. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > And completely true. At least for women. I think you are using a rather narrow definition of beauty. Men don’t go to their fiftieth wedding anniversary and think “Man, she really went downhill since she hit 30, hasn’t she?” ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/149 "2012-03-12T01:23:55Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > I never demanded or even requested she do so. It is she who, after describing herself in great detail, declined to post it when others asked. Why on earth would someone who thinks she’s ugly want to show off a photo of herself to strangers on the Internet? She says she’s been called ugly to her face, I doubt she needs to hear it from you too. If she actually thought she was pretty but unappreciated then \*that \*would be a reason to post pictures; she might hope that Dopers would stroke her ego by saying “You’re gorgeous! Those guys who ignore you are crazy!” Someone who really thinks she’s ugly isn’t going to do that, though. > [@](#): > > I couldn’t care less but adds to my suspicions that she isn’t as “ugly” as she claims. Funny how you keep posting about something you couldn’t care less about. It’s entirely possible that **Can’t Recall** looks better than she thinks she does, but I don’t see why this should be a matter of such importance to you or why you want to accuse her of being a lying troll. Lots of women have poor body image. They’re not being dishonest, they really think they look bad. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/150 "2012-03-12T01:34:54Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > The history is --and correct me if I’m wrong– You’re wrong. I won’t correct you though–you didn’t understand it the first time, no reason I should expect you to do so now. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/151 "2012-03-12T01:42:08Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > I never demanded or even requested she do so. It is she who, after describing herself in great detail, declined to post it when others asked. I couldn’t care less but adds to my suspicions that she isn’t as “ugly” as she claims. If she posted a picture, then she would promptly be accused of trolling for compliments. She opts not to post a pic but instead gives us a detailed description about herself, and yet she’s accused of trolling for attention. Do you not the see the catch-22 here? I’m a reasonably attractive woman and even I wouldn’t want to invite scrutiny by posting a picture of myself in a thread about my looks. Because I wouldn’t want to see people confirming my worst nightmares with their negative comments. Or, perhaps even worse, oooohing and ahhhhing in a way that could easily be dismissed as polite lies. To expect an unattractive woman who is going through a bad patch to feel any differently is crazy, I’m sorry. Your suspicions make no sense to me. It doesn’t matter if she’s objectively ugly or not. If we take her post at face value (which is the minimum we should do, IMO), then it’s obvious that she _perceives_ herself as ugly. Her feelings derive from this perception, and that’s why she ranting about it. Who is anyone to tell her that her feelings or self-perception are wrong? ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/152 "2012-03-12T01:46:59Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Why on earth would someone who thinks she’s ugly want to show off a photo of herself to strangers on the Internet? The same reason someone who thinks she’s ugly would announce to strangers on the internet how ugly she is, I guess. Besides, you’re missing my point - I doubt she’s as ugly as she claims (see **Sacrilegium** ’s post). > [@](#): > > Funny how you keep posting about something you couldn’t care less about. I guess you don’t understand how message boards work either. But since neither of us know, why does my opinion upset you so? Who made you her torch-bearer? I hope I’m right and she overcomes her negative self image and goes on to lead a happy life. But maybe you’re right and people like you will keep hammering on her ugliness. . ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/153 "2012-03-12T02:08:18Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > If she posted a picture, then she would promptly be accused of trolling for compliments. She opts not to post a pic but instead gives us a detailed description about herself, and yet she’s accused of trolling for attention. Do you not the see the catch-22 here? Indeed I do. And I agree. But I did not ask her to post a pic and more importantly I did not open a thread bemoaning her lot as a woman, or how I wanted to burn down Hollywood and the beautiful people there or that men suck and so on. > [@](#): > > Who is anyone to tell her that her feelings or self-perception are wrong? All of the people reading her thread since she threw it out there in the first place. I have to say I’m confused about the strong reaction to my posts. Since when is every OP in the pit supposed to “be taken at face value (which is the minimum we should do, IMO)”? Is it the subject matter? