# I am not a monster, dammit!!!!!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115 "2010-02-08T05:42:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/21 "2010-02-08T07:20:39Z")
Pduol, Dan Savage’s column this week includes a letter from a pedophile who has no intention of acting on it and was just looking for advice and help. > **[The Stranger: Seattle's Only Newspaper](https://www.thestranger.com/)** > > The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper: Covering Seattle news, politics, music, film, and arts; plus movie times, club calendars, restaurant listings, forums, blogs, and Savage Love. If you haven’t read Savage’s column, “Savage Love”, he’s a sex advice columnist. He’s got a lot of experience and he’s well regarded on the field. Anyway, Savage turns the letter over to a Dr. James Cantor, a psychologist and editor of the magazine, “Sexual Abuse”. Cantor doesn’t have a lot of advice but he wishes there was more research in the field. Maybe you could contact him and ask him about studies you could participate in? It might be worth reading some of Cantor’s other stuff anyway. Cantor does suggest that chemical castration might help, and makes the good point that castration is too drastic a term for it. It’s the same sort of testosterone suprressing medicines that are useful in other medical cases, where, for example, some forms of cancer are caused by testosterone. Using testosterone suppression drugs is just one way to help control a medical situation. I hadn’t thought of it like that, before, but it makes sense to me. Anyway, good luck, and I hope you find a friend in need. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/22 "2010-02-08T07:30:20Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > This is what I’m thinking now: > > 1. You are much more noble than **Cesario**. Because he hates himself? ---
**Author:** ![St.Anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@St.Anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Anger)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/23 "2010-02-08T07:32:25Z")
Is there any way the Board here can trace down Cesario and Pdouls IP addresses and maybe the Federal authorities can track them down? Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI, so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates. Bye, bye fuckos. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/24 "2010-02-08T07:32:47Z")
You’re not the only one out there. It’s not my story to share, but suffice it to say that I have a good friend in a similar situation. He’s a good man, and I trusted him to look after my (much) younger sister without a second’s hesitation. He understands the gap between fantasy and reality, and he would never intentionally cause harm. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/25 "2010-02-08T07:33:53Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > Because he hates himself? In comparison, yes. Self hatred may not be the best response to such desires, but it’s better than convincing yourself that it’s perfectly fine to molest children. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/26 "2010-02-08T08:26:49Z")
> [@Cesario](#): > > They can tell someone if they believe you will act out, and believing you will act out isn’t exactly unlikely considering that the prevailing social belief is that it is impossible not to act out. Add to that the fact that medical privacy in general is a joke, one has to be realistic about weighing the potential benefits versus the potential consequences. I’m not saying avoid a therapist, since they can help, but they are capable of hurting as well, and you need to take any privacy concerns you have into account before making any decisions one way or the other. I think you grossly overestimate what that clause allows. I’ve been in it quite a lot, and there are things that I’ve said that could have been interpreted exactly as you are saying, but they were not. The therapist has to be able to justify to some pretty high minded folks that no mistake was made. And you’re in a lot better position to sue than I am, with an anxiety disorder. That said, it’s really a matter of finding a truly ethical therapist/psychologist. You can always feel em out before telling em anything too disastrous. And they aren’t as rare as you seem to think. Especially if you find one that specializes in the problem you have. Why would they tell on you over all of their other patients? ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/27 "2010-02-08T08:29:30Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > **Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI** , so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates. Won’t this just waste at least fifteen to twenty minutes of an agent’s time? Won’t this just lead to prolonging some poor kid’s nightmare? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/28 "2010-02-08T08:41:30Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI, so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates. :rolleyes: God, this subject really does bring out the retards. Yes, I said retards. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/29 "2010-02-08T08:42:47Z")
> [@Pduol](#): > > Thank you, Bith. I also wish there was a medical treatment, aside from castration. Although I have considered it in the past, castration would only be an option for me if my desires were overpowering. As it stands now, I can control them. That is why I devote myself so much towards community service. I have found that nothing will quiet the urge as much as helping someone that is less fortunate than I am. I think you may have thrown out my post with the bathwater. SSRIs, (you know, like Prozac, Celexa, Paxil) are actually being tested to be good with pedophilia. They do cause a decrease in libido, but they also help calm any urges while still letting you have sex. > [@](#): > > This is something that I have long suspected, but since its such a taboo subject, I have had no way to confirm my suspicions. Yip. You have type 2 pedophilia. And it’s only considered a problem if it causes you distress or you act on it. I know because one of my OCD symptoms was fear that I was a pedophile, and I spent a lot of time trying to prove it wrong. > [@](#): > > I did try to seek some professional help when my oldest daughter was 11 years old. Like I said in the OP, I never was attracted to either of my daughters, but I was attracted to their friends. This bothered me immensely and decided to seek help. I no sooner told the therapist what was bothering me and she was on the phone with someone trying to decided if she should report me. I hightailed it out of there and never considered seeking help again. As far as a 12-step group, doesn’t that require the belief in a higher power? That totally sucks, and has not been my experience. Then again, I’ve never had to say something as bad as actually liking prepubescents. Maybe it is a bit stronger, though I suspect my good therapists would not have minded after hearing some of the repulsive thought I’ve had to overcome. I think you’d do better with a specialist if you can find one. And a true psychologist who can separate their emotions from trying to get you better. It is true that most non-doctoral therapists do not have the skills necessary to deal with something of this magnitude. > [@](#): > > Yes, this is for real. As I said earlier, I’m not sure why I’m doing this, other than I wanted a view other than **cesario’s** on the table. Getting it out means you can get help. There’s always a way out–no one is incapable of any improvement. