# I am the very model of a modern Libertarian **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 3, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291 "2000-06-03T15:46:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/21 "2000-06-06T18:54:28Z")
**Kimstu** and **Gilligan** those were awesome. Brava! Bravo! Brava! Encore! “ **xeno** never amounted to much, but at least he married well.” ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/22 "2000-06-06T19:48:16Z")
holishit. holy shit. \*Holy Shit. \*\*Holy Shit! HOOOOOOOO LEEEEEEEEEEE SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!\*\*\* Those are incredible. **kimstu** , **Gilligan** , do you take requests? How about something from [A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum](http://www.imagi-nation.com/moonstruck/albums/albm24.htm)? Maybe about… oh I don’t know… legalization of pot? (You could use “Free!”, no?) ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/23 "2000-06-06T20:13:15Z")
Amazing. Great. More fun then I’ve had in weeks. Kimstu and Gilligan, you guys are wonderfull. ---
**Author:** ![Iolanthe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7bcc69/32.png) [@Iolanthe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iolanthe)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/24 "2000-06-06T21:55:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Anything for you, **Iolanthe** honey, but skip the part about bearing my little ones—God made Adam and Eve, ya know, not Eve and Pat! 🙂 Speaking of which, I decided to pick on the creationists this go-round, so enjoy. (But this is it for now, okay kids? You get out and play in the sunshine.) > > Kimstu > \*\* (snip glorious writing.) Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Hell, bugger me voraciously with a howitzer. You actually went and did it, less than 24 hrs after I asked. My awe has deepened, and if we can have a Prom Queen, then we can have a Parody Laureate (and I’m dubbing you it. Gilligan can have the other crown.) You’ve earned a rest, of course. But when you’re ready (or anyone who’s feeling tough,) then here’s my uber-challenge: “Society Has Quite Forsaken All Her Wicked Courses” from Utopia, Limited. Do this, and I’ll have to sacrifice something (I suspect it might be exercise, but we’ll find out. Or I could hunt down a troll or two.) (By the way, this Pat who is the Steve equivalent, is she related to Pat-the-Bunny?) And **Picmr** you semi-carnal-wankel-rotary-engine, Policemen’s Lot is from _Pirates_, not Pinafore. Still, you know Cox & Box, so we don’t have to mercy kill you yet. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/25 "2000-06-06T22:22:30Z")
Wow, Kim, absolutely perfect. I am in awe, I can’t believe you took on creationism. Please include me in your harem, there’s always room for one more. Thanks, everyone. :: _holds out hat_ :: Something for sdimbert; this is the only song I know from _Forum_. You would pick one of the shows I haven’t played. Someone offensive, Someone defensive, Something for everyone A BBQ tonight! Something malicious, Something fictitious, Something for everyone A BBQ tonight! Nothing with facts, No one patrols; Bring on the sock puppets, liars, and trolls! Old posters bitching, Newbies just itching, No one portentous or polite; MPSIMS tomorrow, BBQ tonight! Something ‘bout belching, Something ‘bout felching, Something for everyone A BBQ tonight! Dead horses beaten Posters called cretin Something for everyone A BBQ tonight! Nothing with Guns, Abortion or State, The Great Debates will just have to wait! Nothing that’s formal, No one that’s normal, No reason to avoid the fight! No General Questions, BBQ tonight! ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2000, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/26 "2000-06-06T23:42:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Something for sdimbert; this is the only song I know from _Forum_. > \*\* **Gilligan** , omigod. I simply can’t believe that you can crank these things out so fast… that is awesome. :shakingheadindisbelief: wow. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/27 "2000-06-07T00:17:30Z")
Kinstu, Gilligan: most entertaining thread I’ve read to date!! Un-believable talent! You guys NEED to do something on a regular basis, it’s just too good. I’ll put something in here, not anywhere near to what the two of you have done, just a newbie itching to contribute. (Please hold the tomatoes, I’m doin’ my best!) Imagine Al Gore and George Bush on stage, straw (campaign) hats in hand, dancing and singing for your vote in a vaudeville act!( pick an appropriate up-beat tune) Al and George want your Vote! A: My name is Al, I’m your best Pal! G: My Name is George, the future I’ll forge! A: I’ll bring you Green as never seen. G: I’ll dig for oil, forget the soil. A: I’ve no respect for these red necks. (music stops) G: Hey, who you callin’ a red neck? (music starts) Together: I want the vote for President, from each and every resident. I’ll give you all you’ve ever dreamed and mooooooore, Just vote for me and you will see a world Like neeeeeeeveeeeeerrrr, before. G: I’ll teach your sons to handle guns. A: I’ll make all guns prohibited. G: I’ll fix the schools A: I’ll make more rules G: I’ll make your taxes limited! A: I’d like to make air really clean! G: I want to stop all that’s obscene! (music stops) A: Hey, why’ja hafta bring Bill into this? (music