# I am fed up with my sex drive **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 6, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476 "2012-07-06T22:47:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/41 "2012-07-11T09:27:52Z")
While I have my doubts that the OP is sincere in wanting actual advice, I will add this for anyone Googling with a similar problem: Needing to masturbate every 5 minutes is \*not \*normal. No, not even for a 15 year old boy. And yes, it can hurt. Skin on the penis can break down, crack and bleed, the urethra can become inflamed, making it more prone to infection, which can turn into bladder or kidney infections which can be actually life threatening. That’s not to mention the social and psychological damage such a preoccupation can do to one’s work life and relationships. Seriously, how do you have a productive conversation with your boss or mother if you’re constantly thinking about wanking and running into the bathroom to pull one off every 5 minutes? Back when I was running an alt-med clinic, we had a young man in who was really into raising his kundalini through yoga, and became a chronic masturbator of the “every 5 minutes isn’t enough” variety. Eventually, he began ejaculating blood. Seriously. Not good. (In his case, a medical exam was clear, and he was successfully treated with acupuncture, herbs, and some spiritual counseling to get him to try yoga that wasn’t so focused on raising specifically genital area kundalini energy.) First step IS a medical exam. Just in case there’s a tumor or infection or something else pathological causing the arousal. Only after physical causes are ruled out should one turn to psychological/spiritual treatment methods. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/42 "2012-07-11T11:24:35Z")
> [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](#): > > You’ve got it easy gvozd. My entire sex life is built upon fantasies about Emmy Jo from New Zoo Revue. If she’s the one on the left, I have to say you will be very happy with teh Internet. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/43 "2012-07-12T17:34:50Z")
If you have any real advice, I’d PM the guy, as I suspect he’s no longer reading this thread. Hence why he opened another one on the same subject. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/44 "2012-07-12T18:04:39Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > If you have any real advice, I’d PM the guy, as I suspect he’s no longer reading this thread. Hence why he opened another one on the same subject. Thanks Moderator BigT! Oh wait… ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2012, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/45 "2012-07-12T21:40:57Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > If you have any real advice, I’d PM the guy, as I suspect he’s no longer reading this thread. Hence why he opened another one on the same subject. Where? Link? The only other one I know of was started a week or two ago (although I don’t know if that was before or after the OP of this thread. From earlier, I think.) And I see one started today about him going off to college and wondering if he should buy a computer, with tangential remarks about his social life (or lack thereof). ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/46 "2012-07-13T00:55:51Z")
If you’re tired of craunching the marmoset so often, why not get a fleshjack? Just as good as a real set of lips, so I hear! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/47 "2012-07-13T01:00:42Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > so I hear! Riiiiiiiiight. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2012, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/48 "2012-07-13T01:50:40Z")
You’d think somebody somewhere would be interested in developing an anti-Viagra pill. Sell it from the “now you can concentrate and get some work done” angle. Maybe? ---
**Author:** ![gvozd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gvozd/32/7301_2.png) [@gvozd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gvozd)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/49 "2012-07-16T19:45:02Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > **gvozd** , are you still reading here, Yes. > [@Senegoid](#): > > after all the cold-hearted snark from most of the above? My anti-depressants armors me against them. > [@Senegoid](#): > > This is the second (or third?) thread you’ve started on this or related stuff. Unfortunately. > [@Senegoid](#): > > You haven’t said enough about your situation for anybody to figure out WTF (or lack thereof). > > Are you an adult hetero male, socially dysfunctional and totally unsuccessful with the females? Yes sir. > [@Senegoid](#): > > And totally frustrated? Precisely. > [@Senegoid](#): > > And absolutely certain that this can never be improved upon? Yes. There is an old saying in my native language:\*\* Whatsoever someone is at the age of 7 shall be the same at the age of 70.\*\* > [@Senegoid](#): > > What result do you want (that you think may be possible)? Partner or absolutely no wanting to have sex. > [@Senegoid](#): > > Have you given up on ever getting it on with a female? Exactly > [@Senegoid](#): > > How old are you? (Young, like 20’s? 30’s? 40’s? older?) 