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/30 "2010-02-08T08:45:17Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > In comparison, yes. Self hatred may not be the best response to such desires, but it’s better than convincing yourself that it’s perfectly fine to molest children. Exactly. If you hate yourself, that can be a potent motivation to change. Part of that change will involve learning not to hate yourself. It’s much harder to be taught that pedophilia is not okay. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/31 "2010-02-08T08:45:21Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > In comparison, yes. Self hatred may not be the best response to such desires, but it’s better than convincing yourself that it’s perfectly fine to molest children. **Alessan** , in the other Pit thread, said : [QUOTE=Alessan] You know, I think the whole concept of suppressing certain thoughts gets a bum rap. It’s a socially effective psychlogical mechanism and its use should be encouraged. [/QUOTE] and I think that’s true. Always being “true to yourself” doesn’t make you a hero. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/32 "2010-02-08T09:39:44Z")
Everyone has desires and urges that they may not want to discuss around a dinner table. And as far as I know, nope, nothing you can do about them. However, keeping your mind correct, realizing there is no fucking way and never acting on it is a hell of a good start towards normal. What I see the fundamental difference between our two admitted pedophiles is that one is wallowing in the thoughts, being overcome with them, so much that it limits any discussion he is in, the other, quite clearly doesn’t seem to be perving out on posting. It isn’t what Cesario thinks that is making people nutso, it is that it does not seem abstract and “just thoughts.” And FYI, I think that YOUR “Ask the pedophile” thread would have a significantly different tone. No one can control your thoughts, but you should be able to control your actions. If such a day comes that you fear you may not, get help. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/33 "2010-02-08T10:24:59Z")
> [@](#): > > ust want to point out that it could be a type of OCD. You find the thoughts disturbing, right? But even if they aren’t, the medicines that help OCD also help with pedophilia. The symptoms are actually somewhat similar: pedophilia often manifests as an obsessive desire. Yes, Exactly. it’s possible that pedophillia (and other "stuck on a fetish/particlar aspect) might be very screwed up OCD where the fixtation is sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/34 "2010-02-08T10:33:52Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > **Alessan** , in the other Pit thread, said : > > [QUOTE=Alessan] > You know, I think the whole concept of suppressing certain thoughts gets a bum rap. It’s a socially effective psychlogical mechanism and its use should be encouraged. and I think that’s true. [/QUOTE] The problem is, as far as I know not only does it not work, it has the opposite of the intended effect. Try not to think of something, and you will only think about it more often. Someone who believes that even thinking of “X” is wrong is likely to be thinking about it obsessively as he tries to avoid doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Henrichek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5daacb/32.png) [@Henrichek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Henrichek)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/35 "2010-02-08T10:35:36Z")
While I understand this is not an "Ask the … " thread, one part of the OP raised a question. So, **Pduol** , if you don’t mind: What triggered your wife to ask whether you had these desires? That seems to suggest that you haven’t completely been able to hide them. Despite how strongly I find your desires disgusting, I do feel sorry for you and wish you the best of luck with controlling (or even overcoming) your urges. As long as you at least keep your current mindset and never act on the urges, I wouldn’t call you a monster. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/36 "2010-02-08T10:37:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The problem is, as far as I know not only does it not work, it has the opposite of the intended effect. Try not to think of something, and you will only think about it more often. Someone who believes that even thinking of “X” is wrong is likely to be thinking about it obsessively as he tries to avoid doing so. There are certain activities you can do where you just can’t really think about anything else while you’re doing them. For example, rock climbing is a lot of fun, but while you’re doing it it’s hard to think about things other than rock climbing. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/37 "2010-02-08T10:40:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Please read this.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12090763&postcount=347) Please read this : [QUOTE=Ed Zotti] We’re now invoking this rule: We don’t want to see any further discussion from Cesario about pedophilia. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/38 "2010-02-08T10:46:17Z")
Exactly. Ban both of the sick fuckers for breaking the rules. Perfect opportunity to stand behind what you said you would do. ---
**Author:** ![raindog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@raindog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raindog)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/39 "2010-02-08T10:51:28Z")
> [@Cesario](#): > > While I’m sure you don’t believe me, Pduol, I’m also not a monster. Yes you are. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/40 "2010-02-08T10:57:57Z")
> [@St.Anger](#): > > Is there any way the Board here can trace down Cesario and Pdouls IP addresses and maybe the Federal authorities can track them down? > > Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI, so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates. > > Bye, bye fuckos. Way to promote the case that the opposition to **cesario** wasn’t a simple witchhunt, idiot. **pduol** , you have my respect as well, not because you hate yourself, but because you have the awareness of which part of your desires is problematic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115.md?page=3)