# I am not a carpenter aunt. (MMP) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [June 2, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105 "2003-06-02T12:00:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/21 "2003-06-02T23:49:07Z")
Speaking of not-being-missedeness, here I’ve been gone for, oh, just ages (or a couple of weeks-I’m bad with figures) and did anyone notice I was gone? I think not. Which actually makes these posts easier to write you know. I don’t know too much about drywall but I do have carpenter ants in the kitchen if that counts. I know about holes in drywall though. In fact, if there was a most-holes-drilled-in-drywall-with-no-appreciable-results award, it’d be mine baby. I wreaked no such destruction this weekend however because I went with various relatives to a lovely tea at an historic old inn. We had little tea sandwiches and little tea cookies. And tea too. But not for two-for five. At one. Very nice. We also saw some pretty ducks in assorted sizes. One of them was a mama, apparently-I didn’t actually check-could have been a daddy, with two little babies. Or midget ducks. Real cute anyway. [sup]It’s hypens today- - - - - - - - - - - - - [/sup] ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/22 "2003-06-03T00:10:54Z")
Maybe I should get drunk and paint my bathroom this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/23 "2003-06-03T11:55:04Z")
First of all: **Fairy Chat Mom** , I had no idea. I was spending so much time getting myself into the **Rue** frame of mind (and drinking) that I didn’t check the boards. I am a bad man. I will staple a match to my forehead and light it to show how unworthy I truly am. In the future, though, I think we should leave my panties out of this. I certainly left them at home today. 😃 And I thank you for bearing up under my not-perfectly-Jake **Rue** post. It’s advice like this that will allow me to perfect my **Rue** mimicking abilities in the future. I do hope it provided a minor **Rue** -Fix though. Secondly: Yes, the pipe leaked, but it was a small, small leak that was found almost immediately, so no real damage was done. I meant to elaborate, but something told me (probably the hangover) that indicating that the pipe could have been leak-free for years without my help would paint the appropriate picture. The details were truly unimportant, small puddle, angry **Scooter** , that’s about it. That’s what I get for listening to the hangovers. In the future, I’ll just listen to the beer. Thirdly: **Lissla** and **Ellen** , my gorgeous little peach and Cherry pies (respectively), it’s not that I forgot you, I just couldn’t figure out anyway to work my sordid fantasies into the OP. Fourth: **Swampy** , got an address for that school? I’d really love to know how to do actual carpentry work when sober. If I could do it buzzed, that would be a plus! Hope your tree guy shows. That slacker. Then again, what do you expect from a carpentry school dropout? And last but not least, E: **Shibb** , you assign letters to your offspring and have the nerve to criticize me? The only thing saving you from a severe nasty-gram is the use of googaws in a sentence. Don’t forget to put hurricane straps on the trusses of the birdhouse. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/24 "2003-06-03T11:59:38Z")
Well, **welby** , they’re not so much letters as abbreviations. We also sometimes refer to them by adjectives, such as “the petulant one”, when we want to talk about them but don’t want them to know who we are talking about. And I think we forgot to use trusses on the bird houses. Finally, since you were drinking can I expect another installment of the Place soon? As much as I like you as a pseudorue, I do prefer your natural voice, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/25 "2003-06-03T12:00:40Z")
-welby (who forgot to sign his name like **Rue** does) ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/26 "2003-06-03T12:34:33Z")
It’s too early. It’s 8:30. Must…get…tea… And there are surly construction workers wandering around our apartment building, pretending to fix things. I could snag you one, **welby** , but I’m not sure that they’re actually useful. Probably not, in fact. Query: About three weeks ago, I forgot my keycard when I left in the morning. I has my apratment keys, but not the little plastic card that lets me get into the building lobby. I was very upset about several things that morning, and forgot it. When I got back from work at 2:300 p. m., I waited outside the lobby for a few minutes, then decided to buzz the superintendent. He came down, lectured me about forgetting my keycard, and then told me it was **company policy** to charge $20 for every time he opened the door for someone!!! He said he’d let me off this time, because I didn’t know, but to be careful in future. We phoned the building manager to inquire why the hell they were charging for door-opening, left a message, and got a weird message the next day telling us that if we lost our keycards we could buy new ones, and that the superindendent was within his rights to charge us if we were always buzzing him at midnight to let us in. :rolleyes: Item: neither the super nor the building manager seem to speak English. So we’ve had a few more weird messages a while ago, but we haven’t heard from them in weeks. They haven’t put up notices informing people about the charge. We think the super is trying to make money out of forgetful residents, and that he lied about the “company policy” bit. The question: what the heck is going on, and is it legal for him to extort money from apartment residents for un-previously-declared “charges”? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/27 "2003-06-03T13:47:52Z")
