# I am NOT a child molester! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 29, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367 "2002-05-29T16:02:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/41 "2002-05-30T12:23:00Z")
You mean he should bite them? Hmmm. Not sure I can back you up on that. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/42 "2002-05-30T12:24:25Z")
ignore post, was meant to go after earlier post ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/43 "2002-05-30T12:27:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anahita \* > \*\*I don’t find that funny at all. \*\* So? ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/44 "2002-05-30T12:36:21Z")
So she didn’t appreciate it. She can make that known if she wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/45 "2002-05-30T13:47:36Z")
I can point out that probably most people don’t care if he or she finds something unfunny. ---
**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/46 "2002-05-30T14:00:23Z")
Actually, **Revtim** , if you look at the sequence of the posts, you’ll see I was saying that **Steve Wright’s** post _was_ funny, but this one was not. Get it? A is funny, B is not. Just my own little opinion. It’s so fun when someone pays that much attention to me. I love it! Thanks for noticing what I do and don’t like!! ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/47 "2002-05-30T14:09:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*I can point out that probably most people don’t care if he or she finds something unfunny. \*\* And I can point out that even _more_ people don’t care whether or not you care. Isn’t this fun? ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/48 "2002-05-30T14:21:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Incubus \* > What do they say about the single _female_ professionals that move into the suburbs? She’s either a lesbian or a whore. Probably both. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/49 "2002-05-30T14:27:00Z")
The only thought I have had while reading this thread is that there are surely a lot of housewives int he neighborhood that get a little bit lonely when the husband is at work or on a business trip. Seems to me that the perfect solution is to become the neighborhood’s lonely housewife gigolo (now with optional daughter pleasing capabilities). ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/50 "2002-05-30T15:24:06Z")
> [@](#): > > **December:** Man comes home and finds his girlfriend packing. “I’m leaving you,” she says. “I just found out you’re a pedaphile.” > > “Pedaphile?” he replies. “That’s a mighty big word for an eight-year old.” > > **Spritle:** {snip}Psssst, december, it’s “pedophile”. No, you missed **December** ’s point. She was upset by his tendency to keep sucking her toes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/51 "2002-05-30T18:59:38Z")
(long venting coming) You know, I’m disappointed and a little mad about some of the responses here. The man came in and spoke his mind because he feels a little like a pariah since he’s single and lives in suburbia with his own house, and we have comparisons to bestiality and mass murder. I know exactly how he feels, because I’m there myself. I have a brief respite, because I did just have a relationship for almost a year, but I was in my home 6 years before it started, and I’m there now after it ended. [sub] it only cost me a few grand, a lot of self respect, and my best friend. cheap [/sub]. So now we’re serial murderers, outcasts from \* Mockingbird \*, freaks, and pedophiles. Nice. A stray joke or two is one thing, but there are a lot. When we’re alone “involuntarily” we don’t ask ourselves what’s wrong with us enough? (at least some of us do). I only met him once, but \*\*Elmwood \*\* semed nice enough. \*\*Javaman \*\* is right, our sexuality is questioned. Yes, \*\* Guin \*\*, I have been asked to my face by an acquiantance (who I thought was a friend), “You know, we never see you coming around with any girls, are you, uh…”. “No, Pete, I’m not gay. [sub] I just can’t get a date.[/sub]” Yeah, that feels good. "No, buddy, I like the right people. They just all dislike me. " Feels real good when a year you DO get a date is a good year. And that ISN’T an exaggeration. \*\* Dwyr \*\*, i don’t know how the female analogue feels. I don’t think I can try it without a lot of surgery, tho… I imagine it doesn’t feel good. (my obigatory joke) \*\* Incubus\*\*, I’m well on my way to that cranky old guy at the end of the block. I’m the kind that’ll be found a week after he has a heart attack when the house starts to smell. \*\* Sue\*\*, if I had the guts to go up to my neighbors and ask for intros, I might be able to meet them on my own. I don’t have the guts. I’m not a helluva lot better talking to guys and married women. \*\*Twisty, \*\* I’m just not that outgoing, and could never deal with that many strangers. I even skip some of the Dopefest gatherings because of this. No BBQ. **Andy** , 2 60-ish women live at the next corner. They say they are sisters. The neighborhood gossips say they’re lesbians. (I don’t give a shit. they don’t bother me) (irionically \*\* Andy\*\* answers this - **Andygirl** , of course, being one of our more prominent lesbians - and a nice person.) and no, \*\* Mully\*\*, I’d rather be alone than share a woman. I don’t do that. If she’s sleeping with someone else, I don’t sleep with her. Little rule I have. She doesn’t have to marry me, but I have to be #1, not the other one. To those neighbors who look funny at us, we don’t ask you like us. Just treat me like you would a married guy who lived there. Some do. Some do say hello. Some say hello to nobody. Fine. Just treat me like everyone else. Thanks for listening. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/52 "2002-05-30T19:53:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \* > \*\* “No, Pete, I’m not gay. [sub] I just can’t get a date.[/sub]” Yeah, that feels good. "No, buddy, I like the right people. They just all dislike me. " \*\* In retrospect, the way I phrased this could be read as I was saying being gay was intrinsically worse than being straight. That is not my feeling (though it might or might not have been his). If I offended anyone by this, I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367/53 "2002-05-30T21:54:22Z")
You lucky bastard! I have kind of an opposit problem. My wife and I are “the cool neighbors” and have the damn kids always coming over to “see the animals” (and they ALWAYS bring their f\*&ing dogs over and scare the S%t out of the livestock!) and asking if they can “do some work for extra money”. If it weren’t in such bad taste and potentially huge to backfire, I wouldn’t mind a rumor going round about being the guy responsible for launching 1000 milk cartons. the only benefit is MY house don’t get egged on Halloween! 😃 * * * “Get that damn dog outta’ my yard”- Gatopescado, daily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-child-molester/111367.md?page=2)