# I Am Going To Blow People Mind's At My Funeral **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 7, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280 "2001-08-07T14:40:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/61 "2002-04-26T21:12:38Z")
I’ve decided I don’t want to be embalmed. The notion that I’ll still be “perfectly preserved” x many years after I expire gives me the willies. I’d much rather “return to the soil” and “the circle of life” and all. As for the actual funeral, I don’t have any plans yet. But as I’m 22, hopefully I’ll have a long time before I have to think about it. :knock on wood: ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/62 "2002-04-27T00:32:24Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by RickJay \* > \*\* A keg funeral._\* SWEET!!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/63 "2002-04-27T00:41:54Z")
When the good doctor pulled him out to have a peek, Bernard woke up and said " **gotcha**?’ To which the startled doctor replied “ **ya**!” ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/64 "2002-04-27T00:53:04Z")
Well, I’ve always wanted to have my body (or at least my head) frozen, then fired out of the solar system on a space probe. With luck, I’d eventually be found and ressurected by aliens…or if not ressurected, at least given a nice spot in a museum. And if just my head is launched, I’d like to have somthing done to the rest of my corpse involving ritual cannibalism by my friends, but I’m pretty sure there are laws against that. ☹ As for the REAL fun, I plan on putting some memorable caveats in my will, like forcing anyone who wants to claim inheritance to spend one night in a haunted insane asylum. Or to have to travel to Machu Pichu and find a buried chest containing the next half of the will, or something. Ranchoth ---
**Author:** ![drpepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@drpepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drpepper)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/65 "2002-04-27T01:23:25Z")
> [@](#): > > I want to be in an open casket with my body surrounded by cubes of dark-rye bread. About an hour into the wake my breast-plate will be be removed to expose a chest cavity full of dill dip. Snacks-n-mourning, they go hand in hand. Alright, **desceder** , how did I miss this snorter the first go-around of this thread? Let me just say in response to your sick sense of humor: “Be my friend”. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/66 "2002-04-27T04:14:56Z")
I once told my wife that when I died I wanted to be cremated on a pyre made of all the books in my library. Her response was that we’d never get a permit to recreate the Great Chicago Fire. She also once said that if (in violation of our agreement) I die before her she has visions of getting a phone call from the funeral director. “Mrs. L. I don’t know how to say this, but your husband’s body is missing.” “Did you put those books I gave you in the coffin?” “No, I thought you just wanted them for the viewing.” “Check the nearest library or bookstore - he’s probably looking for something to read.” ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/67 "2002-04-27T05:33:16Z")
When I pass on, I want the undertaker to replace the embalming fluid in my circulatory system with delicious Tennesee Sour Mash Whiskey. Then find some way to preserve me with the whiskey-for-blood (shouldn’t be _too_ hard) and have me set up Lenin-Style in a mausoleum with me preserved for all to see, only I want them to rig my body so that when someone enters the room, my corpse sits up, shoots fire out my mouth accompanied by a belching sound. In fact, just turn the mausoleum into one of those haunted-house rides with me in it. I’m sure my mother would be proud 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DPWhite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d26b3c/32.png) [@DPWhite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPWhite)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/68 "2002-04-27T07:06:33Z")
Here in the San Francsico Bay Area, everybody who is anybody moves to Colma (living population about 850) after they die. Many of my relatives/ancestors are already getting down there. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/69 "2002-04-28T07:23:12Z")
At my funeral, nobody will be allowed to use the odious expressions “passed on” or “passed away.” My curse will be brought unto them should they do such a thing. Instead, they’ll have to choose from among the expressions “up and keeled over,” “done bought the farm,” and “kicked the bucket.” My epitaph should say “Sexiest Man Formerly Alive” (or something like that). Then again, I think that, in the middle of a serious-seeming eulogy at my funeral, crazed buffoons in gorilla suits should run into the proceedings, screaming and chanting obscene limericks, and take my body to some kind of miniature longboat where I’ll receive a Viking funeral. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/70 "2002-04-29T19:01:32Z")
I want a weekend at Bernie’s type. Let a couple of friends take me around to a few clubs, have a party… and leave me propped up in a corner of the E train. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/71 "2002-06-13T10:22:44Z")
Where did Wildest Bill go? Banned? Why? ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/72 "2002-06-13T15:46:00Z")
I want to SERIOUSLY fuck with peoples minds. At the Viewing, my body will be hidden behind a curtain. The Mourners will all be seated. When the curtain is drawn back, they will not see a casket, but me… Propped STANDING UP… My arms across my chest… A scowl on my face… My eyes WIDE OPEN. Let 'em know I’m THOROUGHLY PISSED at all of them. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/73 "2002-06-13T16:02:06Z")
Maybe if they’ll just strap some night vision goggles on me. That would be nice. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/74 "2002-06-13T18:16:09Z")
This thread got ressurected (har!) to ask why WB got banned? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/75 "2002-06-13T19:26:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ElwoodCuse \* > \*\*This thread got ressurected (har!) to ask why WB got banned? \*\* Booooooo! ---
**Author:** ![Victory\_Candescence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Victory\_Candescence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Victory_Candescence)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/76 "2002-06-14T04:06:17Z")
Whenever someone’s banned, I click on their\* profile, and take a look at the last few posts they gave. You can learn a lot from their circumstances just before their being smitten by Mod. \*Gender-neutral third-person singular ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/77 "2002-06-14T04:26:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\* > > Booooooo! \*\* Gotcha ya! ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/78 "2002-06-14T05:00:11Z")
So, um… where’s Wildest Bill then? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/79 "2002-06-14T09:51:49Z")
Not here. How are we supposed to know where he is? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280/80 "2002-06-14T11:26:27Z")
My all-time favorite obit headline (from the NY Times, no less): “So long, Dali, it’s been surreal.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-going-to-blow-people-minds-at-my-funeral/75280.md?page=5)