# I am the very model of a modern Libertarian **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 3, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291 "2000-06-03T15:46:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/41 "2000-06-10T21:20:24Z")
What can I say? I love it. (Psssst, I’m very curious: which thread is this?) Kimstu (noting that we’ll have to cut the Parodist Laureate bay wreath into three or four pieces…) ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/42 "2000-06-10T22:03:48Z")
Thanks, **Kimstu** , I thought I might’ve killed the thread with that one! (Oh, and pick almost any creation vs. evolution thread and you’ll find the Major posting away.) Keep that wreath in one piece; I’m not in the same league with you and **Gilligan**. ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/43 "2000-06-15T22:46:41Z")
My, oh, my. This is indeed more fun than people should be allowed to have in the BBQ Pit. After all, when’s the last time someone wrote an operetta while grilling steaks? True creativity has a way of overwhelming me. I’m just stunned that this stuff just pours out of some people’s heads, and I can barely string two paragraphs together. [Case in point: total lack of witty segue between thoughts in this post.] I don’t want to impose, but have you geniuses of farce started working on a homeopathy song yet? ---
**Author:** ![filthy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@filthy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filthy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/44 "2000-06-16T13:15:41Z")
…but damned if I can figger out how! GREAT!! filthy ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/45 "2000-06-16T13:54:56Z")
Y’know, I thought my “Oil Gets in the Smoke” song was pretty damn clever for 5 minutes’ work, and here I come in to a whole thread of G&S parodies about life on the SDMB… I don’t know whether to swear at the two of you or bown down in abject admiration for such skill. Hell, why not do both? [groveling] I am not WORTHY, you filthy rotten, oh-so-very-lucky bastards!!! [/groveling] Congratulations on some bloody fine work! :walks off, humming “A moderator’s lot can really suck”: ---
**Author:** ![jayron\_32](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/41988e/32.png) [@jayron\_32](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayron_32)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/46 "2000-06-16T14:34:06Z")
As a libertarian myself, I must say that I LOVED Kimtsu little tribute to Gilbert and Sullivan. Utterly brilliant. And mad props to anyone else who came up with songs as well. You have far more talent than I (which is not to hard, I must admit). ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/47 "2000-06-16T16:34:10Z")
> [@](#): > > _I don’t want to impose, but have you geniuses of farce started working on a homeopathy song yet?_ Well, **Saltire** , while we’re waiting for the geniuses, here’s my effort… Pour, Squand’ring One by **xenophon41** **[Homeopathic Practitioner, admonishing pharmacist:]** Pour, squand’ring one! This tincture’s worth shall grow! Dilute it then, One part in ten; Succussion strengthens the run. Pour, squand’ring one! Each pass grows more robust! No parts remain To weaken the strain: It’s healing power we trust! **[Pharmacist]** No parts! Nothing is free! Take it yourself; not me! **[HP]** No parts, healing is done! Take any part — take none! **[Pharmacistt]** No parts! Nothing is free! Take it yourself; not me! **[HP]** Take part, healing is done; Take any part — take none! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Poor pond’ring dun; Your drugs can ne’er contain True strength to cure; But 10x is sure! Pour, squand’ring one! Pour, squand’ring one! Strength grows with every hour– Dilute some more, Efficacy soars, Molecules vibrate with pow’r. **[Pharmacist]** No parts! Nothing is free! Take it yourself; not me! **[HP]** No parts, healing is done! Take any part — take none! ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/48 "2000-06-16T17:31:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Pour, squand’ring one! > Strength grows with every hour– > Dilute some more, > Efficacy soars, > Molecules vibrate with pow’r. On this basis the thread grows still weaker. ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/49 "2000-06-16T17:50:30Z")
Well, I’m sure glad I arrived in here late as opposed to never. Absolutely brilliant stuff all of you. I enjoyed this thread very much. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/50 "2000-06-16T17:58:58Z")
WOO HOOO! We made Threadspotting! _pops nonalcoholic champagne_ ---
**Author:** ![Tally-Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@Tally-Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tally-Ho)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/51 "2000-06-16T21:16:39Z")
Kimstu, Gilligan, xenophon41, and tradesilicon… OH MY GOD!!! I am in **awe**! (and since this is in the Pit) You _fucking_ ROCK. All of you! Chrisbar ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/52 "2000-06-16T23:04:10Z")
