# I am so sick of porn **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 21, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913 "2003-07-21T14:27:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/21 "2003-07-21T17:16:10Z")
OK: She hates porn. He likes porn. She hates it so much that she’s monitoring his computer usage to see how often he views it. (very attractive) He likes it so much that he’s beating off to it daily (thank God I read this After lunch) & trying to get her, someone who hates it, to watch when she doesn’t want to. People, can’t we break these two up and make the world a happier place…? Some where out there, there’s a girl who’ll watch porn with him & make him happy. In a perfect world where people get up off their asses, he should want to break up with the OP writer to be with her and not have to live a lie. Somewhere out there, there’s a guy with no desire at all to see porn or gratify himself to pictures or movies. In a perfect world where people get up off their asses, she should want to dump her BF and try to find him and be Happy for once in her life. Either way, both of you should try to find someone who suits your tastes & stop trying to Fuck Up the world for the rest of us… ---
**Author:** ![rodent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4bbf92/32.png) [@rodent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rodent)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/22 "2003-07-21T17:33:18Z")
For what it is worth, I think porn falls under the same category as any other addiction. In moderate amounts it can be stress relieving and even healthy. But at some point it becomes an addiction. If it interferes with the everyday normal life of a person it has gone too far. This seems to be the case in Delphinus’ example. Because it is an addiction, it is unlikely to be stopped on its own. Tell your boyfriend to seek counseling, if he doesn’t dump him as you would any other addict. ---
**Author:** ![TeaRoses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@TeaRoses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaRoses)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/23 "2003-07-21T17:44:15Z")
TMI but there is such a thing as the reverse situation. I (female) enjoy some porn (I guess it’s porn, even it it’s just drawings) such as Japanese anime doujinshi (fan comics) and my husband would rather not look at them. To me they’re cute, they involve the fan imagination about couples from real anime I like, to him it’s more of these characters than he would really like to see. We’ve had a few discussions about it and so far we seem to have come to an agreement about it Namely that I look at it, and occasionally ask him if he’s really sure he doesn’t want to have a peek. He’s really sure. This isn’t really that relevant, as the OPs problem seems to be that her boyfriend’s viewing is excessive (all night sounds more than a bit much to me too) but all the talk about the “shoe being on the other foot”, as if it’s impossible, made me feel like confessing. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/24 "2003-07-21T18:31:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TeaRoses \* > \*\*This isn’t really that relevant, as the OPs problem seems to be that her boyfriend’s viewing is excessive (all night sounds more than a bit much to me too) but all the talk about the “shoe being on the other foot”, as if it’s impossible, made me feel like confessing. \*\* …mmmmmmm… foot fetish porn… ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/25 "2003-07-21T18:35:49Z")
Methinks **Delphinus** should just get a new boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/26 "2003-07-21T19:10:46Z")
All night every night is just too much porn viewing. If the guy isn’t making time for Delphinus, she’s got a point. Some guys do get kinda overinvolved with porn. Did he start out that way? Maybe some counselling to see if they can come to some kind of compromise. Though it sounds like Delphinus hates porn in and of itself. Maybe she should read Ali Davis’ True Porn Clerk Stories blog to get some perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/27 "2003-07-21T19:29:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Delphinus \* > \*\*Now i wonder shoe on the other foot how many men could honestly say they wouldn’t mind their g/f or wife getting off constantly to these images? Then she comes in and tells you ‘oh i seen this on the all boy channel or i was watching these two sailors and …’ or ‘you know i can really appreciate a right well built arse on a guy these days’ you think you would start to get insecure? i think you would and i think that you would struggle to even comprehend such a situation because it is so not the norm. > \*\* The shoe is on the ‘other foot’ in my relationship. Sometimes my s.o. joins me to watch a video, sometimes he doesn’t. We have different sexual ‘needs’ you see, he needs sex a lot less frequently than I do, therefore he doesn’t mind if I play. _shrugs_ And I agree with Laura, the woman on woman stuff can be great! (Especially if there are handcuffs involved) 😃 As to your post as large, I can definitely feel your