# I am fed up with my sex drive **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 6, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476 "2012-07-06T22:47:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/61 "2012-07-17T12:38:46Z")
My advice: meet women and let them put you in the dreaded “friend zone.” It will remove that mysoginist stink that you’re the only one who can’t smell. No, they won’t fuck you, and they won’t set you up with girlfriends who will. But an exercise in cross-gender relations with them will be more appropriate for you current condition, as opoposed to an unrealistic expectation of finding your One-True-Hot-MonkeySex-Love. And anyway, you’re 19. Your OTHMSL at this point is also the person destined to become your first ex-wife. ---
**Author:** ![gvozd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gvozd/32/7301_2.png) [@gvozd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gvozd)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/62 "2012-07-17T12:57:22Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > My advice: meet women and let them put you in the dreaded “friend zone.” It will remove that mysoginist stink that you’re the only one who can’t smell. > > No, they won’t fuck you, and they won’t set you up with girlfriends who will. But an exercise in cross-gender relations with them will be more appropriate for you current condition, as opoposed to an unrealistic expectation of finding your One-True-Hot-MonkeySex-Love. > > And anyway, you’re 19. Your OTHMSL at this point is also the person destined to become your first ex-wife. Exalted one, I think this is not an answer that you would give me if I was your good friend. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/63 "2012-07-17T13:01:48Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Jerk off all you want, but not to distraction from all the other wonderful things life has to offer. Don’t cheat yourself of the beautiful sunsets, the happy children playing, the sweet old people whose day you’d make with a little bit of your company. Just be careful about combining those activities. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/64 "2012-07-17T13:13:41Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Exalted one, > > I think this is not an answer that you would give me if I was your good friend. I’m the best friend I have, and that was the advice I’d give myself back to when I was your age. **gvozd** ,You have a debillitaing chip on your shoulder, not a monster between your legs. You are at an age when you no longer get a pass for having an as-yet-_unformed_ personality, because it’s quickly becoming a _malformed_ personality. I’m sorry your feelings get hurt and your sex drive is frustrated. Welcome to the adults. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/65 "2012-07-17T14:39:02Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Lemme cut to the chase: Is he having such an unsuccessful career with the females because of his sour attitude? Or does he have that sour attitude because he’s had such an unsuccessful career with the females? Which came first? Which is the cause and which is the result? I’m sorry, but who gives a shit which is cause and which is the result? It’s perfectly acceptable for women not to want to have sex with him. It’s not acceptable for him to be obnoxious to women. Yeah, he might want to sob into his pillow over his lack of sex. I get that, really I do. I remember those college years, and they were awful and lonely. So go cry those tears in private, wipe your eyes, and get back out there. There’s no excuse at all for being shitty toward women. None. And as for folks offering you advice, get this: sometimes people are gonna give you gentle advice in a loving manner. But the people that will do that probably aren’t random strangers on the Internet. And when you unload a whole heap of shittiness toward women in your posts, there’s not a whole lot of love here. You’re not behaving in a likable manner. If you want to get some action, you’re gonna have to change who you are so that you’re more likable. Tough up, listen to the advice, stop being so defensive, and decide if you’re willing to change. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/66 "2012-07-17T15:42:34Z")
My dog has no sex drive. Removing his nuts worked for him. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/67 "2012-07-17T15:54:05Z")
To get some perspective: gvozd, you’re in large company. [Kinsey says](http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#Age) (data from 2005): Percent of population having had first intercourse, by age, for Males: 25% by age 15 37% by age 16 46% by age 17 62% by age 18 69% by age 19 85% by age 20-21 89% by age 22-24 So if you’re 19 years old, over 30 percent of your peers is in the same situation as you. And you see that between ages 19 and 24, that percentage goes up. Statistically, your chances are good. College is for many people the time to get sexual experiences. ---
