# I am not a racist ! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 29, 2002, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392 "2002-10-29T12:57:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SpasticKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@SpasticKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpasticKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/21 "2002-10-30T06:01:21Z")
I’m sure this guy has been the target of racisim before, and that is a sad thing. Still, it sounds like you’ve made a good effort to be friendly to him and his wife. For him to just throw it back in your face like that was incredibly rude. I think you should continue to be friendly with this guy and his wife. But if he brings it up or accuses you of being racist again, definitely challenge him on it. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/22 "2002-10-30T06:33:03Z")
If for no other reason than to maintain good neighbor relations, I can see **SpasticKitty’s** (and others’ above) point to try one more time to be nice. Fighting with neighbors would be a horrible thing. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/23 "2002-10-30T06:45:14Z")
I think we’ve all made at least one mistake or said something stupid that we regretted later. We wouldn’t want to be judged solely on that one incident. I say give the guy a chance to prove who he is one way or the other. ---
**Author:** ![Lou\_E.Thunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Lou\_E.Thunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lou_E.Thunder)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/24 "2002-10-30T07:17:20Z")
Maybe he has been mistreated terribly and is used to stuff like that, and he was just bitter. Have a word with him, tell him you arent racists etc, and that you dont appreciate being called ‘white girl’. ---
**Author:** ![Reuben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@Reuben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reuben)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/25 "2002-10-30T11:21:40Z")
I am at a loss to understand the colossal double standard here. If **dragongirl** were black and was writing about some comparable race-related rudeness from an angry white guy, the resulting yells and screams of indignation would bust the server. Yet _this_ way round it’s blanket assumptions of mitigating circumstance and pleas for tolerance all round, and - most incredibly - someone even suggests that anyone who isn’t black shouldn’t judge! _Why is tolerating anti-social behaviour a virtue?_ And even if it is, why does it only work one way when race is involved? Even if this man’s life is a living hell of daily racial abuse that is still NO EXCUSE for him to take his anger and frustration out on anyone completely uninvolved in that. It’s the OPer’s responsibility to call him on it. Silence will most likely be mistaken for guilt and he’ll feel right about having said what he said. Since you are friends with his wife, just mention it to her and let her chew his ear off when he gets home. I reckon she’d have plenty to say. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/26 "2002-10-30T12:05:08Z")
“Oh, I didn’t think a white girl like you wanted to be seen waving to me.” “It’s a shame that you think that” ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/27 "2002-10-30T12:20:26Z")
Phil Berquist: Where are you from? Ben Jessup: Baltimore. We have a dental practice there. Mitch Robbins: Really, you’re both dentists? Steve Jessup: Yes! We’re black AND we’re dentists. Let’s not make an issue out of it. Ben Jessup: Eh, they’re not making an issue of it. You’re making an issue of it. Talk about weird timing. Just as I was reading quotes from City Slickers :). ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/28 "2002-10-30T12:53:49Z")
I think Reuben has a point. If the situation were reversed in terms of melatonin content, we wouldn’t be specualting about the white man’s motives would we? Does anybody honestly think that many posters would say “Well geez, give the guy a pass this time, maybe he has had bad experieces with blacks before.” The guy was rude. End of story. dragongirls decicion on future interactions with him should not be dependent on the mans’ race. Whether she chooses to “call him on it”, or chooses to ignore him, or chooses to “give him another chance” should not be dependent on the race of either individual. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/29 "2002-10-30T12:53:57Z")
Thank you, **Reuben** , for saying best what I was trying to say. Especially this: > [@](#): > > Even if this man’s life is a living hell of daily racial abuse that is still NO EXCUSE for him to take his anger and frustration out on anyone completely uninvolved in that. Explain his behavior? Yes. Excuse it? Never. Um, **Silentgoldfish** , do you often sit around reading City Slickers quotes? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/30 "2002-10-30T13:00:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monstro \* > \*\*I’m sorry, but I have more pity on him than I do on you. Obviously he has been conveniently ignored before, and you were in the unfortunate position of receiving the backlash. > > My advice is to just let it slide this time and continue to be nice to them. It’s not easy being the “only one” on the block and they will need friends. \*\* What **monstro** said. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/31 "2002-10-30T13:19:46Z")
I think the guy was being a jerk. He may have his reasons, but then again, most rude people have their reasons for being rude. He was out of order, but I don’t think you should let that incident interfere with your good behaviour. Maybe mention it to his wife - in the nicest of fashions? ---