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/154 "2012-03-12T02:12:18Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I’ve had the suspicion that the OP is really more attractive than she thinks she is, but no way to know for sure if she won’t post pictures. Your wife, though, is very attractive. Especially since her personality seems to come through in those photos (and I don’t mean that as some sort of backhanded compliment). She _may_, however, be one of those people who had to grow into their good looks. > > But if the OP looks anything like your wife, she’s a lot more attractive than she thinks she is. I know this is me just assigning stories to people I don’t know, but I totally see her as one of those women who had to grow into their faces and maybe still have their junior high cruelty in their heads - in other words, kids are honest and grownups aren’t, so you can’t be trusting those adults who compliment you like you can “trust” the mean girls in seventh grade. Anyway, your wife is totally hot. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/155 "2012-03-12T02:51:04Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > The 20’s are the decade of beauty. Period. Point blank. This is true to a point; young people are beautiful in a flawless, plastic way. As I age, I’m finding the signs of aging on people to be quite interesting - their faces look lived in and comfortable, instead of just pretty. > [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Two pieces of advice for the OP: > > 1. Don’t ever trust your own judgment of your attractiveness. > > 2. You don’t need the world to think you’re beautiful, you just need one person to find you attractive. And trust me, there is always at least one out there. > > - **olives** , who is a perfect 10 in the eyes of the man she married, and really only cares about his opinion anyway. That’s great advice. I have never been able to figure out how attractive I am; my bottom line is that my husband is very good-looking, and he wants to be with me, so I can’t be that bad (or else I just look good to him, but that’s good enough for me, too). > [@Sacrilegium](#): > > My wife was reading this thread over my shoulder and she sympathized a lot with Can’t Recall. Since she could’ve written almost exactly the same OP, I thought I’d post few pics of her here. She has given her blessing. > > She’s got very similar measurements (not _quite_ as thin as the OP, but close), she’s also down on her “unconventional looks” and feels ugly despite the fact that she has a SDMB poster as a spouse. And really, who could ask for anything more than that? > > Behold the wifey. > > [http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg) Your wife is a very pretty woman - she has twinkling, intelligent eyes and a great smile. She looks like someone who would be a lot of fun to hang out with. ---
**Author:** ![snailboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@snailboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snailboy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/156 "2012-03-12T03:22:18Z")
I can’t speak for the original poster’s face without seeing a picture, but I can say I’ve never seen a woman who wasn’t obese with hips that were too big, certainly not one that was 130 lbs. That makes me really question her self-image (not that I think people typically have accurate self-images anyway). > [@Sacrilegium](#): > > Behold the wifey. > > [http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/308102cwc.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3097721015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/1491751015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/4174121015.jpg) > [http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg](http://ualoo.com/images/3835961015.jpg) I’d hit it. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/157 "2012-03-12T03:28:27Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > The same reason someone who thinks she’s ugly would announce to strangers on the internet how ugly she is, I guess. Besides, you’re missing my point - I doubt she’s as ugly as she claims (see Sacrilegium’s post). No, you are missing my point. If **Can’t Recall** thinks she’s ugly then she’s going to behave like she’s ugly. While it’s possible she’s better looking than she thinks, your repeated accusations that she’s maliciously lying about her appearance are unlikely to boost her self-esteem – especially since you have no idea what she actually looks like. > [@](#): > > I guess you don’t understand how message boards work either. I understand that when people keep writing about the same topic, they could in fact care less about it. > [@](#): > > But since neither of us know, why does my opinion upset you so? Who made you her torch-bearer? You’re being a jerk. I don’t need any special reason to point that out. > [@](#): > > I hope I’m right and she overcomes her negative self image and goes on to lead a happy life. This would be more convincing if you hadn’t spent several posts calling her a jealous, bitter, dishonest troll. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/158 "2012-03-12T03:33:53Z")
Lamia, take a deep breath. It’s only a message board. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/159 "2012-03-12T04:11:36Z")
Well she _is_ a Lamia after all. Can’t really blame her for not being in favor of sharing pics. ---
**Author:** ![Carmady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f04885/32.png) [@Carmady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carmady)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329/160 "2012-03-12T04:36:02Z")
Posting pictures of yourself on a public message board is a very wise decision. I’d be posting pictures right now, but my computer has been acting strange ever since I opened some attachments in an unexpected email. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-an-ugly-woman-and-i-hate-it/615329.md?page=9)