1. > [@Senegoid](#): > > Do you want to divest and free yourself, totally and forever, from your sex needs so you’ll never be tormented by it again? This is exactly what I want to. I want my torment to end. > [@Senegoid](#): > > Just like a junkie addict going cold-turkey? I do not understand what you are getting at. > [@Senegoid](#): > > Why do you not want drugs or medicine? They use it on convicted sex offenders to “chemically castrate” them. You’d have a hell of a time getting a supply for yourself, as no “ethical” doctor would have any sympathy with your frustration, or be willing to help out. But you might be able to find the right stuff in a _farmacia_ in Tijuana, or get a Rx from a Mexican doctor. You have to ask around. Thank you. Do you know any place where I can find it? Especially in EU or Middle East? > [@Senegoid](#): > > Or you could outright castrate yourself, or find a doc to do it for you. (Maybe an unethical veterinarian who’s hard up for some extra cash.) Some guys have done that. If I am not mistaken, castrating myself will NOT remove the state of being emotionally attracted to females. > [@Senegoid](#): > > You assert that therapy is useless. You are probably right. But have you tried it? If so, what kind of therapy have you tried? Medicine. Going abroad, to a language course, with an intention to improve my social skills and stuff. But it just did the opposite. > [@Senegoid](#): > > **suranyi** , above, flippantly made the too-obvious suggestion: Get a girlfriend. Have you tried this? Yes > [@Senegoid](#): > > Have you been chronically unsuccessful? yes > [@Senegoid](#): > > If so, for how long? Since I was 12 or so. > [@Senegoid](#): > > Do you have a clue how? I am socially awkward, physically unattractive. > [@Senegoid](#): > > What is your financial situation? Can you afford to do business with commercial providers? Have you tried it? I don’t understand what you are trying to say here. > [@Senegoid](#): > > **phouka** thinks that you seem to think that being attracted to females is a bad thing. Is that right? Do you think that? And further comments that calling females “females” shows that you are angry and resentful toward females for not having sex with you. Is that correct? And that this is why they won’t. Which came first? Were you always angry at females? Or was there a time you felt good about them, but eventually became angry and embittered after you were chronically unsuccessful with them? How old are you again? Until this part I though you were trying to help. But I am losing my faith in you. Is this your way to relieve stress, on a forum paining people? That’s why I asked for castrating, not for dating tips. > [@phouka](#): > > Wow, you say “emotionally attracted to females” like it’s a bad thing. > > Just a tip, but you might want to start referring to us as women, not females. Female is best used as an adjective - a female student, the female gender. Calling women females makes you sound like a twit harboring anger towards the people who won’t have sex with you or like a field biologist cataloging a new species. Neither of those is great for solving your problem. 1-) I don’t need your approval. 2-) If you don’t like the way I call your kind, just don’t read. 3-) I will not change the way I call your kind because you arrogantly want it. See #2 4-) Just piece of advice for you: Stop being annoying. Stop being arrogant. To pain someone who is already in pain will not benefit you. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/50 "2012-07-16T20:31:44Z")
Have you ever seen a doctor about this? Not a therapist, a doctor? ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/51 "2012-07-16T22:57:33Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Yes. There is an old saying in my native language:\*\* Whatsoever someone is at the age of 7 shall be the same at the age of 70.\*\* > > 1. First, that saying is totally wrong. I know that I’m a very different person now that I’m 50 years old than I was at 15. Second, do you realize how young you still are at 19? Geez, when I was 19 I still hadn’t had any luck with women either, and wouldn’t for quite a few more years. But it didn’t mean that I would NEVER be successful with women. I was just a late-starter in this area. The same could be true for you. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/52 "2012-07-16T23:14:03Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > 1-) I don’t need your approval. > > 2-) If you don’t like the way I call your kind, just don’t read. > > 3-) I will not change the way I call your kind because you arrogantly want it. See #2 > > 4-) Just piece of advice for you: > > Stop being annoying. > > Stop being arrogant. > > To pain someone who is already in pain will not benefit you. Look, do you want to learn to get along with other human beings, half of whom are female, or not? See, what we have here is a teachable moment. This is why women don’t like you, because you are rude and mean to people. The only way you’re ever going to get yourself a woman is to not be a jerk to her. If you were handsome and rich and charismatic, then you could get away with also being a dipstick. But you’re not handsome, you’re not rich, you’re not charismatic. Well, you can’t fix the handsome part. You can’t fix the rich part, because you’re 19. You can’t fix the charismatic part. So you need to work on the “not being a dipstick” angle, because that IS something about yourself that you can fix. So you need to ask yourself, which is more important to you–being a dipstick, or being a normal human being? I ask because some people are in love with their misery, and actively work to create it. They don’t want to be happy, and if something happens to them to make them happy they immediately take action to stop the happiness and return to their comfortable misery. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2012, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/53 "2012-07-16T23:38:10Z")