\*\* dwyr\*\* I know where you went for tea! 🙂 I’ve got insider knowledge of all movements \*\* dwyr\*\*, because for Those Of You Not In the Know, she and I are inhabitants of the same city! **Swampbear / Angel Pants** I’m in a small fit of concern over your tree removal/building installation woes. It’s raining cats and dogs here and I hope it isn’t there, so that the various Guys coming to your home and sweating can do their jobs in an efficient manner. ::sipping a pina colada in anticipation of the pool:: \*\*Princess Lissla \*\* I don’t know the answer to your question, not being a great legal mind (where is **Zappo** when you need him!?) but I share in your fury. Grrr. Hisss. **welby** , just to know I’m a Lust Object makes it easier to face the day. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/28 "2003-06-03T14:10:54Z")
**Ellen Cherry** it is indeed raining here this very minute. In town, where I am, at work, that is. Apparently it is not raining at my house, in the country, not in town, and where I am not right now, according to my neighbor. Tree guys are hard at work. Storage building guy is not coming today, cause of the rain and all. It was already raining where he was and since we knew it was coming here, we decided it best that he didn’t come. I don’t want a big ol’ truck bogged down in my backyard. That would not be attractive. Even if I put lit up pink flamingoes dressed in seasonal clothing all around it, it would not be attractive. Course, it’s supposed to rain the rest of today ( it will eventually at my house cause it ain’t all that far from town, where I am and where it’s raining right now) and tomorrow. So, I guess tree guys (there’s more than one out there) probably won’t get finished today and will have to come back Thursday, when it’s not supposed to be raining. So, I guess that means storage building guy won’t get here any earlier than Friday. Of course, that means that pool guy can’t get started digging a big hole in my backyard til sometime next week. He’s already to get started whenever he can, btw. I haven’t talked with fence lady yet about a time to come do the privacy fence, cause, well, that’s at least a couple weeks away, as I see it. She knows pool guy has to do his thing before she can come do her fence thing, so she’s all jake with it. It’s a lot of work juggling around all these people in my life right now. Tree guy, storage building guy, pool guy and fence lady and I are all involved in each other’s lives right now. Kinda like a soap opera. One that needs a title. Oh! Pool guy says my liner has been delivered! -swampbear living a life of drama, intrigue and lots of rain right now! ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/29 "2003-06-03T14:47:12Z")
Another latecomer, here. I usually prefer to read MMPs on Monday, because they make the start of the work week that much easier to bear, but, alas, I was away yesterday, so for MY purposes (and the world really does revolve around me, in case you were wondering) this is a **T** MP. But I would like to congratulate our intrepid OP on a very nice, and very **Rue** like post. Also, he gets bonus points for having a brother called Scooter, even if that was not immediately apparent. Personally, I do not have a brother called Scooter, but that is because I do not have a brother of any kind. I dare say that if I had a brother, I would do my very best to make sure he was called Scooter. I do have numerous sisters, but none of them is called Scooter, either. Perhaps I should look into that. Is Scooter a gender-specific name, or is it one of thos androgynous ones, like “Jordan,” or “Dale,” or “Stanley”? (I know Stanley isn’t really androgynous, but I really feel that it ought to be.) Love, Kn\*ckers ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/30 "2003-06-03T15:07:48Z")
I have a brother named Larry. His nickname was “Moose” (not related to FairyChatMoose) - it was, to my mind, an inappropriate nickname, as my brother is not moose-like. Usually one associates such a nickname with a big football-player type, and my bro is about 5’10" and he’s a CPA. Anyway, the nickname went by the way in middle school, or maybe high school. I don’t know - I’d left home by then. My daughter’s nickname used to be “Squid” - it had something to do with her obsession with Jerry, the giant squid manifestaton in _Sphere_. In fact, for a while there, she was Jerah Squid - sort of a conglomeration of her name and the weird nick. For a while, my nickname was “Fred” for reasons I don’t feel like spelling out here, although I think I have in past threads. I have a mug at home from Disneyland that says “Fred” on it. Ah, memories… No offense, **welby** , for although you’ve done an admirable job with this post, I miss **Rue**. I have a mental image of him stumbling thru his new house, tripping over boxes, a glazed look in his eyes as he tries to remember where he packed his computer. Soupo and Katcha are dirty and half-dressed and hungry, and **Rue** is weeping silently. The dogs are cowering in a corner, all confused. The Little Woman runs out of the house every morning, thankful that all she has to deal with are the idiots in the office. And **Exgineer** is confused because he was nice to you. That’s the way I see it. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/31 "2003-06-03T15:35:02Z")
I think **Exgineer** is just plain confused. I don’t take offense, **FCM** , I miss him too. I’m sure he’s going through the standard hell that accompanies any and all moves from house to house, heh heh. Do you really think **Rue** would let **Soupo** and **Katcha** get all dirty? I mean, I’m sure he’s got a hose or something. And he wouldn’t let them go hungry. At the very least he’d toss some rip bread thier way. I do take offense that you think he’s looking for his computer in what amounts to a near-panic. I think he’s calm and collected, computer-wise, because he knows that his MMP is in good hands. Either that or the Valium has kicked in. Talk to you later **Fred**. Hiya **Kn(late as hell)ckers**! -welby (lusty and yet refined) ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/32 "2003-06-03T16:08:55Z")
