# I am frustrated by my mother **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 27, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173 "2012-02-27T18:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scholar\_Beardpig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Scholar\_Beardpig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scholar_Beardpig)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/21 "2012-02-27T20:37:55Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I don’t believe the OP is a scholar OR a beardpig… Or much of anything he’s said, for that matter. It’s alright; I probably wouldn’t believe it, either. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/22 "2012-02-27T20:43:54Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Before I showed up, her general go-to computer problems strategy was to rely on a $75/hour one-man technician who spends most of his time sitting on hold for tech support. I’d prefer that I inherit that money rather than him receive it as an ill-earned fee. Then regard this situation as how you are earning your inheritance. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/23 "2012-02-27T20:45:08Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > EDIT: To people who want to know about the tragic and hilarious death, I’m afraid I have to decline; the circumstances are, in all seriousness, so bizarre that they could be used to identify me.’ Are you the son of Malcolm Forbes? Vic Morrow? David Carradine? Bob Crane? Albert Dekker? . . . _D.B. Cooper?_ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/24 "2012-02-27T22:21:15Z")
I enjoyed your fable. My mother is turning 70 this year, and after a lifetime of being unbelievably competent, she is also sliding into helplessness when it comes to technology. I don’t think it’s that she wants to be helpless; I think it’s more of a case of she’s just tired of learning new things. We set her up with a computer (a Mac so we wouldn’t have to worry about viruses 😃 ), and she emails all the time, and she knows how to play games online and surf and upload pictures from her camera, and that’s about all she wants to know. She doesn’t want an upgraded computer, she doesn’t want new bells and whistles - she just wants to do what she knows how to do. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/25 "2012-02-27T22:45:22Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > . . . _D.B. Cooper?_ Oh, great. Now that you said the name, he’s never coming back. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/26 "2012-02-27T23:53:06Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Oh, great. Now that you said the name, he’s never coming back. Nah, he comes back if you say his name five times in front of a mirror. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/27 "2012-02-28T01:30:01Z")
> [@andros](#): > > Nah, he comes back if you say his name five times in front of a mirror. Speaking of coming back, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here for a while, **Mr. andros.** Good to see you again. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/28 "2012-02-28T01:43:22Z")
> [@andros](#): > > Nah, he comes back if you say his name five times in front of a mirror. AND DOES WHAT?!?!?!? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/29 "2012-02-28T02:02:55Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > AND DOES WHAT?!?!?!? :eek: His parachute fails to open and he dive bombs into your toilet. Keep the lid down. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/30 "2012-02-28T02:17:49Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > His parachute fails to open and he dive bombs into your toilet. Keep the lid down. And then Tony Todd, Biggie Smalls, and Hastur do a nice soft-shoe on the tile. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/31 "2012-02-28T02:19:33Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Speaking of coming back, I don’t think I’ve seen you around here for a while, **Mr. andros.** Good to see you again. 🙂 Thanks, **Cat** , good to be here. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/32 "2012-02-28T02:22:25Z")
You’re lucky you still have your mom around to drive you crazy. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/33 "2012-02-28T03:31:01Z")
> [@andros](#): > > Nah, he comes back if you say his name five times in front of a mirror. That would be Bees not D.B.'s. 🆒 I have my antique hand mirror in hand, do not mess with me. I am not nearly as old as the Mom but I am getting to the point where I don’t want to learn new ways to do the same old shit either. Some times the old way is good enough. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/34 "2012-02-28T04:23:14Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Of course, this attitude of ‘spend as much money as possible to solve a problem rather than put the slightest effort to fixing it by your own labor’ is her particular inheritence from my father. Or it was the other way 'round, like for my mother: my mother’s most well-developed skills are spending money and getting other people to do things for her which she could have done herself (she most graciously accepts the help) - when the twain meet, well, you know. She also refuses to let other people do the things she herself should not be doing and grumbles no end while they do it. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/35 "2012-02-28T04:30:07Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > …To people who want to know about the tragic and hilarious death, I’m afraid I have to decline; the circumstances are, in all seriousness, so bizarre that they could be used to identify me, and I’ve been advised by some lawyers - there is still an ongoing estate inheritance battle - to not talk about it in such a way that it could be traced back to me, lest it serve as ammunition for a meritless and vexatious lawsuit filed in another state that I would have to pay good money to reply to, however cursory that reply would be before the case would be dismissed. This is as close as I’m getting, I suppose, to the actual Pit thread I want to make, which is something to the effect of, ‘goddamn expensive vexatious lawsuits.’ > [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Alright, this is as close as I’ll come to telling his story - he found himself afflicted with an excruciatingly painful yet easy-to-fix health problem that he could have had cured two hours after he got it and continued to live happily, but he elected instead to simply ignore it and lingered in agony for almost two weeks before becoming terminally unconscious. Once the ambulance took him to the hospital - my mother was so frightened of his displeasure that she refused to make the call until he was literally at death’s door - he caught pneumonia and died… Damnit. I was going to ask if it involved a well-hung horse. ---
**Author:** ![r\_u\_serious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b5e925/32.png) [@r\_u\_serious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/r_u_serious)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/36 "2012-02-28T05:18:03Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Second, it’s not that she doesn’t know how to do things; it’s that she is uninterested in learning. I have come to accept, philosophically, that until the business is settled, my job is to sit and wait until something needs doing, but I can’t accept that she’s incapable of learning something. Perhaps it is neither that she is uninterested or incapable but that she simply needs encouragement to give her the confidence to try. Or not. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/37 "2012-02-28T07:28:37Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Actually, the car thing never happened. It’s constantly threatening to, though. I liked it as metaphor, though, because the actual thing is just learned helplessness vis-a-vis computers, which I spent at least an hour a day doing on her behalf because she won’t sit down to learn anything. (We’ve actually had the ‘don’t click on the first couple links of a google search because it’s an advertisement’ talk six discrete times, and tabbed browsing remains a mystery after eight tries.) > > But I figured it would be more fun to read if I wrote it as a fable. Somebody at a party told me I had a knack for fables and tall tales, so I thought I’d give a hand to it. Trying to write a fable for an OP was a good idea, but yours kind of missed the mark here. It didn’t really say what you wanted it to say. Besides, metaphors only work when the reader knows what is being alluded to. That said, I sympathize with your position, just, well, better luck next time on the creativity aspect. And by the way, you’ve never tweaked my bullshit-o-meter, so **Bob Ducca** might not believe you, by I do. ---
**Author:** ![Beastly\_Rotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Beastly\_Rotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beastly_Rotter)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/38 "2012-02-28T07:46:26Z")
> [@Scholar\_Beardpig](#): > > Alright, this is as close as I’ll come to telling his story - he found himself afflicted with an excruciatingly painful yet easy-to-fix health problem that he could have had cured two hours after he got it and continued to live happily, but he elected instead to simply ignore it and lingered in agony for almost two weeks before becoming terminally unconscious. Once the ambulance took him to the hospital - my mother was so frightened of his displeasure that she refused to make the call until he was literally at death’s door - he caught pneumonia and died. Well, I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/39 "2012-02-28T14:48:15Z")
Are you related to **ManBearPig**? ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173/40 "2012-02-28T15:22:02Z")
Well, after all these years of deeply resenting the wealthy for their ability to just fling money at problems and have other people solve them, I find myself grateful that I will never be wealthy. Because I would be frustrated with the OP’s mama as well. I would so much rather toil and work and figure out on my own how to solve my problems than stand there wringing my hands as the world turned to shit around me and no amount of money would solve the problem. IOW, I’d rather be broke and independent than \*dependently \*wealthy, paralyzed from willful ignorance and learned helplessness. Sad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-frustrated-by-my-mother/614173.md?page=3)