# I am not a monster, dammit!!!!!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 8, 2010, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115 "2010-02-08T05:42:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/81 "2010-02-08T19:11:29Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > This board is actually more interesting when people aren’t talking too much about controversial subjects. Speak for yourself - If it isn’t controversial, I couldn’t care less. That’s what you almost never will see me in IMHO or Game Room. ---
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/82 "2010-02-08T19:16:29Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > Elaborating on what I said in my first reply: > > I wonder, is there any way that a morally conscious man like **Pdoul** could make a contribution to science by allowing himself to be tested? Doing so would risk quite a bit of negative reaction, but what if they could take brain scans while he’s looking at children or something? If pedophiles could volunteer for medical analysis and experimentation, science and medicine could start thinking about how to deal with the problem. If people weren’t so full of piss and vinegar here, they would do on this topic what they do for every other topic: hit the search engines, especially the academic ones such as google scholar, and you will find there is tons of research going on in this area. You might even realize there are associations of psychologists and other mental health professionals who specialize in matters related to to treatment of sex offenders’ mental health issues. And if you studied that, you all might have some of your ignorance about **Cesario** and the generalizations you made exposed as faux. At the very least, you would have to adjust your claims to account for the literature in the field, which no one I have noticed seems to mention at all. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/83 "2010-02-08T19:17:08Z")
I agree. I love controversy. But I believe people should be able to discuss it politely. ---
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/84 "2010-02-08T19:19:27Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Seeing as you have no true desire to act on your impulses, telling a therapist is not going to cause a problem. (They can’t tell anyone else.) That is potentially dangerous advice indeed. Therapists can and in fact MUST disclose certain matters to authorities. You would do well to research this to your satisfaction, in your jurisdiction - not only the law, but the specific professional ethics of the specifically qualified therapist you choose. Not all therapists are subject to the same ethical codes, even inthe same jurisdiction, or even in the same office. ---
**Author:** ![not\_alice](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_alice/32/7283_2.png) [@not\_alice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_alice)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/85 "2010-02-08T19:22:02Z")
> [@Pduol](#): > > I would be willing to do this, if anonymity could be guaranteed. I would have no idea where to start looking, though > **[Home](https://www.atsa.com)** > > Association for the Treatment & Prevention of Sexual Abuse RESEARCH. TREAT. PREVENT. arrows Treatment Referrals       arrows Information Library       arrows Annual Conference September 30- October 2, 2026 Detroit,... ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/86 "2010-02-08T19:23:14Z")
To the OP: I feel very, very sorry for your predicament. I should be on my knees thanking God that I was born a (mostly) heterosexual woman, happily married more than 20 years, able to act out my urges with my mate. You, and others like you, OTOH, cannot do any such thing. People (and I use the term loosely) like **Cesario** give all of you a bad name by saying shit like (paraphrasing) “I know she’s only five, but dammit, she should be able to give _consent_, and if she could, I’d totally do her!” There’s really not too much you have in common with that heap of waste except that you share the same urges. You, though. . .you recognize these urges as unnatural (I’m not sure that’s the right word, since obviously they are natural _to you_), illegal, and inactionable. If there were something you could do about your situation, you would. In some (minor) way, I can relate. All my life, even from childhood, I was obese, working my way into morbid obesity in adult-hood. I dieted, endlessly, endlessly. I finally ended up having gastric bypass surgery, which allowed me to lose 150lbs. I’m certain if there were a surgery that would allow you to get rid of your urges that you recognize as immoral, you’d do it in a heartbeat. I wish you nothing but the best, and thank you for posting your story here. Pay no mind to non-entities like **St.Anger**. The key word there would be ‘anger’, apparently directed at anyone but himself. ---