frustration and confusion, though I’m not sure if I understand the entire situation. One potential to this story is that he does have a problem. Does he have a sexual history with any negatives? Inability to relate to women, or inability to feel ‘worthy’ of sex with a real person, self doubts sexually? Does he have trouble with you sexually other than his porn habit? If so, _he_ needs to _want_ to look into his reasons for overusing porn, otherwise you are forcing him. Change happens best starting within ourselves. Then together you can open dialogue, work through this, maybe see a therapist together. Another possibility is that this is a problem between his sexuality not meeting your sexual ideals. Basically, you are right to have ideals for YOUR life, but that does not mean anyone else has to fall within that defined ‘right vs wrong’ sphere. Perhaps he feels constrained by the ‘porn is bad’ attitude in the household, and thus hides it? Hiding it of course removes the healthy and natural pleasure porn can bring and replaces it with fixation and feelings of self blame. But this may not be your situation. What I do think you should do, is to take some time to pamper yourself, to feel good and relieve stress. You are obviously feeling very upset about this. Go for a run to get rid of the nervous energy, take a long bath, sip a glass of wine and just don’t think about the situation for a day. You are a person separate from your relationship after all. 🙂 Then, pick a day in which you are feeling mellow and not stressed by other problems and try to talk to him in a comfortable setting. Try open communication about your feelings without quilting him, without making him feel like a bad person, without any generalizations about men. Maybe if you can figure out ‘why so much porn’, the ‘porn’ won’t be as much of a problem? Best wishes, and _hug_ ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/28 "2003-07-21T19:44:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Confused about my ramblings? Actually, yes. Your lack of capitalization and rambling sentences made me give up. I tried. Mmmmmmmm. porn. MORE! ---
**Author:** ![RoundGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/90ced4/32.png) [@RoundGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoundGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/29 "2003-07-22T01:47:49Z")
Damn it! Learn how to fucking write before posting. It’s I, not i. I,I,I,I,I,I. And quit hitting your goddamn ‘enter’ key if you’re not going to start a new paragraph. Stupid ass fucking third grade pieces of @(#\* (#\*\*) )#)@ Ok. Now, what the fuck is your post about anyway… ---
**Author:** ![macabresoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@macabresoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/macabresoul)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/30 "2003-07-22T04:30:27Z")
I think your problem is you’re hating the game not the player. He has an addictive personality, you said it… that pretty much means if it’s not one thing it’s another. It’s not porn that’s the problem here and I think underneath it all you know that. It’s your boyfriend that’s the problem. Don’t be like the asswipes in Washington who blame the computer game industry for the assholes who shoot up schools. People need to start taking some fuckin’ responsibility, not this blame blame blame BS. So let your boyfriend take responsibility, don’t make excuses for him, which is basically what you’re doing. OK sorry for the tangent, I’m done. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/31 "2003-07-22T05:06:48Z")
> [@](#): > > i don’t want to accept it just because todays society forces it down my throat. huhuhuhuhuhuh… No, seriously, I don’t especially like pr0n, and am also sort of sick of seeing all these adverSPAMtisements for it (adult store/club ad’s IRL aren’t too amusing, either.) On the other hand, I can see a situation where I might want it, so I guess a perceived violation of my desire to not be around smut is balanced by the fact that I’ll know where it’s at when I do, eh? 😃 But w/r/t your situation, what they said…carry on 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Paco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Paco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paco)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/32 "2003-07-22T05:53:11Z")
> [@](#): > > i think men are in general selfish in their pursuit of lustful pleasures. be it going to lap dancing bars to jacking off to porn or fucking other women. I think women can be just as selfish. Men may look to beauty and sex to fill their desires; whereas, I think many women look for wealth or status to fill their desires. Just the other day I heard an advertisement for for a dating service for women where the men were all professionals (i,e, doctors, lawyers, etc) The same one for a man would describe hot women. Isn’t this essentially the same thing? ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/33 "2003-07-22T06:04:16Z")
