# I am heartbroken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 6, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846 "2010-09-06T22:28:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/101 "2010-09-09T01:45:22Z")
Heh, I have to admit I thought about it, but IIRC, Michael was the older one by a few minutes, plus we have a brother who is the middle child, so Buster would have been the most fitting…yet I thought kinda insulting 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/102 "2010-09-09T02:04:40Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Heh, I have to admit I thought about it, but IIRC, Michael was the older one by a few minutes, plus we have a brother who is the middle child, so Buster would have been the most fitting…yet I thought kinda insulting 😛 AD spoiler ahead: Lindsay was older by a few years. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/103 "2010-09-09T02:22:52Z")
SHOOT! That’s right! I forgot about that episode; thanks **Gestalt**. I was going off of the early-in-the-series stuff. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/104 "2010-09-09T02:33:58Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > > > You son doesn’t deserve to send half his paycheck for the next 18 years to this girl just because they made one, stupid 5 minute mistake. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a “responsibility” issue either; he gets just one go-around on this green Earth to make his life what he wants it to be, and he deserves to live his life to the fullest. > > What, you don’t believe that actions have consequences? :rolleyes: Of course they do, but keeping the baby would be compounding the mistake, not being responsible. ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/105 "2010-10-16T14:05:47Z")
To update an old thread, my son’s girlfriend miscarried yesterday. He got the news 30 minutes before he was to play in a state tournament soccer game, so he wasn’t at his best. I cringed, not least because he recently had shared that he was having recurring nightmares where a nurse handed him the baby and it was dead. Thanks to all the Dopers who gave advice – it definitely gave me a sense of perspective when I desperately needed it. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/106 "2010-10-16T14:19:31Z")
I’m …sorry? ---
**Author:** ![Sarabellum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarabellum/32/3492_2.png) [@Sarabellum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarabellum)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/107 "2010-10-16T14:20:31Z")
Thanks for the update. I was just wondering how things were working out. Best thoughts to you and your son. Beware the rebound pregnancy. I read a statistic once that teenage girls that get pregnant and don’t have the baby (due to miscarriage or abortion) are extremely likely to get pregnant again within the year. Like, something to the order of 60% of them. Scary. Did your son and his girlfriend make any plans that will now be cancelled? (Engagement, moving in together, etc.) I wonder how this will affect their relationship. How is everyone coping? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/108 "2010-10-16T14:33:02Z")
Please make sure she’s on birth control ASAP, so a rebound pregnancy does not happen! It sounds like the best outcome for everyone involved, frankly. I’m sorry your son didn’t have a good tournament, but on the bright side, he won’t have any games he’ll have to miss in the future because of a child, and he won’t have to delay or not attend college. I hope your heath hasn’t been too affected by the whole ordeal as well, and that you feel a weight’s been lifted off of your shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/109 "2010-10-16T16:28:58Z")
Sending good thoughts to all of you. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/110 "2010-10-17T02:09:30Z")
Your family is in my thoughts, **limegreen**. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/111 "2010-10-17T02:23:52Z")
Thank you for the update. I often wonder how these things turn out. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/112 "2010-10-17T02:31:14Z")
> [@limegreen](#): > > To update an old thread, my son’s girlfriend miscarried yesterday. He got the news 30 minutes before he was to play in a state tournament soccer game, so he wasn’t at his best. I cringed, not least because he recently had shared that he was having recurring nightmares where a nurse handed him the baby and it was dead. Thanks to all the Dopers who gave advice – it definitely gave me a sense of perspective when I desperately needed it. Thanks for the update. What a roller coaster ride for all of you! I hope your son and his girlfriend are okay with how things have turned out for them. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Please make sure she’s on birth control ASAP, so a rebound pregnancy does not happen! \ Never mind her, make sure he has an unlimited supply of condoms available to him. It’s cases like this where I wish they would come up with some kind of male pill. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/113 "2010-10-17T03:09:31Z")
