# I am GOD
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [August 23, 1999, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005 "1999-08-23T21:17:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Leslie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leslie)
#### Post date: [August 24, 1999, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/21 "1999-08-24T15:01:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Why is the poster “GOD” actually claiming to be God?? I mean Satan does not claim to be the mighty dark lord himself. Whats with the charade? Personality complex, what? Im definitely not a bible thumper, but the fact that someone has taken it upon themselves to pose as the highest religious figure which billions of people worldwide over thousands of years take seriously, seems like the biggest act of perjury in history.
Aww, c’mon Neobican. Don’t be so grumpy. Haven’t you ever read any of the “Conversations with God” books? I mean, just use your imagination and pretend it really is GOD out there. Just let go, ask questions, and see what comes up.
The mystic in me then says “does it really even matter if this is the real GOD”? I mean, what is GOD anyway, and how would we know if we saw him/her/it?
GOD is in all of us. Therefore, the GOD we’re chatting with here is as good as any thunder/lightning/celestial throne god.
Just my $.02.
* * *
I think you’re _smarter_ than a dumb slug. - Christopher A. Evans
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### Author:  [@Mr\_Thin\_Skin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Thin_Skin)
#### Post date: [August 24, 1999, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/22 "1999-08-24T16:24:00Z")
Are you all blind?
GOD is loverock. Remember GOD came into being at the end of the loverock hoax. HE is the same group of regulars that perpetrated loverock. Watch GOD’s email address carefully and remember that when you change your email address a new password is sent to that address.
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### Author:  [@Leslie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leslie)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/23 "1999-08-25T05:12:00Z")
Good. I’m glad. It’s too much work for one person to have to be GOD.
“Here honey, I’m tired. You be GOD for a while.”
I love that!
* * *
I think you’re _smarter_ than a dumb slug. - Christopher A. Evans
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### Author:  [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/24 "1999-08-25T05:12:00Z")
Hey, Big Guy, can you end this foolish debate about creationism/evolution once and for all? I personally don’t give a damn; I’m just tired of all the pontificating jackasses.
God was my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
Yours, apathetically.
BTW, this could be a vey amusing thread.
* * *
**Abstainer:** _a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure._
**- Ambrose Bierce**
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### Author:  [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)
#### Post date: [August 24, 1999, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/25 "1999-08-24T22:13:00Z")
Wow, a chance to talk to God. As a diehard baseball fan, I just gotta know, what did the Red Sox do to piss you off?
* * *
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
```
Warren Zevon
```
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### Author:  [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)
#### Post date: [August 24, 1999, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/26 "1999-08-24T22:15:00Z")
Ah, Mr. Thin Skin, you’re no fun anymore. Where else am I going to get the opportunity to flame GOD?
Oh, and GOD? About that sacrifice thing. You said: “BTW, sacrifice was a human idea”.
Oh really? Then how about that little trick you pulled on Abraham and Isaac? Didn’t you _command_ Abraham to sacrifice his son? Of course, when he was about to go through with it, you did jump in and say, “Never mind, just kidding!” but you also provided a handy ram so the sacrifice could be made. Why not just say, “no, no - sacrifice isn’t really necessary.”?
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### Author:  [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)
#### Post date: [August 24, 1999, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/27 "1999-08-24T23:17:00Z")
Neobican posted
> [@](#):
>
> Why is the poster “GOD” actually claiming to be God?? I mean Satan does not claim to be the mighty dark lord himself. Whats with the charade?
I, however, _ **am** _ a near Eastern mountain.
And being present at the Isaac event, I can tell you that GOD doesn’t demand human sacrifice but accepts those who voluntarily sacrifice themselves for a larger good.
However, if you don’t believe GOD or me, than you commence to worship Goldberg, who is God.
Peace.
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/28 "1999-08-25T03:30:00Z")
## Hey GOD, since you know all tell me who or what is this loverock thing? I haven’t been here long yet keep reading references to it or them or whatever! Thanks! And don’t go around the board reading my other posts. I don’t think you’d approve!
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/29 "1999-08-25T03:38:00Z")
Byz baby, by all that’s holy, unholy, or just plain indifferent, PLEASE retract that last question! We’ll pretend we never read it, and everyone will be much, MUCH happier.
