# I am at a loss: my girlfriend works for Lucifer himself. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199 "2011-08-02T17:32:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/21 "2011-08-02T22:30:40Z")
Really, tales like this make me tired. “Oh, my poor, long-suffering girlfriend is being mis-treated by bullies at her job. I should go after them with a tire-iron.” Really? That’s your solution? Did I trip into a time-warp and end up in the 50’s? She needs to grow a pair and handle it herself. You can and should be supportive, of course, but in this day and age there is no excuse for any woman in this country to put up with that kind of behavior from anyone. Life isn’t fair. She’d better be able to stand up for herself, or learn how, or she is going to be a doormat forever. [ough love] Roddy p.s. I thought long and hard about posting this; these things are easy for me to say, I’ve never been a petite and physically vulnerable woman. I have been (briefly, in high school) the victim of bullying and it ended when I stopped letting it scare me. You can probably help her move in that direction, if you have a mind to do so. I don’t think you stepping in for her is going to help her at all, it will just enable her to stay weak and vulnerable. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/22 "2011-08-02T22:44:12Z")
You say that “She can’t work for any less or she wouldn’t be able to afford the rent where I live or her car note.” Do you mean that paying half the rent on the place you’ve chosen is higher than what she can afford unless she continues to work there? Then what you can do is offer to either take over part of the rent (perhaps with both of you contributing an equal % of your incomes, instead of an equal portion of the rent) or offer to move with her to a cheaper place that will leave her with more options. I don’t know the status of your relationship, but if you may be reaching the point where you need to decide if she’s a girl you really like or if the two of you are a family now. There’s not a right or a wrong there, but it really makes a difference about what you should do and what your responsibilities are. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/23 "2011-08-02T22:51:46Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > any employment lawyer would be thrilled to take this case. Why would that be? Employers aren’t mandated to be nice. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/24 "2011-08-02T23:02:54Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Why would that be? > > Employers aren’t mandated to be nice. If she can prove that he belittles her and encourages other employees to mistreat her because she’s the only woman in the company, as the OP has posted, she’s got a viable sex discrimination lawsuit in the making. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/25 "2011-08-02T23:20:47Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > If she can prove that he belittles her and encourages other employees to mistreat her because she’s the only woman in the company, as the OP has posted, she’s got a viable sex discrimination lawsuit in the making. Key words “if she can prove”. The op said the boss “allows the other employees to ridicule and mistreat her”, not that he encourages them to do it, and not that it’s because she is the only woman as his or their reason for doing it. You think those other three employees are going to be lining up to help her if they really are the kind of people who ridicule and mistreat others? From the op’s description, she has no backbone and is unable to fend for herself or stick up for herself in even the smallest of ways. Maltreatment has a way of trickling down unless you put your foot down. If my boss told me to work sans fan in 100 degree heat, my response would be “would you like me to work today or not?”. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/26 "2011-08-03T02:30:03Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Key words “if she can prove”. The op said the boss “allows the other employees to ridicule and mistreat her”, not that he encourages them to do it, and not that it’s because she is the only woman as his or their reason for doing it. I agree that this would be difficult to prove legally, but the OP stated that the boss calls her things like “stupid”, “weak”, “slow” and here’s the kicker: “_a useless woman_”. The OP did say the boss “allows” the other workers to mistreat and abuse her, but it’s my guess they feel justified in doing it by watching him. I say that’s encouragement, because employees tend to follow their boss’ lead. But proving all this in court would be difficult, especially with the dismissal of the sex discrimination lawsuit against Wal-Mart recently being a harbinger of the times. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/27 "2011-08-03T05:27:29Z")
She doesn’t need his permission to file a workers comp claim, but she DOES need to report the injury in a timely manner. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Just mention to him at the end of the day “Oh by the way, one of the pallets on the wall fell, and it hit my ankle. It’s pretty sore, and I think I should get it checked out.” If he doesn’t volunteer to take an incident report or offer to send her to the doc on the company dime, she can file a claim through the state and they’ll handle it from there. They notify the company, the company files a claim, and it’s taken care of. I’ve taken many a late-reported claim from business owners who should have called us the day of or after an injury happened, and gently but firmly reminded them that there can be fines imposed by their state work comp board for failure to report injuries in a timely manner. However, this only applies to injuries that a worker promptly reports to the company. He can’t do something about an injury he doesn’t know exists. And I know of at least one legitimate claim that was denied because an employee waited more than 30 days to bring it to their boss’s attention. I’ve also taken some claims from bully employers who loudly proclaim their “spotless” claims history, and take the fact that an employee is reporting an injury as a personal insult. It’s unfortunate that employers like this exist, but there are ways around it. Your ladyfriend needs to start polishing her resume, and take a self-esteem class or something. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/28 "2011-08-03T09:20:47Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > On the job skills thing: she doesn’t have a lot of confidence and doesn’t sell herself very well in interviews. Oftentimes, she’ll underrate herself to a prospective employer. She also does not negotiate salaries, taking the first offer given to her. It’s been very damaging to her because she’s a lot better than she thinks she is. It sounds like some coaching on interview skills and salary negotiation would be a really good start. I can’t recommend any, but surely there must be books on this you could read with her and help her practice. Ultimately, she’s going to get to a crisis one way or the other - either he’ll fire her or she’ll reach the end of her tether. You can’t solve this for her, but you can encourage her and help her get the skills to solve it herself. If she really can’t get a job paying at that level then you and she will have to make some tough choices about whether you can chip in to help or whether she needs to move somewhere cheaper (whether that’s a houseshare or a cheaper area). ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/29 "2011-08-03T09:40:12Z")
