# I Am Now An Official Geezer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786 "2004-12-02T22:39:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/41 "2004-12-03T16:33:53Z")
DON’T LISTEN TO **TUPUG**! We happen to know for a fact that, despite her username, she has _four_ dogs! Yes, the scandal is out. She doesn’t even know how many pets she has. Which makes me wonder if, someday, **Swampbear,** you will look at your own username and start wondering where your pet bear went. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/42 "2004-12-03T16:38:07Z")
> [@merrily](#): > > DON’T LISTEN TO **TUPUG**! We happen to know for a fact that, despite her username, she has _four_ dogs! Yes, the scandal is out. She doesn’t even know how many pets she has. > > Which makes me wonder if, someday, **Swampbear,** you will look at your own username and start wondering where your pet bear went. **merry** , are you insinuatin’ I’m gonna be one o them ol’ bats what ends up wif hunnerds of aminals runnin around in her house turnin’ it into toxic waste??? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/43 "2004-12-03T17:02:57Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > …while I drive 20MPH down the middle of the road searchin’ for me some senior citizen discounts. Don’t forget to wear a hat, so we know you have the right to do this. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/44 "2004-12-03T17:07:05Z")
I have a pet bear? Well, that would explain why there’s poop all over the woods behind my house.😃 **Puggy** I’m torn between D.E.P.E.N.D.S. and C.O.D.S. for a name right now. What? I like acronyms. Maybe I’ll buy a nice condo in Boca. I hear they have some really nice early bird specials there. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/45 "2004-12-03T17:17:17Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > We need a catchier name than _Geezer Patrol_. Brat Pack is catchy, but it’s taken by the under 30s… Senile Delinquents? ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/46 "2004-12-03T17:56:50Z")
> [@merrily](#): > > DON’T LISTEN TO **TUPUG**! We happen to know for a fact that, despite her username, she has _four_ dogs! Much work and pet acquisition/reproduction remains to reach the official House of Squalortm designation. In 22 days I will be one year from AARP membership. I am preparing by yelling at those damn kids to get off my lawn! Which ain’t easy since I live in a townhouse and don’t have a lawn ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/47 "2004-12-03T17:58:44Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > Senile Delinquents? **DING! DING! DING! DING!** … Somebody get the doorbell will ya?.. We have a winner! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/48 "2004-12-03T18:00:43Z")
> [@5que](#): > > I am preparing by yelling at those damn kids to get off my lawn! > > Which ain’t easy since I live in a townhouse and don’t have a lawn I’m pretty sure this would be irrelevant to a true geezer. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/49 "2004-12-03T18:15:50Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > That’s right. My _permanent_ AARP (that’s American Association of Retired Persons for those not in the know) card came in the mail today. Now, get outta my way, you whippersnappers, while I drive 20MPH down the middle of the road searchin’ for me some senior citizen discounts. > > Actually, I am not entitled to all of the benefits just yet. I am 50 years old, a mere pup by AARP standards. However, as I age, I get to move up to more and more old geezer stuff. That’s how I shall measure my life from now on. Birthday milestones henceforth shall be measured by whether or not I move up a notch in AARP benefits. > > Now, if you all will excuse me,I’ll just hitch my pants up around my chest and go shopping. Let’s see, I need: > > [ul] > [li]Efferdent[/li][li]PoliGrip[/li][li]Geritol[/li][li]A Truss[/li][li]Trifocals[/li][li]An Ear and Nose Hair Trimmer[/li][li]Peppermint (I’m old, I’m supposed to have hard candy on me)[/li][li]Preparation H[/li][/ul] > > Dagnabbit! Where are those car keys! Why do I need car keys am I going somewhere? > 😃 A true geezer carries butterscotch; not peppermint. At least you would if you were my grandma. Wonder why that is. Maybe to mask the “old people” smell? ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/50 "2004-12-03T18:34:17Z")
> [@5que](#): > > Much work and pet acquisition/reproduction remains to reach the official House of Squalortm designation. Believe me when I say that just three small dogs and one large one can provide hours of squalorly entertainment. But yas never know how kooky yu’ll get in another ten years or so. 😃 **Senile Delinquent Extraordinaire** , don’tcha know. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/51 "2004-12-03T18:47:27Z")
I’m really liking this Senile Delinquent idea. Leaving used Depends on people’s doorsteps. Emptying out Mountain Dew cans, replacing the Dew with Geritol then offering it to young whippersnappers. Cutting donuts in parking lots with our wheeled walkers. The possibilities are endless. Plus there’s gonna be lots and lots of us! We can be the **next** menace to society. Governments will have to spend millions of tax dollars to construct new nursing homes to house us! We’ll be the scourge of the land! We need an official outfit. Quick! Somebody come up with a design! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/52 "2004-12-03T18:50:46Z")