**Author:** ![Lestrade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Lestrade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lestrade)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/87 "2010-02-08T19:34:36Z")
> [@not\_alice](#): > > [http://www.atsa.com/](http://www.atsa.com/) That site is aimed at reducing recidivism and the impact of sex offenders. The problem here, as discussed in the Savage Love [column](http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=3347526) linked by **Merneith** in post [21](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12090904&postcount=21), is that **Pdoul** isn’t a sex offender. That organization might be able to provide guidance for non-offenders, but that isn’t their raison d’être. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/88 "2010-02-08T19:45:52Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > What law would that be? Well, as best I can tell from all this (granted, haven’t seen the posting history of both of them), both pduol and Caesario have admitted to being pedophiles, the difference is that pduol has said he has never acted on that attraction, and Caesario said he had. The law, therefore, would be having sex with minors. Again, IANAL or even really understand law that well, but having sex with someone under the age of consent (what is it in the US? I know it’s 16 up here) is illegal. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts, and plenty of people have gone to jail for it. Since pduol has not had sex with minors (merely an attraction to them) he has not broken that law. Since Caesario has (as best I can tell from all the stuff flying around the SDMB about him) he has broken that law. I’m really hoping that this posting isn’t contravening Ed’s new dictate, I don’t see how it can, but since it’s directly related to the subject matter I am trying to stay on the good side of the decree. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/89 "2010-02-08T20:00:31Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > pduol has said he has never acted on that attraction, and Caesario said he had. No he hasn’t. He has said many times that he has never acted on his desires. He’s disgusting, but he has never admitted to actually doing anything with a child. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/90 "2010-02-08T20:01:21Z")
> [@dhkendall](#): > > Well, as best I can tell from all this (granted, haven’t seen the posting history of both of them), both pduol and Caesario have admitted to being pedophiles, the difference is that pduol has said he has never acted on that attraction, and Caesario said he had. Nope. \*\*Cesario \*\*has said he _hasn_’t acted on his impulses. > [@](#): > > Since Caesario has (as best I can tell from all the stuff flying around the SDMB about him) he has broken that law. This is the problem with getting information second-hand. If you read **Cesario** ’s own posts, rather than posts \*about \*him, you’d see that this was not the case. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/91 "2010-02-08T20:08:19Z")
I feel bad for the OP. While I’ve never had any sort of attraction to girls that young, I’ve certainly felt a loin tug here and there during the course of my life for say, a well-developed 16 or 17 year old. I think most hetero men at some point in their life have looked a little too long at a short-skirted underage girl…and then let the thought slip away as nonsense. I can’t understand a level of attraction towards girls that young though. And I definitely cannot wrap my head around whatever **Cesario** has going on with 5 year olds and such. That’s just…so utterly wrong and foul as to be unthinkable. Anyway, I wish the OP luck. That OCD angle sounds promising. Check it out. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/92 "2010-02-08T20:12:53Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > I feel bad for the OP. While I’ve never had any sort of attraction to girls that young, I’ve certainly felt a loin tug here and there during the course of my life for say, a well-developed 16 or 17 year old. I think most hetero men at some point in their life have looked a little too long at a short-skirted underage girl…and then let the thought slip away as nonsense. It makes perfect biological sense that men would be drawn towards women that are sixteen or seventeen years old. Women of that age are perfectly capable of getting pregnant (they are even before then) and their bodies are generally curvy and boobily. Our age of adulthood - 18 - has no particular biological significance. A woman does not suddenly develop anything naturally on her eighteenth birthday. ---
**Author:** ![choie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/choie/32/7829_2.png) [@choie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choie)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/93 "2010-02-08T20:12:56Z")
Bolding mine in both cases: > [@dhkendall](#): > > Well, as best I can tell from all this (granted, haven’t seen the posting history of both of them), both pduol and Caesario have admitted to being pedophiles, the difference is that pduol has said he has never acted on that attraction, and **Caesario said he had**. > [@](#): > > The law, therefore, would be having sex with minors. Again, IANAL or even really understand law that well, but having sex with someone under the age of consent (what is it in the US? I know it’s 16 up here) is illegal. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts, and plenty of people have gone to jail for it. Since pduol has not had sex with minors (merely an attraction to them) he has not broken that law. **Since Caesario has** (as best I can tell from all the stuff flying around the SDMB about him) he has broken that law. No, he hasn’t had sex with minors; he’s said repeatedly that he’s never acted on his fantasies. If I’ve missed where he’s said he _has_, my apologies, but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t. My sympathies go out to the OP, who appears to be that most rare individual, an “acceptable pedophile,” almost to the point where some might think you’re too ‘ideal’ to be believed. If what you’re saying is true, I wish you the best of luck with finding some peace and contentment with your very unfortunate lot. I have some fantasies myself that others might find icky (me as victim), though I guess the old “rape/ravishment” fantasy is practically vanilla these days. Still, they bother me, and I’m not even the perpetrator in these dreams! So I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. Either way, thoughts, disturbing or not, aren’t actions, and you shouldn’t be punished for them. **Edited to add** : Sorry for the repeated correction about **Cesario**. Well, maybe if enough of us correct this, people won’t make the mistake again? ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/94 "2010-02-08T20:21:52Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Don’t really see where the OP has broken any rules yet. Why the animosity toward this person? > > Has anyone here _never_ had some kind of unacceptable thought or desire? I know I have (not sexual desires towards minors, in case anyone thinks I’m posting sympathetically from some agenda). We don’t always have control over the thoughts that pass through our minds. Hell, I’ll cop to having sexual desires towards minors, and I guarantee you that anyone who’s been to a beach where there are 17-year-olds who claims they have never had such a desire is a liar. Doesn’t make it right or something one should act on, but it doesn’t make me a monster either. Monstrosity is entirely in actions, not in thoughts. If talking here is helping anyone NOT act on monstrous desires, then let 'em talk and you fools who can’t get past “oh that’s sick” and “desires are as bad as action” can all go straight to hell. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/95 "2010-02-08T20:21:57Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I agree. I love controversy. But I believe people should be able to discuss it politely. This is the pit. All of the pretense of being nice and polite goes right out the window, as it should. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/96 "2010-02-08T20:23:09Z")
> [@choie](#): > > My sympathies go out to the OP, who appears to be that most rare individual, an “acceptable pedophile,” But how could we possibly know how rare that is? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/97 "2010-02-08T20:40:20Z")
I believe **Cesario** said he hadn’t ‘abused’ a child. Of course, he only thinks it’s ‘abuse’, if the child wasn’t yet ready to be sexually active. And he has clearly stated he thinks some children are capable of consent, ergo ready to be sexually active. Some pretty fine slicing and dicing, in my opinion. I think he does believe he hasn’t ‘abused’ a child. I also believe someone not a pedophile might disagree, and draw the line a little differently. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/98 "2010-02-08T20:47:17Z")
The true test for being a monster is whether you are an early or late merger when lanes close on the highway. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/99 "2010-02-08T20:57:18Z")
Cool, people are actually discussing this rationally. I hope all the sperging vigilante assholes stay over in the Ceasario threads, this one doesn’t need all that wailing and gnashing of teeth. (Though no doubt Muffin will be along shortly to demand that everybody reports everybody to somebody for something) A question then. Pdual mentions that he throws himself into community work as a way of suppressing his desires. I just wonder, is this a common thing? It occurs to me that many people outed as peados in the past have been men who were very active in the community, football coaches, scout leaders etc etc. (no cites for this of course, just thinking out loud). Is it common for reasonable men, suppressing their pedophile urges, to use community work as an outlet, with the implication that for many men, this actually led to temptations that they could not overcome. Is this something you worry about Pdual? (The second implication is of course, that many of those men (coaches, scout leaders) outed as pedophiles, were good, noble men such as Pdual is now. And so…) > [@St.Anger](#): > > Is there any way the Board here can trace down Cesario and Pdouls IP addresses and maybe the Federal authorities can track them down? > > Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI, so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates. > > Bye, bye fuckos. I just called the goddamn Batman. These fuckers don’t know what is about to hit them!!! ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115/100 "2010-02-08T20:57:56Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > It makes perfect biological sense that men would be drawn towards women that are sixteen or seventeen years old. Women of that age are perfectly capable of getting pregnant (they are even before then) and their bodies are generally curvy and boobily. Our age of adulthood - 18 - has no particular biological significance. A woman does not suddenly develop anything naturally on her eighteenth birthday. Well, I know, but having sex with a 16 year old girl at my age is not only illegal but certainly morally questionable (even if it were legal age of consent). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-monster-dammit/528115.md?page=6)