Missed this thread on the first go-around. I’m sorry for all the turmoil you’ve been going through, **limegreen**. I’m curious how you think your son will deal with this? Do you think this whole thing will have scared him “straight?” Hopefully he’ll be very, very careful about using birth control in the future, and about who he chooses to be with, now that he’s had to stare down the reality of it all. He’s been given a second chance…something a lot of people never get. And from what you’ve told us, it’s likely it’s going to be entirely up to him to prevent a second go-around–I agree with other posters that she just might try to get pregnant again. And this might be a bit cheesy, but if there’s any way you can swing it, I’d have your son (and the girlfriend, especially, if possible) watch a few episodes of MTV’s _16 & Pregnant_. It might be a cheap reality show, but I think it does a pretty good job of showing the reality of what it’s like to be a teenage parent. The girls all have these dreams of having a family, and a perfect little home, etc. But then the boyfriends abandon or abuse them, their parents kick them out, they can only afford rent in a tiny, shabby little apartment, they have to drop out or fail out of school, they can’t go party with their friends, they miss the homecoming dance because there’s no one to watch the baby, etc. And that’s all besides the reality of dealing with a screaming, pooping, never-sleeping newborn. It’s rough, but it’s something kids need to see. And being on MTV, it’s geared right to his age. ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/114 "2010-10-17T15:20:13Z")
He hadn’t seen her since the “announcement”. She’s here just for the day today, and I would be very happy if she never showed up again. She seems very normal – not shaky or wiped out, as I would have assumed, after having miscarried Friday. Hopefully this will get him to pry off her tentacles and move on. ---
**Author:** ![ratmanizhere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b5ac83/32.png) [@ratmanizhere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratmanizhere)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/115 "2010-10-17T16:18:32Z")
> [@limegreen](#): > > He hadn’t seen her since the “announcement”. She’s here just for the day today, and I would be very happy if she never showed up again. She seems very normal – not shaky or wiped out, as I would have assumed, after having miscarried Friday. Hopefully this will get him to pry off her tentacles and move on. Please, for the love of God, don’t say such things to him! You may run a chance of turning him against you because he may feel that you can’t trust his judgement. I went thru the same thing when my wife and I were dating. She gotten pregnant while still a senior in high school. Her mother kept saying so many negative things about me that my then-girlfirend was about to move out and ignore her mother for the rest of her life. She miscarried a short time later, but her mother kept the negativity flowing. We married a few months later despite her mother begging her not to marry me. Fast forward 20+ years. Now her mother is disabled and cannot live on her own. Despite the way she treated me, I made the decision that we live with her to care for her for the remaining time that she has. Her mother has since apologized for the treatment and realized that I was not the person she thought I was all those years ago. ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/116 "2010-10-17T18:22:37Z")
Believe me, negative comments never leave my mouth in his presence. I was a stubborn teenager once myself. I just vent them here. I even made her chocolate chip waffles this morning. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/117 "2010-10-17T19:42:32Z")
First: > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > With the little information you provided (obviously from your POV), it sounds like she’s a classic case of childhood abuse victim who thinks having a kid will mean a fresh start, a little person who will finally love them unconditionally (ha). > [@astro](#): > > I will guarantee you that a 15 year old and a 17 year are absolutely going to be expecting the surrounding authority figures (ie you) to take care of the kid so they can go to school and be teenagers. If this is not going to happen you need to drill this into their heads ASAP. Just from these observations I’d say the girl would be doing a kid a **HUGE** disservice by keeping it. I don’t know that you’ll be able to get through to her, but it’s at least worth mentioning that once she’s pregnant, it’s no longer about her or what she needs, it’s about the baby and what it will need. If she can’t step up, then she needs to not have/keep a baby. And yes, they’d be expecting you to parent the child. I’ve seen this happen in my own family. It drives me nuts (the grandparent lets the parents get away with it, and said grandparent deserves better while the parents should, but won’t, get their shit together, and in the meantime the kids are stuck in the middle), but there’s nothing I can do but watch and sigh. Second: Much as it sucks, as others have observed, the miscarriage will not necessarily mean “dodged a bullet, learned our lesson.” I hope you can talk with your son about this (and that he’ll listen). Because in my own family, above, not only were they pregnant again in less than a year after the miscarriage, but they’ve got two kids now – plus two cats and a dog – while neither has ever had a stable job. They act like they feel entitled to bailouts from their families, from the government, and so never bother to learn how to be responsible for themselves (or their kids/cats/dogs/mortgage). I’d say try to gently talk to her too, but it sounds like she’s even less likely to listen. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/118 "2010-10-17T22:35:31Z")
> [@limegreen](#): > > Believe me, negative comments never leave my mouth in his presence. I was a stubborn teenager once myself. I just vent them here. I even made her chocolate chip waffles this morning. After she stayed the night? ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/119 "2010-10-18T12:45:09Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > After she stayed the night? Sinking feeling … ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2010, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846/120 "2010-10-18T13:44:50Z")
No, no, just one of those late Sunday morning breakfasts\ things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-heartbroken/552846.md?page=7)