# I Am Now An Official Geezer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786 "2004-12-02T22:39:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/1 "2004-12-02T22:39:39Z")
That’s right. My _permanent_ AARP (that’s American Association of Retired Persons for those not in the know) card came in the mail today. Now, get outta my way, you whippersnappers, while I drive 20MPH down the middle of the road searchin’ for me some senior citizen discounts. Actually, I am not entitled to all of the benefits just yet. I am 50 years old, a mere pup by AARP standards. However, as I age, I get to move up to more and more old geezer stuff. That’s how I shall measure my life from now on. Birthday milestones henceforth shall be measured by whether or not I move up a notch in AARP benefits. Now, if you all will excuse me,I’ll just hitch my pants up around my chest and go shopping. Let’s see, I need: [ul] [li]Efferdent[/li][li]PoliGrip[/li][li]Geritol[/li][li]A Truss[/li][li]Trifocals[/li][li]An Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer[/li][li]Peppermint (I’m old, I’m supposed to have hard candy on me)[/li][li]Preparation H[/li][/ul] Dagnabbit! Where are those car keys! Why do I need car keys am I going somewhere? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/2 "2004-12-02T22:53:14Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > An Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer Jeez, I read that like the medical field, as “ear, nose and throat trimmer” :eek: Be careful with that thing 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/3 "2004-12-02T23:01:19Z")
Welcome to the club! _Some_ of us age better than others… 😛 So, ya wanna gripe about how expensive medicines and sit around comparing symptoms? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/4 "2004-12-02T23:05:03Z")
Hee hee! Look at the old fart! 😃 \ ***I** \* don’t turn 50 for umm, well, uh, twenty nine days yet! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/5 "2004-12-02T23:12:05Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > \*An Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer I didn’t mind going gray in my 20s, nor did I care when I started balding in my 30s. But g\*ddammit, I’m in my 40s, and I have to have my earlobes trimmed when I go to the barber. That’s an insult! ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/6 "2004-12-02T23:16:58Z")
Welcome to the club, ya old fart. Don’t forget to get a case of Metamucil. You are eating plenty of fiber, right? And it’s lemon drops, not peppermints. Peppermints give ya heartburn. BTW, Costco has the best prices on meds. Write that down, you won’t remember it 10 minutes from now. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/7 "2004-12-02T23:19:29Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > But g\*ddammit, I’m in my 40s, and I have to have my earlobes trimmed when I go to the barber. That’s an insult! Just a note, my friend. When you go in to the barber’s next time, make sure you don’t ask for your earlobes to be trimmed. In addition to insulting, it’s probably pretty painful. **Swampy** , when you’re toodling at 20mph make sure to leave a blinker on. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/8 "2004-12-02T23:29:15Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > Just a note, my friend. When you go in to the barber’s next time, make sure you don’t ask for your earlobes to be trimmed. In addition to insulting, it’s probably pretty painful. It’s less painful than the 2 times in the last 6 months that I’ve nearly ripped out my hoop earring… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/9 "2004-12-02T23:30:33Z")
: runs through thread in youthful exuberance, turns a corner and runs smack into 30 : :eek: Congrats on the discounts…take me to Denny’s, grampsy? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/10 "2004-12-02T23:31:07Z")
You have an earring? How did I not notice that? I must have been captivated by your eyes… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/11 "2004-12-03T00:05:37Z")
A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.” The Grandpa says, “No.” The little boy goes on, “Please…please make a frog noise.” The Grandpa says, “No, now go play.” The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.” So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.” The Grandpa says, “I just told your brother ‘no’ and I’m telling you ‘no’.” The little girl says, “Please…please Grandpa make a frog noise.” The Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?” The little girl replied, “Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/12 "2004-12-03T02:19:13Z")
[Nelson]Ha-ha![/Nelson] I don’t hit 50 for, oh…over 100 days! Wheeeeeeeee! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/13 "2004-12-03T02:32:53Z")
The principal “benefit” you will derive for the next few decades will be their weekly mailed spam solicitations to buy their insurance. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/14 "2004-12-03T02:42:11Z")
I don’t turn 50 for… almost 32 more years! (It’s OK that you’re 50. I’m still stalking you.) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/15 "2004-12-03T02:57:17Z")
Welcome to the club, you young punk. I don’t mind having my ears and eyebrows trimmed. I’ve lost so much hair off the top of my head it’s the only way I feel like I’m getting my money’s worth from the barber. The only thing that really bothers me is the occasional bout with short -term memory loss. I don’t mind having my ears and eyebrows trimmed. I’ve lost so much hair off the top of my head it’s the only way I feel like I’m getting my money’s worth from the barber. The only thing that really bothers me is the occasional bout with short-term memory loss. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/16 "2004-12-03T03:13:04Z")
There’s something called a doper brat-pack. Maybe it’s time to form a Geezer Group? Or somethin’. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/17 "2004-12-03T03:19:53Z")
**Hobbles in, slowly, belatedly** Eh? Eh? Is this where the geezers are gathering? **Baker** and I will be back in 29 days to join you… ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/18 "2004-12-03T03:30:01Z")
I turned 50 last April and got the invitation. I didn’t apply because I missed the deadline on the form. They’ve sent me a couple of others since. Maybe I’ll join. Someday. But one thing that made me feel even older than getting that in the mail was when I was at one of San Francisco’s finest restaurants, a place called Denny’s, and on the back of the menu was the selections “for our guest over 55.” Jeeze, less than four and a half years and I can order from the senior menu. That made me feel old. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/19 "2004-12-03T03:38:39Z")
Ohhhh you’re OLD. They say tastebuds are the first thing to go. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/20 "2004-12-03T04:22:13Z")
In Denny’s case, that may be a good thing. 😉 As for the “doper brat-pack”, we…um…I mean, _they_ don’t really exist. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786.md?page=2)