**Author:** ![gvozd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gvozd/32/7301_2.png) [@gvozd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gvozd)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/68 "2012-07-17T15:58:27Z")
I apologize phouka. I was under the wrong impression. First off, I am not trying to offend you as you try to do to me 😉 Look at my first post. I wrote “regards” to show my politeness. What else should I do in my limited English ability and language barrier? Please listen. > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Yeah, he might want to sob into his pillow over his lack of sex. I get that, really I do. I remember those college years, and they were awful and lonely. So go cry those tears in private, wipe your eyes, and get back out there. Why does it bother you seeing somebody crying? > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I’m sorry, but who gives a shit which is cause and which is the result? I care about that. I created the thread therefore I care. Simple. Logic. Get it sir? > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > It’s perfectly acceptable for women not to want to have sex with him. It’s not acceptable for him to be obnoxious to women. Yes sure. But in this thread what is happening is that I thought she was being obnoxious. Don’t create silly scenarios in your mind, like I am being obnoxious because not all women have sex with me 😃 > [@](#): > > in a thread where you’re asking for advice, you ought to shut up and listen. What the hell is this? People are rude and mean to you but you just have to be silent even when they insult and offend you. This is unacceptable. I guess, Life is just not nice to some people. Thus they try to get rid of their misery by trying to step on people. > [@](#): > > You have a debillitaing chip on your shoulder In your opinion, why do I have a chip on my shoulder? What is the cause of this? If I know cause I can get rid of this I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/69 "2012-07-17T16:02:56Z")
A very long thread with a [similar topic](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=166713), from way back. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/70 "2012-07-17T16:23:42Z")
Wow, I posted in that thread, too. Two weeks later the US invaded Iraq - if that puts our personal problems in any sort of perspective. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/71 "2012-07-17T19:05:42Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Yes. There is an old saying in my native language:\*\* Whatsoever someone is at the age of 7 shall be the same at the age of 70.\*\* So? It’s not set in stone. It’s a saying. We have them in English too–they don’t have to rule your life. :dubious: > [@](#): > > Partner or absolutely no wanting to have sex. My, my. And whatever will you do, young lad, when your partner doesn’t want sex? :rolleyes: I actually like the black and white thinking here: I must have a constantly sexually available female OR castration! There are no other options! > [@](#): > > I do not understand what you are getting at. Oh, you crazy kids. Middle-aged suburban American soccer mom checking in here: he means a prostitute. > [@](#): > > If I am not mistaken, castrating myself will NOT remove the state of being emotionally attracted to females. This is a rather drastic solution to a temporary problem–sort of like beheading yourself because of an itchy scalp. > [@](#): > > Medicine. Going abroad, to a language course, with an intention to improve my social skills and stuff. But it just did the opposite. Here’s a another saying for you: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” > [@](#): > > Until this part I though you were trying to help. But I am losing my faith in you. Is this your way to relieve stress, on a forum paining people? > That’s why I asked for castrating, not for dating tips. > > 1-) I don’t need your approval. > > 2-) If you don’t like the way I call your kind, just don’t read. > > 3-) I will not change the way I call your kind because you arrogantly want it. See #2 > > 4-) Just piece of advice for you: > > Stop being annoying. > > Stop being arrogant. > > To pain someone who is already in pain will not benefit you. “Your kind?” Seriously? Cluephone: females are not another species. If you regard us as females and refer to us this way, no wonder you’re not getting any. :dubious: “To pain” is incorrect. You can cause someone pain or something can be painful, you can even have a pain (like in your head), you can even BE a pain (to someone else), but you cannot “to pain” someone(it pains me to tell you this). Plus, your statement is incorrect: to cause hurt to someone who is already in pain may well benefit me–but that’s just me being very Doperish. Bottom line: Find SOMETHING that interests you that involves socializing. Do this. Learn to laugh at yourself. Stop concentrating on sex 24/7. Even 19 year old guys can do this. Get checked out by a doctor, just in case. When you meet a “female person” (let’s call her a woman, ok?) at this shared interest you now have, remember to laugh at yourself, but also to not laugh at others (at least until you get to know them). IOW, learn some civility, manners and patience. Instead of approaching this issue as “me, me, me–must have sex NOW” like a big baby, maybe you could invest a bit of yourself into friendships and getting to know and like others. Also, if the “unattractive” is due to personal hygiene or skin issues–see your doctor or read a men’s magazine on tips to reduce body odor, clear up acne etc. Most people who are getting laid have put forth some effort to do so. Good luck, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/72 "2012-07-17T19:19:47Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Look, almost all of the adults here on the Dope have been in your position. They were awkward, hideous looking, maladjusted, and so on. Speak for yourself! I was never awkward. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/73 "2012-07-17T19:29:51Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Here’s a another saying for you: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This. A hundred times\* this\*. Now, you shouldn’t let your _chercher-la-femme_ activities take over too much of your time, energy, and $$…_but_ you do have to get over being afraid of failure and rejection. It took me way too long to realize that failure is a \*good \*thing. Everyone is going to have a “failure rate” – typically, let’s say 5% of attempts at getting a relationship going lead to something good. That means if you haven’t failed at least 19 times (on average), you’re never likely to succeed! The biggest problem for me was that I equated failure (of one’s hopes at the moment) with _embarrassment_. That’s really a hard emotion to overcome. But it can be mimimized, with practice. ---
**Author:** ![gvozd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gvozd/32/7301_2.png) [@gvozd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gvozd)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/74 "2012-07-17T19:35:58Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > Speak for yourself! > > I was never awkward. [http://resim.donanimhaber.com/upfiles/966648/56CC10E126104A559FCB2FBC618072B7.jpg](http://resim.donanimhaber.com/upfiles/966648/56CC10E126104A559FCB2FBC618072B7.jpg) Whoa!!!1111!!11 Congrats sir. Now tell’em boss tell them! > [@bucketybuck](#): > > Speak for yourself! He said “almost”, not everyone. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > “Your kind?” Seriously? Cluephone: females are not another species. If you regard us as females and refer to us this way, no wonder you’re not getting any. :dubious: It is not an offensive word. Why is it not offensive to call men as male while women feel offended when they are called as female? Seriously asking. > [@eleanorigby](#): > > “To pain” is incorrect. You can cause someone pain or something can be painful, you can even have a pain (like in your head), you can even BE a pain (to someone else), but you cannot “to pain” someone(it pains me to tell you this). > **[Oxford Languages | The Home of Language Data](https://languages.oup.com/)** > > Explore Oxford Languages, the home of world-renowned language data. Can I say “you cause emotional pain to me”? > [@eleanorigby](#): > > Plus, your statement is incorrect: to cause hurt to someone who is already in pain may well benefit me–but that’s just me being very Doperish. Hell yeah!!! Would you be offended if I call you “Maiden of Anguish” ? ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/59ef9b/32.png) [@FlyingRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRat)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/75 "2012-07-17T20:42:51Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > It is not an offensive word. Why is it not offensive to call men as male while women feel offended when they are called as female? Seriously asking. You’re right, “female” is not an offensive word by itself, but it can be used in ways that many women find offensive. The reason it’s offensive is that it suggests that someone is less of a person, or that their being a person isn’t important. “Female” can apply to all kinds of animals, after all, while a “woman” is a human being. (Yes, the exact same thing is true of “male” and “man”, except men don’t get called “males” as often as women get called “females”.\*) I think the reason that people in this thread reacted strongly is that many, many times, on this board or elsewhere, we have heard (young) men complaining about their love lives-- and experience shows that when someone uses the word “female” instead of “woman”, they often have unrealistic expectations about relationships (for example, that all “females” are the same). It’s one of those little things that seems insignificant, but can give clues to the way someone is thinking. I don’t think you meant to offend, especially since English isn’t your first language! I would definitely advise to use “women” instead of “females” in the future, though, in English writing and speech. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/76 "2012-07-17T20:47:59Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Whoa!!!1111!!11 Congrats sir. Now tell’em boss tell them! Oh I told 'em. I told 'em good. I said, “Yo peoples, I am never awkward, in fact, I is a super confident bitch at the best o’times”. Yeah, I told 'em, you betta believe that! ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/77 "2012-07-17T21:14:24Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > Dan Savage has a point regarding attractiveness. An ugly guy with a nice bod will get laid more than a guy with a nice face but a doughy body. Hit the gym. It’ll help you blow off steam, plus you’ll get more attractive in the process. And hopefully, continued success at the gym will give you the confidence you currently lack. Another piece of advice that Savage gives for older teens is to not concentrate so much on getting their 19 year old self laid, but work on getting your 21 year old self laid. Hit the gym (like **Brain Dead** said), read books, take classes, work on developing social skills and go out and meet people. Person A might not be interested, but she might like you and introduce you to Person B or Person C. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2012, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/78 "2012-07-17T21:34:37Z")
> [@gvozd](#): > > Why does it bother you seeing somebody crying? It doesn’t, but here’s a pro-tip: very, very few women find the sight of a man crying because he can’t get laid sexy (if any woman in this thread wants to gainsay me on that, I’ll stand corrected). Unfair? Maybe. But that’s how it is, so I suggest you cry those tears in private if you want to get some action. And that’s metaphorical, too: in general, desperation is unsexy. If you look like you’re anguishing over not getting laid, not many women are going to find you attractive. Which was my problem. When I was actively seeking out relationships, I knew I looked desperate, because I felt desperate, and I couldn’t figure out how to stop looking desperate, and women tended to get creeped out by that desperation. Every relationship I got into was when I finally stopped looking for a relationship and thereby stopped cock-blocking myself. > [@](#): > > I care about that. I created the thread therefore I care. Simple. Logic. Get it sir? Okay, great, you care about the relationship between your shitty attitude and your virginity. But you’ve already managed to get yourself in bed. If you care about having a relationship with other people, then it’s what matters to them that’s important, and they’re not gonna care about the relationship between your misogyny and your virginity: seeing the one, they’re gonna care about the other. Simple. Logic. Get it sir? > [@](#): > > Yes sure. But in this thread what is happening is that I thought she was being obnoxious. Don’t create silly scenarios in your mind, like I am being obnoxious because not all women have sex with me 😃 That was someone else who created that scenario, suggesting your misogyny could be excused (or something) because of your lack of getting some action. Not my scenario. You responded to her heartfelt, if blunt, correction of your terminology with nasty misogynist rant, and again, there’s no excuse for that, not even if you did it because you thought she was being obnoxious. > [@](#): > > What the hell is this? People are rude and mean to you but you just have to be silent even when they insult and offend you. This is unacceptable. No, I’m not telling you to be silent when people insult you. I’m telling you that when you ask for advice, shut up and listen to it, even if the advice is painful or threatening to you. Your response to advice has been to get defensive and nasty back to people, which is totally fine if you want to continue in your lack of a relationship. But if you’re serious about change, then again, shut up and listen to people who are trying to help you. Because despite the rough nature of these posts, I think we’re all rooting for you, hoping you can find your way to change enough to be genuinely attractive to an awesome woman. Right, folks? ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/79 "2012-07-18T23:53:48Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > When we were about 12, my friend Jay said he couldn’t wait to grow up and get married, “Cause then I can have sex whenever and how often I want!” I often wonder how that worked out for him - my guess is he learned the err of his youthful fantasy rather quickly. Eons ago, I overheard the receptionist/secretary of the tiny company I worked for as she was talking to a friend who was visiting. It started out as “Did you hear Jeff’s mistress dumped him?” “No. What happened?” “She asked why, if she wasn’t pissed about the sex-on-the-side and he didn’t seem to love her anyway, why he ever married his wife in the first place.” “And?” “When he said, ‘So I could get sex all the time.’ she called him a pig and left.” “And he didn’t figure it out, did he?” “No. That’s Jeff. I doubt he ever will.” –G! Love is more than a one way reflection STOP… using Sex As A Weapon . --Pat Benatar . Sex as a Weapon . Seven the Hard Way ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476/80 "2012-07-19T01:39:29Z")
Moving to IMHO. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-fed-up-with-my-sex-drive/627476.md?page=5)