…but then he’ll have to act broke, to keep up the legal charade. Which means taking the only job he can get. Who else would hire someone who just lost over a billion dollars in a lawsuit?
“Let me introduce White House Press Secretary Alex Jones.”
Okay, you win.
Or Communications Director. Trump would rather see an attractive woman on the screen everyday.
Now I’m picturing Jones in a blonde wig.
You do you. Not gonna shame you. 
Ugh. Somebody had to put a damper on this:
Judge orders hearing to review Onion’s purchase of Alex Jones’s InfoWars | US news | The Guardian
Maybe someone who’s well-versed in these matters can comment about whether this hearing is just a routine thing, or if there’s a real chance the judge will rule against the sale.
What can the Onion do that’s more absurd than what Alex actually does?!
Just watch this (it’s less than 30 seconds long but feels a lot longer):
Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence!
An objection to the auction would appear to be based on one or both of two issues: one is that the (optional) overbidding round where each party would be informed of other bids was not held by the trustee (and not required per the judge’s instructions for the auction). Since there were only two bidders: Global Tetrahedron and First United American Companies, LLC (FUAC, “a company that is affiliated with one of Jones’s product-selling websites” according to The Guardian article cited above) I’m not sure this is really a salient point since there is really no potential for a spoiler false overbidding or multiple parties representing the same interest, so each party should have made a bid for what they believe the ‘real value’ of the company and its assets are.
The other is that the Sandy Hook victims’ families, who I believe would have at least proportional footing on their claims, had an agreement with Global Tetrahedron to forgo some unspecified but significant amount of monetary claims in order to reduce the cost of Global Tetrahedron’s bid. I suppose you could look at this as being some form of collusion since they (presumably) did not make the same offer to FUAC, but to the extent that it may have enabled Global Tetrahedron to put forth a winning bid it is likely to FUAC’s ostensible benefit since their reduction will make more funds available in bankruptcy for other claimants including FUAC.
The underlying claim to may be that by effectively shutting down the outlet and ‘silencing’ Jones, Global Tetrahedron and the Sandy Hook families have massively devalued InfoWars and its ability to provide restitution or sell products, but that should be countered by the fact that the interests of FUAC, as a separate company, should be bidding independently of whatever bankruptcy claims the supplier might have. And since Global Tetrahedron has announced their intentions to continue to use the domain and site in a manner ‘similar’ to how it has been run previously, it isn’t as if this is an ‘obvious’ vengeance move to simply shut down the company and destroy the brand. [Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?]
From a purely legal standpoint, Global Tetrahedron came to an agreement with a major set of creditors that may have represented the best fiscal interests of all claimants, which if true is what the trustee is ethically bound to accept regardless of any hurt feelings or shenanigans by a group trying to sustain the conspiranoia site as-is. If FUAC saw real value in the site in and of itself, they should have made a larger bid.
Bloomberg.com described the presiding judge, United States Bankruptcy Judge Christopher M. Lopez,. as a “…frustrated bankruptcy judge [who] said he has concerns over the process in which satirical news site The Onion won an auction for right-wing provocateur Alex Jones’ Infowars website,“ to which my response is something along the lines of, “I guess you should have written more explicit instructions, huh?” However, it is within the purview of the bankruptcy court judge to review the auction and declare it void if he finds that it violated the interests of the claimants even if it was in line with his instructions. Will he do that? It should be noted that Judge Christopher M. Lopez was appointed to the Southern District of Texas US Bankruptcy Court on August 14, 2019. It is left to an exercise for the reader where his sympathies lay.
Stranger
True. Gleeful is not comfortable, exactly.
This is the part that the apparently-Trumpy judge is going to have trouble explaining away (I’m guessing).
Reviving this thread because apparently, at long last, the Onion will take over infowars. Details are still sketchy, but it looks like it’s a six month licensing agreement with an option to renew, not an outright sale.
Still counting this as a victory.
Here is an article.
I wouldn’t say it’s a done deal, as a judge hasn’t given approval, but it looks promising to me. Apparently, a bankruptcy judge had blocked the purchase in the past, and the court assigned a bankruptcy receiver, but that receiver has accepted the bid from the Onion, so it’s going back to court for a judge to give an okay.
Oddly, and confusingly, the video I saw announcing the revival of InfoWars (complete with a new logo featuring an onion in the place of the “o” in InfoWars) had the tagline “YOU ARE BEING LIED TO.”
Well, certainly under Alex Jones there was a lot of lying to consumers of the site. But doesn’t The Onion also, famously, lie??
I guess it could be called “comic exaggeration” or “parody”----but it’s certainly not straight truth-telling!
Anyway, they say their Creative Director will be Tim Heidecker, which could be a good omen (he may be familiar from his Adult Swim shows, or his several movie roles).
Parodies aren’t lies because there’s no intent to deceive.
Yes, I guess that’s a valid reason for The Onion to claim that the era of Lying is over. It just seemed like an odd hill for them to try to take. After all, the most common reason people have for mentioning The Onion is something like ‘is this true, or is it The Onion?’
They could have said ‘YOU’VE BEEN GASLIGHTED BY THE RIGHT LONG ENOUGH’ or such, and avoided the truth/lie dichotomy. Because Jones certainly prioritized not just lying, but the full gaslighting experience.
We all agree that the world has gotten crazy enough that it’s hard for the Onion to create a parody so outrageous that sensible folks like us won’t wonder whether just the latest, ever more outrageous, truth.
My concern about the infowars thing is that the other side public (i.e. the CT-spewing MAGAtsphere) has gotten so credulous and willing to swallow BS unquestioningly, that the infowars version of the Onion cannot possibly fail to deceive most of its drooling customers, even though deception is the oposite of a goal for them.
So philosophically I’m totally on your side here. But I wonder practically whether / how this’ll work.
ETA: Which is sorta kinda what @Sherrerd said just above while I was typing, but not exactly.
On BlueSky, Onion CEO Ben Collins posted a link to the following article and noted that The Onion may not have to change Infowars content at all…
ETA to note that on BSky Collins goes by the handle “Tim Onion”, a nod to Trump’s “Tim Apple” comment.
The Onion missed a trick on April Fools Day. They could have run true stories to see if anyone noticed. (Maybe they did!)