# I am not a carpenter aunt. (MMP) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [June 2, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105 "2003-06-02T12:00:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/161 "2003-06-10T23:02:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by \*\*Wintermute \*\*: > > Not that I’m really into spankings. You can tie me down, though, I don’t mind that at all. 😃 I don’t think you fully realize what you’ve done here. That was tantamount to a proposal of marriage. It got me all excited, too. Get over here and HEEL, you naughty girl. > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **sleazy** : > > Well Exgineer, take two parts sexy, add an excellent sense of humor, lots of good looks, one stunning personality, a liberal dash of intelligence and stamina, bake between the sheets for a few months with a stunning woman, and there you have it: A married welby! This is obviously a wild fabrication. I suspect that **Winturmute** divined the real story. You got her drunk and then blackmailed her with the (salacious) videotape. Didn’t you? Admit it, you swine. Or maybe you bought her in a Bangkok flea-market. I would’nt put anything past you. On second thought, **Wintermute** , since you actually seem to be _considering_ **sleazy** ’s indecent proposal, the wedding’s off. > [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Angel Pants** : > > Or, strip down oil up and wrestle each other. The floor show costs extra, big boy. What in heck happened to **Rue** ’s thread, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![dwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwyr/32/363_2.png) [@dwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/162 "2003-06-10T23:48:18Z")
It appears to have sunk to the bottom of page 2. Has Rue been supplanted by the Great welby? Or is it just because I posted to it late last night? Hmmm. Let’s see what happens to this one now. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/163 "2003-06-11T12:17:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dwyr \* > **Has Rue been supplanted by the Great welby?** Bad **dwyr**!!! NO!!! Bite your tongue there sugar lips. No one can supplant **Rue**. It’s just that no one has managed to hijack his thread. Yet. 😃 > [@](#): > > _Orginally posted by **Jealous Because I’m Cuter Than Him Exgineer** _ > > This is obviously a wild fabrication. I suspect that Winturmute divined the real story. You got her drunk and then blackmailed her with the (salacious) videotape. Didn’t you? Admit it, you swine. Or maybe you bought her in a Bangkok flea-market. I would’nt put anything past you. Psh. I haven’t had to get a woman drunk to sleep with me for weeks. I might also point out that **Wintermute** , my Official SDMB Mistress [sup]TM[/sup] has mentioned the most important thing in dealing with any beautiful woman: Treat them with respect. Of course, a neanderthal freak like you wouldn’t understand that. I can offer up some lessons for you if you want. See below. **Wintermute** , you sexy girl, my favorite color is the color of your eyes, for I could get lost in them and be content forever. I’ve got no preference for condom flavor, though, since I’ve never actually had a condom (filled or otherwise) in my mouth, so pick your favorite and we’ll go with that. Think you could swing by the store and pick us up some toys to play with? Get something I can tie you up with, too. It’s so much easier to have the pre-made stuff than to make your own. 🙂 Until tonight, O light of heaven. -welby ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/164 "2003-06-11T13:00:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Iriginally posted by **dwyr** > > Has Rue been supplanted by the Great welby? There can be only one. I think **welby** will be gettin’ hisself decapitated any minute now. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/165 "2003-06-11T13:34:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*Bad **dwyr**!!! NO!!! Bite your tongue there sugar lips. No one can supplant **Rue**. It’s just that no one has managed to hijack his thread. Yet. 😃 > > Psh. I haven’t had to get a woman drunk to sleep with me for weeks. I might also point out that **Wintermute** , my Official SDMB Mistress [sup]TM[/sup] has mentioned the most important thing in dealing with any beautiful woman: Treat them with respect. Of course, a neanderthal freak like you wouldn’t understand that. I can offer up some lessons for you if you want. See below. > > **Wintermute** , you sexy girl, my favorite color is the color of your eyes, for I could get lost in them and be content forever. I’ve got no preference for condom flavor, though, since I’ve never actually had a condom (filled or otherwise) in my mouth, so pick your favorite and we’ll go with that. Think you could swing by the store and pick us up some toys to play with? Get something I can tie you up with, too. It’s so much easier to have the pre-made stuff than to make your own. 🙂 Until tonight, O light of heaven. > > -welby \*\* I meant for the body oils, silly. 😉 I picked up all _sorts_ of fun stuff! Do you like games? Oh, and you don’t mind if I invite a girlfriend or two to come play with us, do you? Which do you prefer, blonde, brunette or one of each? In the meantime (since you seem to like overheated prose), my diaphanous gown barely contains my lush bosom, heaving with anticipation of your touch. My breath catches in my throat. Oh, my beloved, when will you arrive to catch me in your manly arms and sweep me away to rapture? ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/166 "2003-06-11T13:43:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Exgineer \* > **I don’t think you fully realize what you’ve done here. That was tantamount to a proposal of marriage. It got me all excited, too. Get over here and HEEL, you naughty girl.** Yes, SIR! ::scurries over to **Exgineer’s** left heel:: Listen, I have a proposition for you; since **Welby’s** married, he can only see me weekday afternoons or the occasional late evening. That leaves my weekends wide open. [montypython]Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know’t I mean?[/montypython] Whee, I just moved past flirt and become a slut! 😃 The _Sex and the City_ girls ain’t got nothin’ on me! (_sniff_ Mother will be so proud!) ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/167 "2003-06-11T13:45:43Z")