starts) Together: I want the vote for President, from each and every resident. I’ll give you all you’ve ever dreamed and mooooore, Just vote for me and you will see a world Like neeeeeeeveeeeeerrrr, before. (music stops, they speak slowly, passionately) A: I invented the Internet for all people. G: I brought Texas Pride. A: I wrote the New Testament! G: You? All you ever wrote was a note to Bill to stop embarrassing himself! A: You skipped the draft! G: You dirty rat! A: He Did Cocaine! G: The Man’s Insane! A: He’s done nothing original! G: Oh yeah, well I’ve decided on a new stand AGAINST immigration, starting with my home state - Read My Lips, No New Texans! (music starts) Together: We want the vote for President, weather or not you’re a resident. we promise to improve, all things that stand or move! Just vote for us and you will seeeeeeeeeeee, How prosperous we all can be! ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/28 "2000-06-07T00:20:26Z")
::slapping my own hand:: Kimstu, I meant Kimstu. Got to excited… Sili ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/29 "2000-06-07T00:49:56Z")
I am in awe. I am not worthy to touch the hem of your garments. I must have read this thread 8 times. I keep getting drawn back. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/30 "2000-06-07T14:10:02Z")
_Sigh_…I can resist anything but a compliment…but **Gilligan** , this is _creepy_ that our thoughts took basically the same direction here. This one’s for you **picmr** —as **Iolanthe** noted, [the original](http://diamond.idbsu.edu/gas/pirates/html/p24.html) is from Penzance and not Pinafore. (But this is the **last one** and this time **I mean it** —I can’t go on just ignoring the dirty dishes.) Kimstu trophy wife (and mystic channeler) of **Gilligan** (I never dreamed I’d marry a libertarian, but I guess some things are more important than politics!) 🙂 When a Poster’s Not Composing an Oration by **Kimstu** _[manhattan:]_ When a poster’s not composing an oration _(an oration)_ Or denouncing what another poster’s done, _(poster’s done)_ _[TubaDiva:]_ They are usually expressing indignation _(indignation)_ About the way the message board is run; _(board is run)_ _[Lynn Bodoni:]_ Now they howl that we are needlessly repressive, _(-ly repressive)_ _[Alphagene:]_ Now we’re letting trolls and puppets run amok— _(run amok)_ _[TubaDiva:]_ Ah, although the phrase may seem a bit excessive, _(bit excessive)_ A moderator’s lot can really suck! _[All:]_ When you feel you’ve been run over by a truck, by a truck, Oh, a moderator’s lot can really suck! _[Gaudere:]_ They will whine that mods are being too abrasive _(too abrasive)_ _[David B:]_ When we candidly explain their logic stinks; _(logic stinks)_ _[CKDextHavn:]_ They complain that Cecil’s answers are evasive, _(are evasive)_ _[Arnold Winkelreid:]_ And they constantly forget to put in links! _(put in links)_ _[slythe:]_ They make passes at us right here on the b-board, _(on the b-board)_ _[Eutychus55:]_ They explode in outrage when the server’s stuck: _(server’s stuck)_ _[UncleBeer:]_ Do these people have a life beyond the keyboard?! _(-yond the keyboard)_ Oh, a moderator’s lot can really suck! _[All:]_ And what’s more, it doesn’t even make a buck, make a buck, Oh, a moderator’s lot can really suck! ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/31 "2000-06-07T15:43:53Z")
You are a dead-set legend **Kimstu**. This is a lay-down misere for threadspotting. Thanks. picmr ---
**Author:** ![Iolanthe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7bcc69/32.png) [@Iolanthe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iolanthe)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/32 "2000-06-07T21:45:15Z")
Well. My brain is fried after a long day, so my well of compliments has dried up. But Gilligan & Kimstu, take everything positive said about you here, and multiply it by twenty. There’s my admiration of y’all (or all I’m capable of right now.) Oh, and I especially loved “Something 'bout belching, Something 'bout felching” and “And they constantly forget to put in links (put in links.)” ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/33 "2000-06-07T22:45:18Z")
**Kimstu** and **Gilligan** : Can I share your songs with people not on the SDMB? I have a non-internet-savvy friend with whom I love to discuss politics. He would love your song about Libertarians - may I print a copy out for him? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/34 "2000-06-07T22:49:38Z")
Mad Magazine once did a pot one to the tune of “Stout Hearted Men.” It began: Give me some men Who are pot smoking men Who will puff on the stuff they adore Start me with ten Who are pot smoking men And I’ll soon give you 10 000 more… ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/35 "2000-06-08T00:45:46Z")
Kim: As if you hadn’t won my heart already, you give us that last masterpiece, _and_ reveal that you’re a historian of mathematics. What more could I ask for? “Sweet Analytics, 'tis thou hast ravished me.” Sdimbert: Feel free to show anything I’ve written to anyone you like, and thanks. tradesilicon: Great work, others should join in. The more the merrier. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/36 "2000-06-08T15:25:35Z")
