# I am in love with a Christian. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2007, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516 "2007-02-02T07:02:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/21 "2007-02-02T16:34:46Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] Aside from the faith issues that others have mentioned, there are also the time issues. What if, for example, she were really into tennis? What if she spent a substantial amount of time each week playing tennis and coaching tennis and watching tennis on TV, while you had no interest in tennis and thought it was pretty much a waste of time. Would you be happy with a girlfriend who spent so much time doing (and hanging around with other people who were interested in) something that you had no interest in? Would you try to get her to minimize her involvement, and would there be resentment on your part if she didn’t or on her part if she did? [/QUOTE] Exactly. Even further, if she wanted to train the children to be tennis players and spent a great deal of time and money doing so? I don’t know why religion would be deal breaker in a relationship as long as the person is loving (sounds like she is), caring (if she follows Christ’s teachings, she should be), understanding (she hasn’t tried to convert you), and faithful (again, her faithfulness in her beliefs should extend to you and your family). And if she raised the children to be like her, how is that a problem? ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/22 "2007-02-02T16:36:54Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t think believing what you are brainwashed into believing from a very young age is a mark against intelligence. This is a big red flag for me. It says, to me, “Darling, I love you, but I don’t respect your intelligence, because you believe stupid shit.” For an interfaith relationship to work, I think you have to have a lot of mutual respect. “I don’t get it, and I think you’re wrong, but I respect you enough to know you must have good reasons to believe as you do.”, that’s a basis for a good relationship. “You’ve been brainwashed” doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/23 "2007-02-02T16:37:29Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] I’m curious…do her catholic friends/family consider her “catholic?” Do you? How about the church? [/QUOTE] From the description that **Diogenes** has offered here, I don’t see anything that would qualify her to be “not a Catholic.” Describes about 95% of the Catholics I know, including being very very close to describing me. The only difference between me & her based on this description, is that I would not consider myself to be “pro-choice.” On the other hand, I don’t necessarily vote “pro-life,” as Amercian Catholics are “supposed” to, and it is hard to tell from the description what “pro-choice” means in this context (to many Catholics, it’s a moral question, not a political one). Of what Diogenes says, describing her “pro-choice” is the only thing that, in its ambiguity, is hard to tell whether she has a stance that would cause trouble with the Church or not. Everything else sounds pretty standard to me…I certainly never met a Catholic who clings to creationism!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/24 "2007-02-02T16:40:52Z")
[QUOTE=Lissla Lissar] This is a big red flag for me. It says, to me, “Darling, I love you, but I don’t respect your intelligence, because you believe stupid shit.” For an interfaith relationship to work, I think you have to have a lot of mutual respect. “I don’t get it, and I think you’re wrong, but I respect you enough to know you must have good reasons to believe as you do.”, that’s a basis for a good relationship. “You’ve been brainwashed” doesn’t work. [/QUOTE] I have to agree with this, and Thudlow’s time factor, as well. If religion is such a large part of her life, and you don’t respect it, then deep down, you won’t respect her, either. And you will end up resenting the amount of time she devotes to it, eventually. It’s hard enough to have a spouse that devotes a lot of time to an interest you don’t share, but if it’s an interest that you think is a complete waste of time and not worthy of respect, it will be much harder. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/25 "2007-02-02T16:45:31Z")
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena] Everything else sounds pretty standard to me…I certainly never met a Catholic who clings to creationism!!! [/QUOTE] I agree with this part especially. I know quite a few Catholics that are quietly Pro-Life, but not one that is a creationist. The Creationist all seem to be of Protestant faiths and some few Orthodox Jews. The noisy ones in the news seem to be of Protestant faiths. The Catholic Church has its hang-ups, but Creationism does not seem to be one and the last Pope at least appeared to support the theory of evolution. [QUOTE=Kalhoun] Your marriage is a rare breed, indeed. Bravo! [/QUOTE] Wow, thanks, Jim ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/26 "2007-02-02T16:52:46Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi] Someone you respect and like should not be placed in the position to experience your eventual disdain, regardless of whether you’re talking about religion, cooking methods, or the utility of the designated hitter rule. [/QUOTE] I wanted to throw my support behind **Jodi** ’s comments. I really agree that you should just move on. My wife is agnostic/atheistic and I’m a sort of generic Christian who has given up on the ideas of organized religion because I think most of it is hypocritical. But I still believe in God and I still pray. We’ve been happily married for nearly 8 years now, and we’ve always remained respectful of each others’ beliefs and found it an interesting topic of discussion from time to time. She has – repeatedly – even offered to go to church with me, should I ever want to attend services again, just as a show of support for me. I don’t know how you can ask for more than that. But the mutual respect for each others’ beliefs is absolutely key, and I don’t get the impression that the OP is ever going to achieve that with this girl. Oh, and **Jodi**? If my wife had any disdain for my feelings about the designated hitter rule, that WOULD be a deal-breaker. