# I Am Sick Of Coming Home At Night And Having To Deal With This! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 20, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502 "2003-10-20T12:53:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/21 "2003-10-20T15:21:01Z")
10th grade is about age fifteen, isn’t it? I recall (dimly) having more than an hour’s homework every night at that age … I begrudged every minute of it, but I did have it, and I did do it (mostly). ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/22 "2003-10-20T15:24:07Z")
My son works very hard. He maintains A and B grades in all his classes. I am proud of him. Yes the whining does prolong the homework session! I just see him working so hard in school for 8 hours and with his house chores and his part time job (which is just on weekends) I just don’t see enough “down time” from studying and special projects. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/23 "2003-10-20T15:26:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Steve Wright \* > \*\*10th grade is about age fifteen, isn’t it? I recall (dimly) having more than an hour’s homework every night at that age … I begrudged every minute of it, but I did have it, and I did do it (mostly). \*\* Same here, I’d have said about 1 to 2 hours every night, maybe 3-4 over the weekend. Looking back on it I’m glad of it. Classes are often not long enough to actually go into detail on topics, and only by working through problems yourself can you really gain an understanding of them. Add in the skills you develop in having to solve problems on your own, by reading through course books and notes, and I’d say homework is probably as important to learning as the time spent at school. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/24 "2003-10-20T15:27:23Z")
Have you considered giving him chores on weekends only? My son has no chores to do until after his homework is complete. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/25 "2003-10-20T15:31:50Z")
I think homework is essential in learning. The ratio of hours of homework to hours of classroom should increase gradually from 0 in kindergarden to at least 1 by the time you enter college and should be higher as you progress through college. As you grow older real learning is done much more effectively on your own. You need to practice what you learn in class. You need the experience of doing it on your own. If by the time you are finishing high school you have not learnt how to work and learn on your own then you are not well prepared for college. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/26 "2003-10-20T15:33:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JuanitaTech \* > \*\*Have you considered giving him chores on weekends only? My son has no chores to do until after his homework is complete. \*\* No I never gave it any thought. Everyone has their assigned jobs to keep the family moving. But thank you for the suggestion. That may be workable. ---
**Author:** ![lilbtagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@lilbtagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilbtagna)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/27 "2003-10-20T15:33:24Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever had less than an hour’s worth of homework since I was 13 or so. If your son is taking a bunch of Honors classes, you have to expect him to work harder than the kids in non-honors classes. Most of my homework was reinforcement for the day’s lesson. I think it’s unfair to blame the teacher for not having enough time in the classroom for students to do their work. The lecture could be planned to only take half the class, but there are always students who are unclear on the material and ask during the lecture, which prolongs it. I don’t know how others feel, but I’d much rather get a full lecture and do my work at home, instead of just muddling through everything by myself. This also prepared me well for college. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/28 "2003-10-20T15:51:05Z")
I think some people may be misunderstanding. **Isabelle** ’s suggesting an hour’s worth of homework per night is an **appropriate** amount, and that her son gets far more than that. ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/29 "2003-10-20T15:59:01Z")
Agreeing with everyone else here that honors students are in fact required to do more. Especially, ditto what **Gary Kumquat** said. Frankly, though I complained like everyone else about the amount of work required, I found it a lot more interesting ultimately than a lot of the lectures I got. I also think that it’s time your son rely less on you to help him accomplish his work. At some point he’ll have to figure things out on his own, and if that doesn’t happen until college he is in for a major blow to his self-esteem should the result be a failure to keep the kind of grades he’s accustomed to getting. You should encourage him to spend more time trying to work things out for himself before you agree to help him. A student tutor who has been through the class himself is also a good idea, but it should only be a once-a-week deal for review, again so your son gets used to working independently. He should also make a point of approaching his teachers directly. Mine were always willing to spend extra time with a student who was clearly trying. If still it’s too much… then perhaps your son should consider dropping one or two of his honors classes in favor of the regular class, so he is not so overwhelmed with work. At least suggest it to him… maybe the idea of dropping to a regular class (a “fall from grace” in the eyes of his friends?) will shock him just enough to be more motivated to work more on his own. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/30 "2003-10-20T15:59:52Z")
The part I don’t understand is why the large amount of homework is such a burden on **Isabelle** , as opposed to her son. I asked my parents questions about my homework very occasionally, but they certainly didn’t sit down and go over it all with me. If I had a class that they had never taken or that they couldn’t remember, I was out of luck asking them for help. **Isabelle** , if you want to really help your son with his homework, I suggest that you ask _him_ to explain the topic to you when he doesn’t understand, in detail if necessary. The exercise of “teaching” is itself a powerful teaching tool. But don’t go over homework that he thinks he understands just to “check” it - he’ll get appropriate feedback from his teachers for that. The griping I can’t help with, other than to say that I think that all 10th graders will find something to gripe about. At least if it’s homework, it’s not you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/31 "2003-10-20T16:03:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LaurAnge \* > \*\*I think some people may be misunderstanding. **Isabelle** ’s suggesting an hour’s worth of homework per night is an **appropriate** amount, and that her son gets far more than that. \*\* I agree that homework is beneficial. I just disagree with the amount my 10th grader receives. I think an hour is suitable. But then again he has maybe 8 classes…so an hour in each class a night? \ Nope not gonna happen. My 8th grader receives about an hours worth a night. He too maintains good grades. A’s and B’s. Granted he is not in Honors classes but I think he works just as hard. ---
