# I am not a ninja
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [February 3, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569 "2003-02-03T19:50:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 8
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/41 "2003-02-05T04:37:47Z")
You type like a ninja.
Although you _insist_ you’re a nonja.
When I grow up, I wanna be a nonja just like But Munch. Do nonja’s get to wear special toe socks?
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### Author:  [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/42 "2003-02-05T05:12:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by **Kyla** _:
> **I win about 98% of the time - but no one ever notices that, do they? They only notice the 2% when the coding wins!**
There’s a law of some sort (think Murphy, Gaudere, etc.) applicable to this:
One “Aw, shit” wipes out all your “Attaboys” every time.
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### Author:  [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/43 "2003-02-05T05:55:26Z")
NINJA BURGER!
[Guaranteed delivery in 30 minutes or less, or we commit Seppuku!](http://www.ninjaburger.com)
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### Author:  [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/44 "2003-02-05T05:59:45Z")
Concentrate, grasshopper, and learn the ways of the ancients.
When impatient person crowds you at checkout, harness the power of beansprouts and release the essence. You will have space and will not lose focus.
Though one tiny muscle, sphincter have great authority. 😃
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### Author:  [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/45 "2003-02-05T16:26:54Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by martin\_ibn\_martin \*
> \*\*it will all become clear and you too will love ninjas (and this thread) with your peepee…
>
> Uhh…
>
> Or something.
> \*\*
“Or something” indeed, as I am physically incapable of loving anything with my peepee.
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### Author:  [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/46 "2003-02-05T18:43:15Z")
Munch… it would appear that you have mastered the techniques of stealth and disguise so well that no-one can even tell where you are.
I was once disguised as a bartender and the evening was a busy one. With my cat like reflexes and speed I was able to reach behind me and grab whatever I needed without looking.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the boss’s wife was also a practicing ninja with stealth skills that surpassed even my own. She came up behind me unnoticed and as I spun (with superhuman speed) to grab a bottle I struck her full in the face with my elbow. Apparently she neglected to train sufficiently in the defensive arts as she was unable to block the blow and was nearly knocked unconcious.
That is the problem, as ninjas we must conceal our identities from the Gaijin and we often do it so well they fail to respect our personal space an realize our destructive potential, often with disastrous results.
I would suggest wearing a t-shirt that says “I could be a ninja… BACK OFF!” emblazoned across the back. That way people might suspect that you are either a real ninja or simply one of those crazy round eyed Gaijin. Either way… you’ll get your space and won’t have to give away your identity by killing someone in the grocery aisle.
Now I am going to backflip the length of the house so I can go and unload the dishwasher as my master commands. She will likely have other commands for me later that I will follow without question.
Never mess with the master.
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### Author:  [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/47 "2003-02-05T19:06:53Z")
We bought a new Maytag, and we don’t have to rinse our dishes at all. It’s great.
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### Author:  [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-ninja/152569/48 "2003-02-05T20:06:28Z")
I’m a ninja. Or at least I will be when I raise about three more levels. Just thought you should know.
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