Hiya back, **Wel(asterisk-less, but always punctual)by**. **FCM** : That’s one sad scenario, what with the cowering, and the silent weeping, and the half-dressed chillern and all. Very sad, indeed. I hope things in Chez **Rue** are not so bleak as that. At least there are boxes. I can’t imagine anything more difficult than moving _sans_ boxes. Everyone would just have to staty put! Gracious. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/33 "2003-06-03T16:11:52Z")
staty is a new word I’ve been working on. It means the same as “stay,” but it has more T’s. I hope you enjoyed it. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/34 "2003-06-03T16:25:57Z")
OK, I confess, in my mental scenario, it’s actually **Rue** who’s half dressed. Oddly enough, tho, it’s his left half that’s dressed. And **welby** , I’m sure he’s not worried about his MMP. Actually, he’s going thru FCM e-mail withdrawal. Yes, it’s true. I can’t afford therapy, so I write to him every morning to tell him about my dreams. So the truth comes out - he’s not the clever writer you all think he is. In fact, he takes my dreams, tweeks them to suit himself, then turns them into his wonderful threads. So I guess we’re codependent. It’s a deeply twisted and macabre relationship we share. And that’s not even getting into the part about the feathers and the yo-yos. I’m so ashamed. Here you’re all thinking he and I have a wholesome friendship and now the sordid truth is out. It’s not true that I had him kidnapped and brought to Florida to be my love slave. Lies, I tell you, all lies! Um, just kidding… ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/35 "2003-06-03T16:39:45Z")
Fine, then. Just fine. I was going to turn over a new leaf with this **welby** character, and try to be supportive of his substitute **Rue** ing. He just had to make that “confused” crack, though, so I won’t. For the record, I am rarely, if ever, confused. I am occasionally befuddled, and I may have been bewildered once, but not confused. Sorry to hear about the tree/shed/pool problems, **Angel Pants**. I’m really looking forward to the pool party. I really hope everything is going okay for **Rue**. Moving is always a pain, and I imagine that moving with two small children must be torture. I mean really, it probably took them all afternoon to shift that sofa, the little slackers. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/36 "2003-06-03T17:06:25Z")
Now moving with munchkins is interesting (We did it with one munchkin just over a year ago) But hardly impossible 🙂 I’m thinking this whole moving thing is being used as a cover for the Emergency Ruecast System. If this had been a real emergency and Welby had to become Rue permanently… well lets just not think about that! But I do wonder if Rue isn’t lurking away and giggling at everyone’s valiant attempts to carry on without him? I mean, in our old house hubby checked his email and stuff and undid the computers about half an hour before the movers arrived… and when we were in the new place later that same day… well he had the laptop dialed into his work to check mail and stuff. We had the whole lan up and running again the next day! In all our moves the computers are always last packed and first unpacked! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/37 "2003-06-03T17:08:10Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Ellen Cherry \* > \*\*\*\* dwyr_\* I know where you went for tea! 🙂 I’ve got insider knowledge of all movements \*\* dwyr\*\*, because for Those Of You Not In the Know, she and I are inhabitants of the same city! > \*\* What’s odd to me is how you could, out of the literally thousands of places for high tea in your town, divine which was the one that **dwyr** attended. Can you also help us with the stock market and who will win the Belmont Stakes? ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/38 "2003-06-03T17:24:24Z")
Mwhahahaha. You underestimate my knowledge of All Things Kentucky, dear **Shibb**. The clues were in **dwyr** ’s post, for those like me who are In the Know. The breadth of my Bluegrass lore, however, doesn’t much extend to trackside prognostication. If Funny Cide does win the Belmont, I can tell you there will be great joy in the sport of kings, being as the last Triple Crown winner was Affirmed in 1978. And no gelding has EVER won the Triple Crown! ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/39 "2003-06-03T23:45:14Z")
🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/40 "2003-06-03T23:47:34Z")
See, the problem with this here thread is that there haven’t been any hijacks. Not viable ones, anyway, and viable hijacks are what make MMP threads. Let’s see… Hmmm… **Lissla** misses the flirting, but that went bad the last time. Mostly because certain posters all right, it was me and **welby** got a little heavy-handed with it. But **Rue** started it, outright claiming **Princess Lissla** and all, so I figured it was jake. I guess I was wrong. We could talk about our dreams. Only if they’re about **Rue** , apparently, and that raises problems for me. I don’t dream about **Rue**. I dream about the poster who brought up the whole dreaming-about- **Rue** subject, but that’s not a proper topic for a family-safe message board. Plus, I don’t talk dirty in real life, so why should I do it here? Moving with Munchkins: **Tanookie** pretty much killed that. The ERS thing has possibilities, but somebody else already did it in that “Notification of Doper Death” thread, and I don’t have anything, anyway. We could discuss (again) how hot (in no particular order) **dwyr** , **Lissla** , **Wintermute** , and **Kn\*ckers** are, but it’s been done before, and can only lead to tears. Frankly, I’m at a loss here. I guess we’re back to making fun of **welby**. Farkin’ vB code. My fingers hurt. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105.md?page=3)