Hey now, I may be two woman man **Wintermute** , I I don’t take kindly to my women seeing other men. Especially one like **Exgineer**. He’s got no style, he’s got no grace. Besides, he’s a pool boy on the weekends. Plus, I can always fool the wife witht he old “I’ve got to work this weekend” ploy. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/168 "2003-06-11T14:34:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*Hey now, I may be two woman man **Wintermute** , I I don’t take kindly to my women seeing other men. Especially one like **Exgineer**. He’s got no style, he’s got no grace. Besides, he’s a pool boy on the weekends. > > Plus, I can always fool the wife witht he old “I’ve got to work this weekend” ploy. \*\* Oh, er, you weren’t supposed to see that. No! No, I mean, what other man, **Welby**? How could there be any other man but you? Mmmm, pool boys. Yum. Slightly embarassing story; I used to work as an au pair at a very large house that had a pool. One day, I was doing something in the kitchen, which overlooked the pool. I noticed a young man out there cleaning it, wearing cut offs and a hat and not much else. Well, let me tell you, the view had all my hormones doing a happy little dance, so I watched him for a while. Then I remembered a question I was supposed to ask the pool guys (Honest! I wasn’t looking for a reason to talk to him!), so I nonchalantly went strolling out to chat with him for a moment. While talking to him, I realized the hat he was wearing said, “Class of XX (I don’t remember)”, which meant he was 17 or 18 and made me old enough to be his mother (if I started young). What a buzzkill. Harshed my mellow pretty effectively. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/169 "2003-06-11T15:43:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > **Hey now, I may be two woman man Wintermute, I I don’t take kindly to my women seeing other men.** I had to come back, because I was thinking about this. What? What is this attitude? I just don’t understand this. And it’s not just you, **Welby** , I don’t understand it from anybody. I say, what’s sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose. I haven’t signed any exclusivity contracts recently. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/170 "2003-06-11T15:54:54Z")
So what you’re telling me is that when **Ex** tells you to heel like a dog that’s cool but when I lay down the law there’s some kind of problem? Psh. Somebody needs a spanking, and it isn’t me. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/171 "2003-06-11T16:26:12Z")
**Welby** , after having you, there could be no other. If ever something came between us, and I could see you no more, I would hie me to a convent (and I’m not even Catholic!) and spend the rest of my years chastely pining over you until eventually I died of Love. I would draw and paint your image obsessively and write volumes of odes to that mole you have. You know the one. Very romantic, don’t you think? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/172 "2003-06-12T11:25:29Z")
Ya see? Break out the spankings and suddenly she’s back under control. 😉 Don’t fret, my darling **Wintermute** , one day **Welbywife** will wise up and dump me, then I’m all yours. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/173 "2003-06-12T17:06:20Z")
Bump. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/174 "2003-06-12T18:34:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby \* > \*\*Ya see? Break out the spankings and suddenly she’s back under control. 😉 > > Don’t fret, my darling **Wintermute** , one day **Welbywife** will wise up and dump me, then I’m all yours. \*\* See, now, if I were the obsessive, stalker type, I might take the above statement as ecouragement to “help” **Welbywife** come to her senses and dump your butt. But, lucky for you, I’m not and she’s perfectly safe. …but, umm…just for curiosity’s sake, you don’t have a home security system or anything, right? No large dogs? No real reason for asking, I’m just…curious…(yeah, that’s the ticket!) 😉 (I saw this this morning, but work is nuts, and the servers are sooo slooowww from the virus. I promise to come back later [my boss is leaving at 4:00 EDT] and play with you, okay?) ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/175 "2003-06-12T20:16:05Z")
:::arrives, breathless::: Ok, I’m back. Um, hello? ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/176 "2003-06-13T00:14:42Z")
Oh _there_ you are. I was getting worried. As for the questions. . .we’re not very security concious and uh…wait, I mean _yeah_! We’ve got 5 huge dobermans and a very expensive alarm system and armed guards and stuff and we don’t leave the key under the fake rock in the garden by the back door 3’2" away from the flamingo. ---
**Author:** ![earthpuppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@earthpuppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/earthpuppy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105/177 "2003-06-13T00:19:38Z")
You two need to get a room! _sheesh_!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-carpenter-aunt-mmp/179105.md?page=8)