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/30 "1999-08-25T04:16:00Z")
## Please, PLEASE ignore that question. I have gotten an answer. Thanks!
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.
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### Author:  [@t.g](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t.g)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/31 "1999-08-25T08:32:00Z")
Uh, excuse me God, but I have a couple of questions if you don’t mind.
Why did You make fleas, and all the other blood sucking pests. I hate bugs.
And I want to know where you got the idea for hummingbirds too, strange little creatures, pretty though.
* * *
t.g.
sweet innocent little old grandma type person
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### Author:  [@the\_first\_supraliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_first_supraliminal)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/32 "1999-08-25T11:52:00Z")
Hey, GOD, can you send me something about loverock, also. (I think you told Byzantine)
I just missed the part where loverock was revealed to be other posters on this board. I would just like to know who the culprits were. Shall I get down on my knees?
* * *
¾È ³ç, ÁÖ µ¿ ÀÏ
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### Author:  [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/33 "1999-08-25T13:50:00Z")
Hi, GOD. Um, just a quick question. Two years ago this October, I realized I didn’t believe in you anymore. Is that OK?
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### Author:  [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/34 "1999-08-25T15:48:00Z")
MrKnowItAll, it’s OK. I still believe in you.
RE: Zeus and Satan; they, like all other supernatural beings AND natural beings, are aspects of me. So are you all.
RE: Abe&Isaac; listen, throughout the ages, all kinds of hallucinations have been attributed to me. Grain-o-salt, people.
RE: the evil in human nature; it really didn’t start that way. I let you guys evolve as you saw fit.
RE: gambling and sporting events; I have an ABSOLUTE hands-off policy. If I allowed the Holocaust, the Inquisition, etc…do you really think I’m gonna look down at a ballgame or a craps table and think “Now **this** is something I need to do something about” ?
Hey folks, the fleas were a mistake. Sorry. I stand by the cockroaches, though. Something has to survive your final nuclear war. If, Man forbid, it should come down to that.
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### Author:  [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/35 "1999-08-25T16:46:00Z")
Hey GOD, still ducking the evolution/creatonism question? I know its a tough one but I need Your Word to shut these people up one and for all.
While I’m here, what’s with the platypus? Did you just throw together something with all the leftover pieces?
And another one, just what is “Holy Shit?”
* * *
**Abstainer:** _a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure._
**- Ambrose Bierce**
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### Author:  [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)
#### Post date: [August 25, 1999, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/36 "1999-08-25T20:17:00Z")
GOD saieth: “Grain-o-salt, people”. Shouldn’t that have been, “pillar-of-salt”?
If everything and everyone is merely an aspect of you, funny that you’d be described as a jealous god - “no other god” etc., etc.
Oh, I forgot - you’re denying that you had any hand in the writing of the Bible. Those poor people were just hallucinating.
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### Author:  [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)
#### Post date: [August 26, 1999, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/37 "1999-08-26T03:58:00Z")
UncleBeer: I’m not ducking the question nor am I platypussing the question. The fact is that despite all evidence to the contrary, you folks are gonna believe what you want to believe. Whatever gets you through the night.
BTW, Holy Shit = Divine Excrement, of course.
It is nothing. Since I am everything, I excrete pure nothingness.
aseymayo: I didn’t say I had **no** hand in it; I said it lost a lot in the translations. It wasn’t very clear to the original writers, either. You know how hard it is to describe a dream accurately? Visions are a lot like that.
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### Author:  [@t.g](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t.g)
#### Post date: [August 26, 1999, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/38 "1999-08-26T04:03:00Z")
Excuse me God, but I need to quote you here
God said
“Hey folks the fleas were a mistake . Sorry”
Does this mean that God is not perfect and All knowing or could it possibly mean that \< gasp, horror\> God isn’t REALLY GOD but instead is god or even a regular person \
Hey how often do you get the chance to pick on God, uh God YOU know I’m joking right please say you do.
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### Author:  [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)
#### Post date: [August 26, 1999, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/39 "1999-08-26T04:26:00Z")
I have a delivery of one lightning bolt for a mister t.g.
Sign here please\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_.
Thank you
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### Author:  [@t.g](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t.g)
#### Post date: [August 26, 1999, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-god/2005/40 "1999-08-26T04:35:00Z")
Uh, Slythe, it’s Ms. t.g. and my mommy won’t let me sign for deliveies
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