Dan Savage has a point regarding attractiveness. An ugly guy with a nice bod will get laid more than a guy with a nice face but a doughy body. Hit the gym. It’ll help you blow off steam, plus you’ll get more attractive in the process. And hopefully, continued success at the gym will give you the confidence you currently lack. ---
**Author:** ![gvozd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gvozd/32/7301_2.png) [@gvozd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gvozd)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/54 "2012-07-17T00:28:28Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > … Just a simple question: Do you think his/her answer is not mean/rude/jerkish/dipstick-ish? Thereafter there will be a few more questions but they are all dependent upon your answer. ---
**Author:** ![kmshrader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@kmshrader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kmshrader)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/55 "2012-07-17T02:52:31Z")
You’re nineteen and you’re upset because you’re masturbating all the time? You admit that a partner would solve some of your problem, but refuse to take advice from someone who by her very nature has more experience with women than you do? Well, obviously this is getting nowhere. How about just _doing something else_? You said you went abroad, but obviously the change of scenery didn’t do much. What about a change of habits? Taking a hobby class, like archery or dancing or something? It’s a good way to casually meet women, if you find yourself so inclined, as well as a structured environment to help keep your mind of whatever other issues might be plaguing you. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/56 "2012-07-17T03:17:22Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Just a simple question: > > Do you think his/her answer is not mean/rude/jerkish/dipstick-ish? > > Thereafter there will be a few more questions but they are all dependent upon your answer. No, she was not. She was giving you advice, and it was very important advice, and rather than being totally rude back to her, in a thread where you’re asking for advice, you ought to shut up and listen. I’m a guy, and while I read most of your long response to everyone, I was like, “Damn, plenty of people are awkward at 19, but that’s not a death sentence.” But then I got to your numbered list, and now _I_ don’t like you. It was totally off-base, and you owe her an apology. And then you should shut up and listen to folks. Because guess what, plenty of us were awkward at 19. I was terrible at dating, and god forbid anything should ever force me back into the dating game, because I’d probably still be terrible at it. (I like to think I was a great boyfriend and am a good husband, but that whole courtship thing I was just the pits at). So listen to what we suggest. And suggestion #1 is realizing that women are people just like you, and they get horny just like you, and just like you a lot of single women are straight and are looking for a partner. You’ve had trouble finding someone compatible, so what you need to do is take a look at yourself, figure out what’s causing that trouble, and decide whether you’re willing, and able, and brave enough, to change it. That shitty attitude of yours when a woman criticizes you? You ought to be looking real hard at that. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/57 "2012-07-17T03:33:31Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > Dan Savage has a point regarding attractiveness. An ugly guy with a nice bod will get laid more than a guy with a nice face but a doughy body. Hit the gym. It’ll help you blow off steam, plus you’ll get more attractive in the process. And hopefully, continued success at the gym will give you the confidence you currently lack. A buff body won’t hide a repulsive personality. If he’s ugly too, it’s the least of his problems. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/58 "2012-07-17T03:47:02Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Just a simple question: > > Do you think his/her answer is not mean/rude/jerkish/dipstick-ish? > > Thereafter there will be a few more questions but they are all dependent upon your answer. See Left Hand of Dorkness’s answer. Look, almost all of the adults here on the Dope have been in your position. They were awkward, hideous looking, maladjusted, and so on. And a lot of us were also mean to other people. Hey, everyone was mean to us, so that what people did, right? Except it turns out that if you’re a jerk to everyone, they act like jerks right back. If you’re nice to people, you occasionally run into a jerk. But if you’re a jerk almost everyone you meet is a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/59 "2012-07-17T06:41:16Z")
