I am so immature.

I’ve had a bad week. My SO has been sick, and I couldn’t go see him. I had to move out of my cheap 3 bedroom apartment where I lived alone to a 3 bedroom house with 3 roommates, 5 cats, and a dog. None of my friends helped me move, except the SO’s little brother. But this is not a plea for attention, and I am not going to get whiny.

I’m just going to be silly. I have to be silly in order to get out of this funk.

So, I’m reading the new SPIN magazine, with the creepy picture of Moby on the cover. (Mesmerizing, yet he looks like a troll if you stare too long.) I flip through and see an ad for the new Mini. It has an ‘air freshener’ in plastic wrap, attached to the page with rubber cement. I take out the air freshener and stick it on my desk. Alas, the rubber cement is still on the page, so I have to peel it off in order to shut the magazine. I close the magazine, and sit there with a pile of stringy rubber cement.

What to do, what to do? I use a bit of it to attach the picture of the Mini to my screen. I’m still left with about 6 inches of this stuff, so I decided to take the immature route.

I snuck out to the receptionist’s desk. She has a large potted plant on the corner of her desk, so I hid behind it. She was mesmerized by her newspaper, so I peeped up over the desk. I made a really loud “ACHOOOOO!”, and let the rubber cement fly. She jumped, and turned her head. The pseudo-snot smacked onto the corner of her glasses, and stretched down to her cheek, and stuck. I almost wet my pants.

Luckily, she has a good sense of humor, so she only threw a stapler at me. Is this self-destructive behavior? Nah. Have I just entered myself into a war based solely on the fact that I’m in desperate need of silly time? Yup.

Am I scared to leave my office now? Definitely! :smiley:

At least it pulled you out of the funk! A little bit?
What’s a “Mini”?
And did you go see Quiet Riot?

Yes, what is a mini? I don’t think you are referring to the car, so I’m stumped.

Coincidently, in the industry we often call that glue stuff “Gorilla Snot”

I would have staked out your office door and blown a spit bubble at you as soon as you emerged. :smiley: Spit bubbles are your achilles heel, your kryptonite, your garlic – I know how weak-kneed and nauseated you get at the sight of them…perhaps I should give Jane a ringy-dingy? :stuck_out_tongue:

Gorilla snot also helps you hang onto guitar picks.

Gorillas, once endangered, are now a major economic force in the world. Thanks to the brilliant gorilla scientist Thomas “Koko” Edison Carver who, while suffering from allergies, discovered 373 uses for mucus.

Among the other uses for Gorilla snot -

  1. Aspic (Hormel, makers of SPAM, are very interested)
  2. Hollywood special effects (think Ghostbusters, Nickelodeon, and Keanu Reeves waking up from the Matrix…)
  3. Windshield anti-fogging treatment
  4. Aircraft de-icing
  5. Slip-and-slide lubricant for drought stricken areas
  6. and of course, as a mucus substitute for people whose bodies can’t produce mucus, or don’t produce enough (gorilla snot is pracitcally identical to human snot)

I’m sure there are more uses that I haven’t heard of…


By “Mini”, yes, I meant the car. They’re about to open a Mini dealership right down the highway from my house. I want one of these cars. I will own one, dangit! (And, yeah, sidle, I did go see Quiet Riot…and it was fun!)

Ahh. Gorilla Snot. My ex used to use that when playing his drums. I bought him some because I was tired of him dropping the sticks.

Now I have to think of creative ways to ‘get’ Jane without pissing her off or actually hurting her. She got me this morning, because she shot me with a rubber band. I already sent her an email with this link: - which basically has happy faces on it and sings “You are an idiot! Ha ha ha ha ha!” pretty loudly. Right now I’m trying to avoid her, because I’m waiting on her counter attack.

Anybody got any good suggestions?:smiley:

I think you should email me a photo of yourself naked.

I’m pretty sure that would cheese Jane off to no end.

Zebra, I don’t think you could handle it. And then it would be on my conscience, and that just wouldn’t do. :smiley:

So, really, what can I do to her? She doesn’t have a cubicle, so I can’t pack it with peanuts or anything when she’s not there. I know someone on here is good at stuff like this.

Stacking office chairs in the general vicinity of her desk to a height of about 6 feet serves the same purpose as the “peanuts” approach, but does not require the cubicle walls.

Good luck!

Ha ha. I would love to do that, but that would require blocking her in. I think the higher-ups would look down on me if I boxed the receptionist in. (She’s supposed to greet incoming patients.)

I need something underhanded, yet disturbing. I was thinking of putting a plastic snake in the plant on the corner of her desk, but I don’t want some snake-phobic patient freaking out. (I work in a psychiatric hospital.)

How about a mess of obnoxious happy face buttons, hiding them in various parts of her desk, so she’s turning those up for weeks? Or strange, cheap plastic wind-up toys, wound up and stuffed in her desk drawer? Packing peanuts filling up a desk drawer? Small post-it stuck to the bottom of her computer’s mouse so it doesn’t work?