I definitely think there’s a problem with the relationship, possibly major intimacy issues. This porn thing could be a sexual outlet for her husband. The thing I noticed about the OP is it doesn’t mention any willingness to comprimise or seek help. There are only demands. Also, an ‘excessive’ amount of porn has a lot to do with how much it gets in the way of day to day life- looking at it every day doesn’t neccesarily equate to an addiction or an excess. This thread reminds me a lot of angry girlfriends who call up Loveline and rant to Adam/Dr. Drew about how their husbands still jack off while they are in a relationship-the concept of masturbation to them is unacceptable in a relationship. Methinks there are some serious control issues at work here as well… ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/34 "2003-07-22T08:05:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LauraLittlePony \* > “I’ve found pubic hair a good litmus strip on whether guys are addicted to pr0n or not. I’ve found that 100% of guys who hate pubic hair with a passion are pr0n addicts to an unhealthy degree.” > > I hate pubic hair with a passion. Pubic hair does not happen on this body. I prefer to be with women without pubic hair, or with tamed pubic hair. Or it might be a litmus test of exposure to Middle Eastern mores… BTW, what is it with this bizarre spelling of “porn” - is it more of this chat-speak crap? And I will add my voice to the vote that porn seems to be symptom here, of what is clearly a dysfunctional relationship. Where the dysfunction resides, of course, is impossible to tell. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/35 "2003-07-22T08:09:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Warrior Slashclaw \* > \*\*I think it sounds like she’s sick and tired of being ignored by her boyfriend, which I think is a legitimate and rant worthy concern. Even if her boyfriend says he loves her, if he’s constantly going somewhere else to get his rocks off, I think that sends a negative message. \*\* I think what it might say is: “This is all about me, because I want some time by myself.” Not every orgasm or sexual desire needs to be expressed with another person. If my ex hadn’t been jerking off by himself once in awhile, I’d have wondered what was wrong with him. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/36 "2003-07-22T08:21:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dre2xl \* > \*\*My dad, a high school psychologist, has told me of how he sees teenage boys who literally cannot find any girl attractive, because of, well, too much porn. One of my best friends confided to me that he cannot find any real woman attractive–he only gets off at Japanese anime women (hentai). > > \*\* And do you and your dad believe that these folks wouldn’t be nimrods in a world without porn??? They are idiots. Let’s not blame their idiocy on porn, m’kay? Anyhoo, I was surprised to see this in the rant: > [@](#): > > i am not a complete prude. _a bit of porn now and then doesn’t hurt anyone_ but i think its cause **he** seems to do it all the time and to let you understand he has a very overbearing addictive personality so it doesn’t matter what he is into he always kicks the arse out of it. Bolding mine. Maybe soon the OP will realize her problem was not porn, but a doofus BF. ---
**Author:** ![Tarantula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tarantula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantula)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/37 "2003-07-22T09:30:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Collounsbury \* > **BTW, what is it with this bizarre spelling of “porn” - is it more of this chat-speak crap?** “pr0n” is just used as a way of getting the word “porn” passed firewalls and such. Same as “s3x” and “sh1t”… I think they swapped the “r” and the “0” because “p0rn” was too common and firewall rules were changed to recognize it. Anyhoo, it’s all pretty much moot unless you’re writing and email. Which we’re not. So, good question. ---
**Author:** ![Tarantula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tarantula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantula)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/38 "2003-07-22T09:33:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Collounsbury \* > **BTW, what is it with this bizarre spelling of “porn” - is it more of this chat-speak crap?** “pr0n” is just used as a way of getting the word “porn” past firewalls and such. Same as “s3x” and “sh1t”… I think they swapped the “r” and the “0” because “p0rn” was too common and firewall rules were changed to recognize it. Anyhoo, it’s all pretty much moot unless you’re writing and email. Which we’re not. So, good question. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/39 "2003-07-22T09:49:10Z")
Ah, I see. Well, it’s a stupid usage for a message board. ---
**Author:** ![Tarantula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e274bd/32.png) [@Tarantula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarantula)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2003, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913/40 "2003-07-22T10:33:35Z")
Agreed. Some people, huh ? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-so-sick-of-porn/189913.md?page=3)