I’m going to (tentatively), kinda-sorta, partially defend **gvozd** here, and suggest that there are a lot of jerkish responses getting piled on here. I’ll focus on one particular point, which I tried to make earlier, but I didn’t put very clearly: Is **gvozd** angry, hostile, bitter, and resentful toward females? Just some females? Just a few in particular? ALL females? If so, when did this begin, and why? Was he just born that way? Or did he become that way, and if so, why? Lemme cut to the chase: Is he having such an unsuccessful career with the females because of his sour attitude? Or does he have that sour attitude because he’s had such an unsuccessful career with the females? Which came first? Which is the cause and which is the result? Every last damn one of you who’s piling on **gvozd** , saying of course he’ll bomb with the females because of his attitude, did you ever consider that you _just might_ have it backward? Maybe (just maybe, we don’t really know here) no female would so much as give him the time of day, just because of his being socially awkward, and after several years of this he became angry and resentful. Happens. Hard to tell, but that’s what I think I see happening here. However, it is striking, as others have mentioned, that he’s gone this way at such a young age. He definitely should find some more productive way to deal with this (or at least he should have tried) for a few years longer before coming to such sour conclusions. But, it may be too late now. Once one becomes overtly “needy” and bitter, it may not be possible to reverse course without getting a girlfriend first, and it may not be possible to get a girlfriend without reversing course first. Apparently, for whatever reason, few females ever gave him a chance, and all the fewer ever will now, but we don’t really know what started him down that path. I write the above about **gvozd** in the third person, because it’s addressed mainly to the other posters who are piling on with all the standard assumptions that might not be right. But to **gvozd** : Does any of the above sound about right to you? You should probably have hung in there a few years longer before coming to believe the things you believe. By now, however, you may be right that your only hope to escape your “torment” is do get yourself de-sexed somehow. Very few people will have the brass balls it takes to tell you that (and even so, it’s just a reasonable guess). No, I don’t know where you could get the meds to do that. Sorry about that. (And you said up front that you don’t want meds – but why?) ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/60 "2012-07-17T06:51:30Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I’m going to (tentatively), kinda-sorta, partially defend **gvozd** here, and suggest that there are a lot of jerkish responses getting piled on here. > > I’ll focus on one particular point, which I tried to make earlier, but I didn’t put very clearly: > > Is **gvozd** angry, hostile, bitter, and resentful toward females? Just some females? Just a few in particular? ALL females? > > If so, when did this begin, and why? Was he just born that way? Or did he become that way, and if so, why? > > Lemme cut to the chase: Is he having such an unsuccessful career with the females because of his sour attitude? Or does he have that sour attitude because he’s had such an unsuccessful career with the females? Which came first? Which is the cause and which is the result? > > Every last damn one of you who’s piling on **gvozd** , saying of course he’ll bomb with the females because of his attitude, did you ever consider that you _just might_ have it backward? Maybe (just maybe, we don’t really know here) no female would so much as give him the time of day, just because of his being socially awkward, and after several years of this he became angry and resentful. Happens. Hard to tell, but that’s what I think I see happening here. > > However, it is striking, as others have mentioned, that he’s gone this way at such a young age. He definitely should find some more productive way to deal with this (or at least he should have tried) for a few years longer before coming to such sour conclusions. But, it may be too late now. Once one becomes overtly “needy” and bitter, it may not be possible to reverse course without getting a girlfriend first, and it may not be possible to get a girlfriend without reversing course first. Apparently, for whatever reason, few females ever gave him a chance, and all the fewer ever will now, but we don’t really know what started him down that path. > > I write the above about **gvozd** in the third person, because it’s addressed mainly to the other posters who are piling on with all the standard assumptions that might not be right. > > But to **gvozd** : Does any of the above sound about right to you? You should probably have hung in there a few years longer before coming to believe the things you believe. By now, however, you may be right that your only hope to escape your “torment” is do get yourself de-sexed somehow. Very few people will have the brass balls it takes to tell you that (and even so, it’s just a reasonable guess). No, I don’t know where you could get the meds to do that. Sorry about that. (And you said up front that you don’t want meds – but why?) Look, I didn’t get a girlfriend until I was 29 years old. Before then I was either ignored or dismissed by women. So I understand the frustration he feels. Yet I never became bitter about it. And more importantly, I’m proof that all hope is not lost if one is behind schedule in social development. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476.md?page=4)