**Author:** ![scotcho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@scotcho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotcho)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/32 "2003-10-20T16:16:16Z")
When I was in HS, I got a lot of homework. I didn’t mind so much the reading, or the studying for midterms. The thing that got me was when the teachers would give out a plethora of worksheets. They didn’t do anything for me - i would just look up the answers in the book without actually learning anything new. I don’t have a problem with homework as long as it’s meaningful and not just something to keep us busy. Scotcho ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/33 "2003-10-20T17:05:43Z")
My kid is in first grade–FIRST GRADE–and gets homework almost every night! I can’t believe it, but apparently “everyone else” thinks homework is such a great idea. Sometimes, it takes her five minutes, sometimes it takes her an hour. And it’s always due the next day–if your family has plans for the evening, forget it! When I was in elementary school, we didn’t get regular homework beyond studying spelling words until fourth grade. Even then, the homework was to finish what you could not in class, not all this extra busywork crap. Listen, I have ways of keeping my kid busy! And it all requires parental involvement, and no one told me I should buy a separate set of school supplies (scissors, glue, tape, etc.) for home. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s silly. My daughter, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to mind, unless, of course, her father’s yelling at her in the morning because she forgot to finish it :rolleyes:. She’s even forgotten it once, and, while her father was angry (he takes it very seriously), her teacher didn’t even care. I rarely asked my parents for help with my homework, especially in high school. After all, I was the one taking the class, not them. I also generally had study halls, etc. and opportunities to ask the teachers for help in class. Even then, I didn’t feel I had time for a job during the school year. Many people did, but, then again, I generally got better grades with my approach. College homework was much easier–less time wasted in class, less subjects to focus on, and more time to get it done! ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/34 "2003-10-20T17:28:25Z")
> [@](#): > > My kid is in first grade–FIRST GRADE–and gets homework almost every night! I can’t believe it, but apparently “everyone else” thinks homework is such a great idea. Sometimes, it takes her five minutes, sometimes it takes her an hour. And it’s always due the next day–if your family has plans for the evening, forget it! Was this in jest? ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/35 "2003-10-20T17:39:07Z")
Something that ticks me off is that my son takes on “extra credit projects” often and he waits until the last minute before getting my help. These projects usually are detailed and he needs things such as: Buying poster board Going to the library Buying other needed supplies Cooking projects Typed reports (which means I have to bring him to my office and hgour away) I am glad that he takes responsibility for the extra credits but come on!!! Don’t wait till the last minute. We have gone over this a million times and I can’t seem to get it thru his head!!! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/36 "2003-10-20T17:49:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Isabelle \* > \*\*Something that ticks me off is that my son takes on “extra credit projects” often and he waits until the last minute before getting my help. These projects usually are detailed and he needs things such as: > > Buying poster board > Going to the library > Buying other needed supplies > Cooking projects > Typed reports (which means I have to bring him to my office and hgour away) > > I am glad that he takes responsibility for the extra credits but come on!!! Don’t wait till the last minute. We have gone over this a million times and I can’t seem to get it thru his head!!! \*\* If I can make a suggestion. If your son keeps taking this extra work on, and you’ve told him not to put it off until the last minute, maybe it’s time for a teacher conference. It sounds like he needs either help with time management, or he needs to not take on so much extra work. In any event, homework helps teach discipline, initiative, time management, and reinforces skills taught in class. It sucks that he’s got so much now (although how much of it is assigned, and how much of it is extra credit?), but it’s not going to get easier when he gets to college. Robin ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/37 "2003-10-20T17:54:49Z")
**Isabelle,** some of what you’ve mentioned (like the last minute warnings about extra credit projects) seem to me to be perfect opportunities to drive home some lessons with your son about personal responsibility and taking the initiative. It’s cool, it’s all part of growing up - didn’t we all go through this stage at some point? HOWEVER, you can minimize your frustration and help him to recognize what he has to do by refusing to help him quite so much.\* He wants to do extra credit projects? That’s fabulous, but if he waits till the last minute AND expects you to help him get the work done that’s just silly. He either gets his act together in time or no extra credits… and after seeing you’re serious about that, he’ll hopefully start grabbing the bull by the horns . [sub]\*I get the impression from the threads where you mention your kids that you’re a loving mom who wants to give all she can. I really admire that, but you can also give kids something far greater by helping them to learn how to stand on their own two feet. 🙂 [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Killuminati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/50afbb/32.png) [@Killuminati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Killuminati)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/38 "2003-10-20T18:01:53Z")
I did not have hardly any homework in high school. Compared to College high school is a joke. Of course I’m from Mississippi and our educational standards may not be up to par. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/39 "2003-10-20T18:02:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*I get the impression from the threads where you mention your kids that you’re a loving mom who wants to give all she can. I really admire that, but you can also give kids something far greater by helping them to learn how to stand on their own two feet. What’s that saying…give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach the man to fish and he can eat for a lifetime? ---
**Author:** ![slu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/74df32/32.png) [@slu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slu)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502/40 "2003-10-20T18:13:38Z")
Am I the only one who didn’t have that much homework throughout school? I took AP and Honors classes and outside of Reading Novels / Stories and the occasional paper or two, I never had homework that couldn’t be finished up: on the bus ride to school, in homeroom, in study hall, or in the class before the one where it was due. It seemed like it was like that for everyone. I never heard of anyone spending 4 hours a day on homework/studying in high school. That is crazy. And it got easier at college since I didn’t have to be at school but 3 hours a day or so. I had tons of free time to study. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-sick-of-coming-home-at-night-and-having-to-deal-with-this/208502.md?page=3)