Can we walk in gangs and threaten young passers-by? Maybe paint “go-fast” stripes on our walkers? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/53 "2004-12-03T18:56:07Z")
Heck yeah **silenus**! With our pants pulled up to our arm pits, our suspenders, our rayon knit shirts and orthopedic shoes, they’ll tremble at our sight. We can even attach boom boxes to our walkers and blast Lawrence Welk tunes in the parking lot at Denney’s. WE’RE HERE! WE’RE SENILE! AND… UMMM… I FORGOT WHAT I WAS SAYING… ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/54 "2004-12-03T19:35:47Z")
**Tupug,** see, you already got the old crabby part down! Good job! No, I was only suggesting you count your pets, and post a list on your medicine cabinet, so you can keep track… **Swampy,** that wasn’t a bear, that was the pope. or did I get that wrong _again_? ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/55 "2004-12-03T19:44:56Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **chaoticdonkey** watch it! Get too fresh and I’ll beat you with my cane, you young whippersnapper! 😉 It’s OK… by “stalking”, I really meant “celerying”. That’s not a real word, but it makes my post more innocuous. ;j ---
**Author:** ![kittenlm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ce7236/32.png) [@kittenlm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenlm)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/56 "2004-12-03T21:27:22Z")
Ya know, I read this thread earlier today and didn’t really have much to add (especially cuz I’m one of those whippersnappers 😛 ). But I had myself a nice little chuckle today as I was driving down the road behind some geezer in a hat doing 30mph in a 45mph zone. So, thanks for making that funny instead of aggravating! ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/57 "2004-12-03T23:55:51Z")
Kids. I’m surrounded by kids. Yesterday I received my official notification from Social Security that I will be automatically enrolled in Medicare in March of 2005. Medicare, for God’s sake----I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up; how the hell can I be enrolled in Medicare. Part A is free, though I don’t know what good it is. Part B will cost me $78.00 per month and I don’t know what good it is, either. Neither is much good, I’m afraid. I will have to buy supplemental insurance to cover prescription medications and that will cost something, plus the $78.00—and they made it sound as if they are doing me a favor. I liked the Geezer Patrol thing. I also like The Geriatric Group. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/58 "2004-12-04T00:27:40Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **DING! DING! DING! DING!** … Somebody get the doorbell will ya?.. We have a winner! Geezers Freaks? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/59 "2004-12-04T01:00:16Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > It’s OK… by “stalking”, I really meant “celerying”. That’s not a real word, but it makes my post more innocuous. ;j Dagnabbit! You know I can’t chew celery. It makes my dentures slip. **kittenlm** I was just over at the OGMB (Old Geezers Message Board) and some Geezer from Joisey was talkin’ about a young whippersnapper who was tailgating him like a maniac so he had to speed up to 15MPH _under_ the speed limit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786/60 "2004-12-04T01:15:32Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Heck yeah **silenus**! With our pants pulled up to our arm pits, our suspenders, our rayon knit shirts and orthopedic shoes, they’ll tremble at our sight. We can even attach **boom boxes to our walkers and blast Lawrence Welk tunes in the parking lot at Denney’s**. > > WE’RE HERE! WE’RE SENILE! AND… UMMM… I FORGOT WHAT I WAS SAYING… While I was stopped at a light yesterday, a bast…basser pulled up beside me blasting away with the bass boom boom booming, and with his windows open, though it was cool out. I opened my windows and switched my patriotic cd to Kate Smith’s “God Bless America” at full blast. What a rush! He peeled out on the green. BTW, though the vhs/dvd ads for the movie, “This is the Army”, don’t mention it, it includes the 5-minute scene in which a young, chunky, Kate Smith introduces the Irving Berlin song to the world, on Veterans’ Day 1939, including its seldom heard introduction: "While storm clouds gather far across the sea let us swear allegiance to a land that’s free. Let us all be grateful for a land so fair as we raise our voices in a solemn prayer– God Bless America…" Her final tremolo(?) “…my home sweet home” almost cracked my windshield. In case any geezers may still be interested in this mild /hijack/, a young Ronald Reagan also appears in the film. Later, as president, he awarded Kate the Freedom Medal as she was confined to a Raleigh, NC, nursing home, shortly before her death. The song was cut from the 1917 military-themed stage production, “Yip, Yip, Yaphank”, but was then introduced for the “This is the Army” production, _circa_ 1940. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-now-an-official-geezer/277786.md?page=4)