It’s o.k.
We’re UPS.
We’ll let ANYBODY sign for deliveries. You. Your next door neighbor. A total stranger. Your dog.
If nobody signs, we’ll just leave it on the front porch, in full view.
We’re UPS. We deliver. Whether you want it or not. ;).
“Hey folks, the fleas were a mistake. Sorry. I stand by the cockroaches, though. Something has to survive your final nuclear war. If, Man forbid, it should come down to that.”
Nothing personal, GOD, but I’m gonna eliminate every flea and cockroach I can. My kitten has volunteered his services to help me search out and destroy cockroaches, so I guess that they DO serve a good purpose. But if I see a roach, I’m gonna step on it.
Lynn the Packrat
Lynn - have you considered wearing high heels while stomping those roaches and video taping it? You might be able to make a few bucks.
GOD, when football players give You credit for winning a game, would it be true that You forsook the losing team?
Now, GOD - first you say you’ve maintained a strictly hands-off, non-interference policy since Creation, then you say you did have a hand in the creation of the Bible. Isn’t that interference?
As for mistranslations and poor interpretations in the Bible - you certainly managed to get the 10 Commandments across loud and clear. Or did Moses dream those up himself?
Thanks for the reply GOD. I used to talk to you often in my younger and more foolish days. This is the first time you have ever replied. Must be the new fractional T1 line. The other stuff is probably still clogged up in the GTE’s telepone lines.
All hail the bandwidth.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Ambrose Bierce
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-
Benjamin Franklin
You’re not God. God loves the seventh-inning stretch, ball park hot dogs, and the look that kids have going to their first live ballgame. God invented the special sound of real wood smacking a baseball and the smell of oiled, leather mitts.
No way man, you’re not God.
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
Warren ZevonForgive me, GOD, if you’ve been asked this a million times already, but, what do people say to you when you sneeze?
Bluepony said:
I just got all misty eyed. -Sniff- -Sniff-
I bet you LOVED “Field of Dreams.”
Adam
“Life is hard…but God is good”
God
What are you were doing when women scream your name at climax?
God
Please give us a edit button.
BTW, that holy shit thing came from an actual event. In one defenistration (sp) a guy, (who’s name I cant remember), was prevented from certain death because he landed in a huge pile of shit. He decided it was the work of god. Well, was it?
aseymayo: No, not interference. They caught glimpses of me on their own. Moses was a straight-up guy but suffered a bit of grandiosity that got downright delusional. The Top 10 were mostly pretty good, but some didn’t make much sense. For instance, who could I be jealous of?
Gilligan: They name it “Hurricane_________”
Steelwhip: What am I doing then? Enjoying it immensely, of course.
Dapy Man: Shit happens.
GOD, how do I know which description of you is right? I rejected the one crammed down my throat for fifteen years because it sounded like nonsense, but the world is so cool that I’m pretty sure you (or all of you) exist. I just can’t prove it.
Will I rot in firey hell because I didn’t find the right discription in time, or is that just more nonsense? If souls are eternal the whole “redemption prior to death” law is stupid, mean, and unGODlike.
What’s your stand on highlighters; can I use them on religous texts to key in on stuff I don’t understand? If I don’t know whether to believe the text, am I commiting sacrilege or studying? My childhood preacher told me that whole idea came about when people couldn’t afford to buy their own copies, so the ones who could read used a church library.
Does asking such questions make me evil and faithless or does it make the faith I will eventually adopt stronger? I’ve heard it both ways.
p.s. I’m working on the whole swearing thing, but bad habits are hard to break.
p.p.s. Please tell the va to approve my college money. I’m woefully uneducated and what learning I do have has long since gone to the bad place.
possibly the world’s only naive cynic
dawnbird: I like people who ask a lot of questions. You’re in.