> [@](#): > > “Sweet Analytics, 'tis thou hast ravished me.” _Bene disserere est finis logices_—so naturally we end up swapping parodies in the Pit! (I have been humming “Bring on the sock puppets, liars, and trolls” all morning—thanks a lot! :)) You go, **sili**! And of course I don’t object to having my stuff shown around—information wants to be free, eh? especially if it makes people laugh. Thanks, Kimstu ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/37 "2000-06-08T20:55:04Z")
G&S oughta be gyrating in their graves right about now… Here’s one to the tune of “Oh, Better Far to Live and Die” Oh better far to post a rant Using a brand new name they grant Than play a splenetic, contentious role With a head full of bunk and the heart of a troll. Away to other boards go some Where they can post a higher sum, But I will stay and make my goal To be the tolerable ‘Reformed Troll.’ For I am a Reformed Troll! And it is, it is a talented role To be a Reformed Troll. For I am a Reformed Troll! _You are! Hurrah for the Reformed Troll!_ And it’s quite a task for a cynical soul To be a Reformed Troll! _It is! Hurrah for the Reformed Troll! Let’s humor the Reformed Troll!_ When I venture posts in another’s thread -My reformation duly plead- I often fail to help my case By proving lack of social grace. But many established Dopers cast, When they post replies to _my_ bombast, Aspersions, jeers; such emnity As never you would hear from me! For I am a Reformed Troll! And it is, it is such a talented role To be a Reformed Troll. For I am a Reformed Troll! _You are! Another Reformed Troll!_ And it is an almost magical role To be a Reformed Troll! _It is! Hurrah for the Reformed Troll! He’s a magical Reformed Troll!_ ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/38 "2000-06-08T21:32:32Z")
**xeno** , you rock!! More! more! Kimstu ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2000, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/39 "2000-06-08T23:43:12Z")
Kimstu and Gilligan, My eternal thanks; to be acknowledged by the two of you (who I hold most talented) is truly making my day! That, and the fact that I had a series of tests on the ticker, and all came out well. Huuurrraaaaahhh!! Xeno, this is just too much fun! (To the Tune of Phantom of the Opera) You ‘post reply’ to me, and make my day. Most talented are thee, far and away! Inside this message board, I’m lost in time The POOOOEEEEETS of SDMB are here, inside my mind. Sili ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/40 "2000-06-09T01:51:14Z")
With more apologies to G&S, here’s another ripoff from ‘Pirates of Penzance’ (“Oh Men of Dark and Dismal Fate”) **Cast of Characters** Major Pain (a poster in Great Debates) Moderator 1 (suspiciously like David B.) Moderator 2 (suspiciously like Gaudere) Sympathetic poster Other Posters **[Major]** Oh Moderators stern and dour Forbear from your intent, Allow my references poor To stand without relent. **[Mods]** You’ll not repent? **[Major]** Without relent! **[Posters]** His facts he does invent! **[Major]** These studies that I cite I cannot link to let you see. **[Posters]** You’d better! **[Major]** I’d like to stay and fight, But on-line time just isn’t free. **[Posters]** You’d better! **[Major]** In fairness, if you will, You’d trust my good intent. My web access is nil! My points are valid still! And the sad thing is my references are spent. **[Posters]** You nutter! Your relevance is nil! Your references frill! And the sad, sad thing is you never will repent. **[Mod2]** You’ll not repent? **[Mod1]** I’ll have to vent! **[Mods]** Your posts are full of swill! **[Mod1]** Your posts I’d like to kill! **[Mods]** And the sure thing is you’ll never read our vent **[Posters]** You’d better! **[Major]** (aside) I’m making a bogus citation But it doesn’t diminish my station! For they wouldn’t have bought my rebuttal Without my citing a reference subtle. So I cited a harmless invention Which seemed to support my contention, And thus I deserve an ovation For showing this faux correlation! **[Posters]** (aside) He’s making a bogus citation And it surely detracts from his station; So we’ll never believe his rebuttal Even if his intentions are subtle. So his reference is just an invention And it’s caused some remarkable tension. We’re going to show indignation If he keeps up this horrid oration! **[Mods]** (aside) He’s making a bogus citation And it’s going to cause aggravation, So his obviously specious rebuttal The rest of the posters will scuttle. Since his foolish convenient invention Shows a lack of respect for convention We’ll applaud his humiliation When he suffers his repudiation! **[Mod1]** Although we like to join In fighting ignorance where’er it’s hiding We like to think our coin Is moderate persuasive chiding. Although our cause is just And guided by our benefactor, We know that Cecil’s thrust Would never make him fun’s detractor. **[All]** Great fun, this SDMB! It’s fun to fight ingnorance with glee! Hail to Gaudere and David B! Oh wonderful board, we sing of thee! **[Mod1]** We’ll let this slide, for our aim is friendly; your posts are merely fodder So join the fray, but watch your step; you may be led to slaughter! **[Mod2]** And you really should repent! **[Posters]** You bet! You really should repent! **[Major]** But it sometimes is a useful thing, My references to invent! **[Posters]** You nut! You really must relent! **[All]** Oh lack’a’day, this foolish fray Will go on ad infinitum. Unless by chance this wand’ring one Gets lost before we smite him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291.md?page=3)