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/27 "2007-02-02T16:54:58Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] I agree with this part especially. I know quite a few Catholics that are quietly Pro-Life, but not one that is a creationist. The Creationist all seem to be of Protestant faiths and some few Orthodox Jews. The noisy ones in the news seem to be of Protestant faiths. [/QUOTE] The Catholic Church, at least here in America in the 20th-21st centuries, has had a really good relationship with education and science. Some of the best high schools here in Chicago are Catholic, and while I did not go to one, the folks I know who did were certainly taught science as one might expect in a good college-prep school. The moral issues are a little different, as the Church definitely has moral opinions about homosexuality and abortion. But there is much more flexibility than people realize, in terms of using one’s own conscience and human compassion to decide what constitutes “sin.” I personally know several churchgoing, devout homosexuals who also are in long-term relationships. I would not consider those people to be any less “Catholic” than I…I just consider them to have different issues that they deal with between themselves, the Church, and God (and we all have such issues…they just differ from person to person.) ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/28 "2007-02-02T16:56:16Z")
[QUOTE=Asimovian] Oh, and **Jodi**? If my wife had any disdain for my feelings about the designated hitter rule, that WOULD be a deal-breaker. 🙂 [/QUOTE] I really think it’s better not to mix AL fans and NL fans in the same household…that can only lead to trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/29 "2007-02-02T17:01:16Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] You don’t. You already used the word ‘disdain’ in connection with the situation. . [/QUOTE] I did? Where? ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/30 "2007-02-02T17:02:21Z")
[QUOTE=Quiddity Glomfuster] Leave her alone. You already believe something false; that people who are religious haven’t sufficient intelligence to choose religion and apprehend it intellectually. This does not equate with thinking they are smart. [/QUOTE] You are putting a lot of words in my mouth there, project much? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/31 "2007-02-02T17:03:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena] I really think it’s better not to mix AL fans and NL fans in the same household…that can only lead to trouble. [/QUOTE] I don’t know, I am a fervent Yankee fan, I would not miss the DH one bit. For me a girl being a Red Sox fan would have been the deal breaker. 😉 My wife has been kind enough to lightly convert to Yankeeism for my sake. She was a non-fan. She draws the line at football though. She retains no interest at all. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/32 "2007-02-02T17:03:59Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] I’m curious…do her catholic friends/family consider her “catholic?” Do you? How about the church? [/QUOTE] None of them have ever disputed it. She goes to mass. She baptized our kids. Our oldest goes to a Catholic school. I guess that’s Catholic enough for her family (baptizing the kids seemed to please her folks). As for the Church, it’s not like she discusses her political views with the priests or anything but she wouldn’t be that unusual for a lay Catholic. I should clarify that when I say she’s “pro-choice,” I’m talking about how she feels about it _legally_, not necessarily morally. She thinks it should be legal but says it’s nothing she could ever do herself and I do think she sees it as taking a life. I think it’s a question of her not wanting to impose a moral/religious belief on others. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/33 "2007-02-02T17:08:07Z")
[QUOTE=Lissla Lissar] This is a big red flag for me. It says, to me, “Darling, I love you, but I don’t respect your intelligence, because you believe stupid shit.” For an interfaith relationship to work, I think you have to have a lot of mutual respect. “I don’t get it, and I think you’re wrong, but I respect you enough to know you must have good reasons to believe as you do.”, that’s a basis for a good relationship. “You’ve been brainwashed” doesn’t work. [/QUOTE] Well, you are projecting something onto my feelings, something I didn’t say. People all believe stupid stuff, even myself. So what? You can’t respect me because I don’t believe everything you believe? How pathetic. I pretty much have already said “I don’t get it, but I respect you.” She doesn’t believe in evolution, which is a fact, thinking she is brainwashed into not believing it isn’t saying she is stupid, and I CAN and DO have respect for her in every other way. I have already said I respect her, whether you believe me or not is not my concern. Our relationship has lasted a year now, and I love her and will likely marry her. So you projecting your vomit all over this thread doesn’t mean jack. Go away. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/34 "2007-02-02T17:09:32Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] I don’t know, I am a fervent Yankee fan, I would not miss the DH one bit. For me a girl being a Red Sox fan would have been the deal breaker. 😉 My wife has been kind enough to lightly convert to Yankeeism for my sake. She was a non-fan. She draws the line at football though. She retains no interest at all. Jim [/QUOTE] Ha ha ha…good for you on the DH rule. My husband had definite requirements for a wife…she had to be 1) General Chicago sports fan…but NOT the White Sox (immediate deal breaker). 2) Illinios grad/fan preferable. NOT a Michigan grad/fan (immediate deal breaker). 3) Oh, yeah, being Catholic would be good, too, if possible…he could work around that, if necessary. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/35 "2007-02-02T17:12:16Z")
