# I am not a ninja
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [February 3, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569 "2003-02-03T19:50:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/1 "2003-02-03T19:50:00Z")
I do not have complete awareness of my surroundings.
I cannot hear that which cannot be heard. Smooth vertical walls are guaranteed to contain me. I do not have the ability to sneak up on you and destroy your esophagus with a mere flick of my finger.
But you know what? I know that if I’m in line at the supermarket/buffet line/stadium/movie theater, when I take one step backwards, I’m going to FUCKING RUN INTO SOMEONE! Is this a concept too complex to fully understand? If I’m walking forward, I pay attention to what is in front of me! I don’t have to keep my eyes glued forward, but as long as I have a general idea of where people are, and where they’re going, I’m not going to run into anyone. Why is this so damned hard to understand?!?
Also, when I’m doing dishes, I use about 3 feet of kitchen space - to be more specific, the 3 feet between the sink and the dishwasher. Guess what’s gonna fucking happen in about three seconds when I’m done rinsing this pot off. That’s right! I’m going to turn towards the dishwasher and put it in there! So get the fuck out my way, woman!
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### Author:  [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/2 "2003-02-03T20:00:34Z")
One time someone backed into me at the theater, and I flipped out and killed the entire town.
read [this](http://www.realultimatepower.net) if you think I’ve lost it
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### Author:  [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/3 "2003-02-03T20:03:54Z")
That’s so cool. And by cool I mean totally sweet.
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### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/4 "2003-02-03T20:15:49Z")
The world would have fewer people who ended up crying infront of their friends after an abortive attempt to look macho if more people realised what the OP says.
It’s even more pathetic when you slap one of them down only to watch one of their friends say, “you want some of me!”
“Sure” Isn’t the answer they were hoping for.
\>.\<
As Gord says, “Next time! Oh no, not next time! That’s SO much worse than ‘right now!’”
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### Author:  [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/5 "2003-02-03T20:56:47Z")
I wish I was a ninja. Then people would like me, I just know it! Or they’d fear my ninja prowess. Either way I’d get more of what I want outta life, that much is certain.
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### Author:  [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/6 "2003-02-03T21:19:39Z")
Ninjas!!! I have not forgotten that the Black Hand Clan has killed my Shaolin master and destroyed and burned the countryside and killed and scattered my people! One day, i shall track the last of you down, and wipe the scouge of the Black Hand Clan off the face of the earth! Until that day, i shall have to settle for eliminating them one at a time. Death to the Black Hand!!
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/7 "2003-02-03T21:39:59Z")
But Munch, if they stand real close behind you it’ll make the line move faster. Ask anybody at the grocery store.
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### Author:  [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/8 "2003-02-03T21:42:17Z")
Ha! **Lieu** , I completely read that like you were calling someone a buttmunch. Then I reread it. Blast! It was funnier when I read it wrong.
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### Author:  [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/9 "2003-02-03T21:48:12Z")
Dude, ninjas are sweet! There could be a ninja here right now and we wouldn’t even know about it!
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### Author:  [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/10 "2003-02-03T21:48:37Z")
[Obligatory Onion link](http://www.theonion.com/onion3535/disgruntled_ninja.html).
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### Author:  [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/11 "2003-02-03T21:51:36Z")
Excellent OP. Only enhanced by the responses.
I love this thread with every part of my body. Including my pee pee.
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### Author:  [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/12 "2003-02-03T22:45:32Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by red\_dragon60 \*
> \*\*Dude, ninjas are sweet! There could be a ninja here right now and we wouldn’t even know about it! \*\*
I won’t tell you exactly what I’m wearing right now, but let’s just say I’m ready to rock! (Or ready for bed)
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### Author:  [@Mothchunks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mothchunks)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/13 "2003-02-03T22:45:41Z")
\< \>
You do not see me.
signed,
a Ninja
PS get the fuck out of my way, are you fucking blind AND deaf?
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### Author:  [@CadburyAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CadburyAngel)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/14 "2003-02-03T23:05:04Z")
There is a semi-narrow hallway between the place where food is purchased and the place where food is eaten. It is generally full of people, packed closely together. About 90% of them have warped trays full of food.
The next time somebody in front of me stops abruptly and causes a food-flingin’ chain reaction, I’m going to lean forward and hiss menacingly in their ear, “You’re lucky I’m not a ninja…”
“… or am I?”
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### Author:  [@Anonymous\_Coward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anonymous_Coward)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/15 "2003-02-04T00:06:00Z")
A ninja bit my sis…
aw, fuck it.
😃
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### Author:  [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/16 "2003-02-04T00:10:08Z")
“in the confusion of a smoke bomb, i could remove your bra, and you wouldn’t even notice”
–Sifl and Olly, Ninja of the Night
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### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/17 "2003-02-04T00:14:45Z")
I love ninjas.
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### Author:  [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/18 "2003-02-04T00:18:23Z")
[The Tick]
Ninjas, schminjas, we’re a hedge. Move along, nothing to see here.
[/The Tick]
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### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/19 "2003-02-04T01:09:55Z")
Why are you washing dishes when you own a dishwasher?
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### Author:  [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2003, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/20 "2003-02-04T01:22:06Z")
That’s just further proof he’s not a ninja. Nija wouldn’t own a dishwasher (apprentices do all the masters’ domestic chores)
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