**Author:** ![NutMagnet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@NutMagnet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutMagnet)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/32 "2002-10-30T13:28:59Z")
**dragongirl** : **Deadly** is right. Try to avoid fighting with neighbors. You’ll end up being ostacized by him for this, **and** by the other other neighbors for initially being their friends. Ignore his comments, even if only for that reason. However, don’t let this slide and allow him to think you can be intimidated and accused regularly. If he displays this attitude again, call him on it. You’ll do more for race relations with some tolerance laced with frankness. **Guin** and **Reuben** are both correct. He could have been less chippy, and if color were reversed, it would have been inexcusable. But for every one lapse of his, he may have endured ten insults, as **EasyPhil** points out. I don’t mean to come off as a bleeding heart here, but people of both races in this country, have to work at this if it’s going to get any better. People spouting platitudes and practising the patronizing form of political correctness, aren’t winning the battle. It’s in the day-to-day encounters. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/33 "2002-10-30T13:43:39Z")
“Oh, I didn’t think a white girl like you wanted to be seen waving to me.” “Well, I couldn’t see you because of the glare on the windshield. This white girl waves at all her friends.” (This is just me, but I try to cool off situations with humor.) ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/34 "2002-10-30T13:48:59Z")
IMO, the guy was a jerk. If he communicates with his wife at all, he should know that you’ve been a friend to her, and have no prejudices towards them because of their skin color. Now, if we can just work on that attitude towards “white trash assholes with Harley Davidsons”… ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/35 "2002-10-30T14:38:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by superbee \* > \*\*IMO, the guy was a jerk. If he communicates with his wife at all, he should know that you’ve been a friend to her, and have no prejudices towards them because of their skin color. \*\* Inside the house - where no one can see. I guess I pity the guy because he’s probably been in situations before where people are nice to him, when the neighbors aren’t watching. When in public, it becomes “it’s not me, but other people have problems with it, you understand.” And enough of that and a person might become suspicious. Which doesn’t excuse his rudeness, but it might explain it. Whether you let it slide or not, I wouldn’t make a big deal about it ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/36 "2002-10-30T14:39:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by superbee \* > \*\*IMO, the guy was a jerk. If he communicates with his wife at all, he should know that you’ve been a friend to her, and have no prejudices towards them because of their skin color. \*\* Inside the house - where no one can see. I guess I pity the guy because he’s probably been in situations before where people are nice to him, when the neighbors aren’t watching. When in public, it becomes “it’s not me, but other people have problems with it, you understand.” And enough of that and a person might become suspicious. Which doesn’t excuse his rudeness, but it might explain it. Let it slide or not, but I wouldn’t make a big deal over either decision. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/37 "2002-10-30T15:12:12Z")
I am amazed at the back-history some in this thread are creating for this guy. ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/38 "2002-10-30T17:25:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I am amazed at the back-history some in this thread are creating for this guy. \*\* Well one thing, unfortunately, that you can take for granted, is that the odds are that a black person and especially a black male has experienced multiple racially motivated slights in their life especially if 30 years old or older. I’m not trying to make excuses for what the guy said, because this was a mistake in interpretation on his part. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/39 "2002-10-30T18:26:01Z")
Black people _are_ allowed to be anti-social assholes. I work with plenty of black contractors. Some are impolite jerks and some are nice. Interestingly the jerks _really_ hate it if they perceive someone (especially a woman) is making even the tinest _effort_ to be extra fair/nice/solicitous to them and would (according to them) much prefer the white person’s real straight up fear/loathing/contempt be right out in the open so they can “deal with it” and “keep it real”. This assumes that almost all whites, are at root, inherently racist despite their best intentions and desires to be non-discriminatory and progressive in their attitudes. It’s a somewhat crappy and self defeating attitude (IMO) but given what some people might have gone through in their lives it might be a less exhausting social coping strategy than walking on eggshells while trying to parse out implicit yet intangible racism from the real thing straight up on the rocks. FWIW the black contractors who can play the game and make nice are usually far more successful over time than the 'keeping it real" guys. Even if they feel the same way, it’s usually best to take niceness when you can and simply get the job done. Success (IMO) is always the best revenge in the end if you want to kick whitey in the ass as you drive your Lexus into the garage of your $ 500,000 home while the “keeping it real” guy is mowing your lawn. ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392/40 "2002-10-31T01:43:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EasyPhil \* > \*\*For all of you who say he’s overly sensitive, one question. Are you a black person that lives in a white neigborhood? If you aren’t how can you even begin to imagine whether or not he’s overly sensitive. \*\* To this I must cry bullshit. This idea that you can’t criticize someone’s behavior if you haven’t “walked a mile in their shoes” is utterly incorrect and ridiculous. The man described in the OP is a total dick, and sounds more than a bit paranoid to boot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-not-a-racist/134392.md?page=3)