AT I really hope that I never have you as an SO. You have said that she has suffered ill health because of this job; and she is now on meds and your solution is a to theaten the boss with a tire iron? Repeat after me; no job is worth your health. If something happens to a person; professionally s/he can always be replaced; it is not the case for a family. Cajole, bribe, reason, counsel advice her to quit. Its not worth her health and her sanity. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/30 "2011-08-03T13:29:54Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > AT I really hope that I never have you as an SO. > > You have said that she has suffered ill health because of this job; and she is now on meds and your solution is a to theaten the boss with a tire iron? First, as I mentioned upthread, I am not **Argent Towers**. I am **Agent Foxtrot**. I’ve been here a lot longer than he, but his reputation has caused people to think I’m him when they merely glance at my username. Second, I really don’t understand why you’re saying what you’re saying in the quote. Perhaps my reading comprehension skills need a little polishing, but help me out here. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/31 "2011-08-03T13:48:35Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Why would that be? > > Employers aren’t mandated to be nice. They are, however, mandated to follow OSHA regulations, for starters. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/32 "2011-08-03T13:51:32Z")
She should be documenting every single OSHA violation and promptly reporting each one. She should be documenting every single incident of probable sexual harassment and promptly reporting each one. She should leave that job immediately. No job is worth the impact on physical health (100 degrees and no fan?) or mental health that the OP reports. More than that, **AF** you say your SO sells herself short. The longer she stays in this job the worse that’ll be for her next job. Please consider that point. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/33 "2011-08-03T13:55:43Z")
Bonus from [OSHA](http://www.osha.gov/as/opa/worker/complain.html): > [@](#): > > If there is an emergency or the hazard is immediately life-threatening, call your local OSHA Regional or Area Office or 1-800-321-OSHA. In my nonprofessional opinion, a warehouse with neither air conditioning nor fan presents a proximate danger to employees’ health. The link above also includes that refusing to work due to a proximate safety hazard is protected by the OSHA law. Good luck with all of this. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/34 "2011-08-03T14:06:43Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Really, tales like this make me tired. “Oh, my poor, long-suffering girlfriend is being mis-treated by bullies at her job. I should go after them with a tire-iron.” Really? That’s your solution? Did I trip into a time-warp and end up in the 50’s? > > She needs to grow a pair and handle it herself. You can and should be supportive, of course, but in this day and age there is no excuse for any woman in this country to put up with that kind of behavior from anyone. > > Life isn’t fair. She’d better be able to stand up for herself, or learn how, or she is going to be a doormat forever. > > [ough love] > Roddy > > p.s. I thought long and hard about posting this; these things are easy for me to say, I’ve never been a petite and physically vulnerable woman. I have been (briefly, in high school) the victim of bullying and it ended when I stopped letting it scare me. You can probably help her move in that direction, if you have a mind to do so. I don’t think you stepping in for her is going to help her at all, it will just enable her to stay weak and vulnerable. I AM a (semi-) petite and physically vulnerable woman, and I wholeheartedly endorse your post. Both the part about going straight to a goddamn tire iron AND the part about learning to start standing up for herself. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/35 "2011-08-03T14:06:36Z")
As Scuba Ben just said, she needs to go to OSHA immediately and report all these violations. She then should quit the job. Furthermore, she (and you) have other issues. A woman who allows men to push her around in a work situation has problems and needs psychological help. A man like you whose first reaction to being told that his girlfriend is being mistreated by someone else is to want to beat up that person also has problems. You need some psychological help yourself. Your girlfriend is being mistreated by someone and you’ve decided that she’s not capable of helping herself in this situation. You think that a woman is incapable of helping herself and the only resource for her is to find another man who can solve the problem. She needs to be more independent and you need to be less controlling. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/36 "2011-08-03T14:25:23Z")
AF - How old is your g/f? I ask because I’m curious about how long she’s been in the workforce. I get the impression that she’s fairly young and inexperienced, but if she’s older and in the situation you describe it definitely makes the situation look different. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/37 "2011-08-03T15:25:36Z")
I think you all are focusing on the tire iron comment a little too heavily. I’m not a violent person. If a man in a position of authority was devaluing your significant other and putting her in danger daily, I’m sure you’d feel the same way. Hell, I’ve read a ton of posts on these boards about men physically standing up for their girlfriends, wives, or children. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/38 "2011-08-03T15:32:06Z")
If she’s really in danger daily, then she can bring some serious legal shit to rain down on this guy’s head. It wouldn’t be all that mentally or emotionally taxing for her either - I imagine the lawyer would do most of the work. (Since, y’know, that’s how they earn those big bucks.) ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/39 "2011-08-03T15:33:00Z")
What about the other 90% of the comments? There really is no solution for this that can come from you. You can support her, encourage her, whatever. But until she grows up and grows a spine, people will treat her like trash. It happens all the time. This will not be the last time she has this problem, if she does not fix her own issues. This is a very common problem with younger women. Some of them get over it. Some never do. It’s all up to her. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199/40 "2011-08-03T15:34:12Z")
IME the key is not to stop being afraid, it is to stop letting the fear dictate your actions, or lack thereof. “I’m afraid” doesn’t mean you can’t do what needs doing anyway. This message brought to you by Powdermilk Biscuits. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-at-a-loss-my-girlfriend-works-for-lucifer-himself/591199.md?page=3)