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena] Ha ha ha…good for you on the DH rule. My husband had definite requirements for a wife…she had to be 1) General Chicago sports fan…but NOT the White Sox (immediate deal breaker). 2) Illinios grad/fan preferable. NOT a Michigan grad/fan (immediate deal breaker). 3) Oh, yeah, being Catholic would be good, too, if possible…he could work around that, if necessary. 😉 [/QUOTE] My wife could care less about baseball, but she tolerates my love for it and will even attend a game with me on my birthday. Plus, she finds the sound of Vin Scully’s voice soothing. Again, this is all I can ask. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/36 "2007-02-02T17:15:05Z")
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena] I have to agree with this, and Thudlow’s time factor, as well. If religion is such a large part of her life, and you don’t respect it, then deep down, you won’t respect her, either. And you will end up resenting the amount of time she devotes to it, eventually. It’s hard enough to have a spouse that devotes a lot of time to an interest you don’t share, but if it’s an interest that you think is a complete waste of time and not worthy of respect, it will be much harder. [/QUOTE] Well, religion isn’t a HUGE part of her life. We rarely go to church. Even if she drags me there, I don’t resent it. My parents have identical beliefs as her, yet I still love them and go to church with them on the weekends I go visit. My girlfriend also knits, which I don’t do, or have any real feelings for either way, but I don’t “respect” knitting, does that mean I can’t love her? I think it is a waste of time, sure. I think believing things that go against facts is silly. But I love her and respect her, and you coming in here and saying I don’t have it borders on insulting. No, it doesn’t border, it goes right over the edge. Funny, lets see, we’ve been together for nearly a year now and we rarely fight. But some jerks on the inernet think I don’t respect or love her, lets see, what should I go with? Uh, not the jerks on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/37 "2007-02-02T17:18:05Z")
Just to add on to the RCC/evolution discussion. Evolution is not an issue for the Catholic Church. While the Church doesn’t have an official position on what is true, it does say that evolution at least does not _conflict_ with Catholic doctrine and you’re not committing any heresy if you believe it. The only thing you’re _not_ supposed to dispute is that God creates human souls (and the universe too, of course). ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/38 "2007-02-02T17:19:10Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I should clarify that when I say she’s “pro-choice,” I’m talking about how she feels about it _legally_, not necessarily morally. She thinks it should be legal but says it’s nothing she could ever do herself and I do think she sees it as taking a life. I think it’s a question of her not wanting to impose a moral/religious belief on others. [/QUOTE] Wow, I would like your wife, that is my view on it. It is not a choice I would want to make, but I will not try to impose by beliefs on others. Thankfully, my wife has a very similar opinion. **Epimetheus** : I agree with you. **Lissla Lissar** seems to have the problem and hang-up not you. Since when have couples agreed on everything? My wife and I do not even vote the same way all the time. What we do, do is consult each other to help push a decision where we are up in the air. I tend to do more research on the state and national level and she does a lot more on the local issues. We often take each other’s advice. She thinks I am crazy for still playing a little D&D and how much I care about baseball and I think she is a little crazy for getting caught up American Idol and CSI shows. **Asimovian** : My wife has taken on my love and respect for Yogi, this is similar to your wife’s liking Vin. The important things in life. She also asked during a playoff game once, completely unsolicited, how we could all stand listening to the moron on Fox. McCarver was talking. We all broke up laughing as we all think he is the worst. Well **Frosted Glass** , I don’t know if this is helping you, but thank you for starting this slightly crazy thread. Good Luck, Jim ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/39 "2007-02-02T17:23:44Z")
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena] My husband had definite requirements for a wife…she had to be 1) General Chicago sports fan…but NOT the White Sox (immediate deal breaker). [/QUOTE] I never thought I’d say it, **Sarafeena** , but I believe we’ve come to common ground regarding religion! ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516/40 "2007-02-02T17:23:52Z")
I also agree with **Jodi** , who has said it most succinctly. If you can’t respect her, don’t even try to date her. You don’t seem to know what sort of Christian she is, you don’t know anything about her opinions on hot-button topics that have been discussed here, and yet you already have disdain for her beliefs. It seems that you disdain the entire concept of belief in God, which is not a good foundation upon which to begin a relationship with a person who does believe in God. In college, I had a long relationship with a nice guy who was an atheist (and Jewish). We had fun arguing religion for a while, but after some time, it became clear that he did not respect my beliefs–and though he loved me, and wanted to be with me, deep down he did not respect me and thought I was stupid because of my beliefs. The attraction and fun and so on covered that up for a long time, but eventually it helped to end the relationship. Interfaith marriages do work, but I think it’s a big hurdle, and for some people, one that they aren’t willing to take on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-in-love-with-a-christian/390516.md?page=3)