G&S: _A British Tar_, H.M.S. Pinafore Derleth: _A Communist_ (This one’s for you, matt) A Communist has a theory grand, With respect to Lenin and Ma-arx. His pretty, pretty thoughts will never be denied so real life is farce. His purse should open and his arms should work To support the lesure of some idiotic jerk. His work is owned by the state most grand And for his rights he shall never, ever stand. CHORUS: His purse should open, etc. His eyes should look only to _Pravda_ To get the entire tru-uth. He always should turn 'round at any little sound And have no choice at the voting booth. His life shall be to never once think. To the outside world _Pravda_’s his link. His eyes cast down and he never is rude And this shall be his customary attitude. CHORUS: His eyes should look, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/53 "2000-06-17T05:00:42Z")
Ditto to everyone. Fantastic stuff. This is a talent I simply do not have and cannot understand in others. Reminds me of a thread I was in back in the good old days of AOL ~2.0 or thereabouts. For a while, there, we had a great thread going with ideas for Star Trek - The Musical. I wish I’d saved some of those songs, especially Worf’s Love Song. They were great. So, OK, there’s another challenge for anyone that cares to take it up. I realize that going from G&S to STTNG is a major step downward culturally, but hey, this is the Pit, after all. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/54 "2000-06-17T06:57:43Z")
Derleth: Why is that one for me? It’s very good, I just don’t see the connection to me. ---
**Author:** ![Redneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac8455/32.png) [@Redneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redneck)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/55 "2000-06-17T22:50:47Z")
Okay, having been pointed out to your efforts by a friend of mine, I’m going to essay a -tough- one. I hope the formatting works… In trio, to the tune or Fugue for Tinhorns from Guys & Dolls: Liberal Conservative Libertarian I got a plan right here, The nation need not fear, Gonna grow the economy for the fiscal year, Socialize, Socialize, The economy must be socialized, For a fair system we tries, Socialize, Socialize, Socialize. Socialize, This market’s tough and cruel, Socialize, We need to give it fuel, The economy must be Some payouts for socialized, business is the perfect tool, For a fair system Subsidize, I say just let it we tries, ride. Socialize, Subsidize. We used to take such pride Socialize. The best plan is one In living in the to subsidize, country where the free reside, The world is so It’s only just and Laissez-faire, unfair, wise, Don’t you people Subsidize, Laissez-faire. care? We need to give the Subsidize. Just let it go people some laissez-faire. social Welfare, Entitlements, Just you listen to And let the buyer me, always beware, Entitlements. Our whole economy Laissez-faire, The poor deserve Will grow if we ease Laissez-faire. entitlements. the burden on the wealthy. It’s a concept Tax breaks, And if I might heaven-sent, Entitlements, Tax breaks, Ask where you got the right, Entitlements. My plan says we need 'Cause against all tax breaks, these taxes I plan to fight, And here’s a news To free up the Tax is theft, flash, capital it takes, The system cannot Tax breaks, Tax is theft. crash, The rich will pay Tax breaks. Morally all taxes for it with are theft. their stolen cash, Socialize, Why do you frown Plus they leave the middle class bereft, Socialize. On the boys uptown? Tax is theft. It’s not fair Don’t you know the Tax is theft. unless we money will socialize, trickle down, One day we will Subsidize, So keep the market all socialize, free Socialize, Subsidize. The way that it should be, Socialize. Our economy must be It’ll solve every subsidized. problem there could ever be! Socialize! Subsidize! Laissez-faire! I got the PLAN RIGHT HEEEEERE!!! Redneck ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/56 "2000-06-18T01:28:52Z")
**matt:** When I read your economic theory, I see Marx written all over it. How about this one: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=25681](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=25681) If that isn’t Socialism (which is the end Marx wanted to achieve via Communist Revolutions) nothing is. ---
**Author:** ![Redneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac8455/32.png) [@Redneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redneck)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/57 "2000-06-18T02:11:18Z")
Cruddy interface yanked the excess space marks. I’ll try again: In trio, to the tune or Fugue for Tinhorns from Guys & Dolls: FUGUE FOR IDEOLOGUES Liberal-------------Conservative------------Libertarian I got a plan right here, The nation need not fear, Gonna grow the economy for the fiscal year, Socialize, Socialize, The economy must be socialized, For a fair system we tries, Socialize, Socialize, Socialize. Socialize,--------- This market’s tough -------------------- and cruel, Socialize,--------- We need to give it -------------------- fuel, The economy must be Some payouts for socialized,-------- business is the -------------------- perfect tool, For a fair system - Subsidize, --------- I say just let it we tries, ------------------------------ ride. Socialize, -------- Subsidize. --------- We used to take ----------------------------------------- such pride Socialize. -------- The best plan is one In living in the -------------------- to subsidize, ------ country where ----------------------------------------- the free reside, The world is so — It’s only just and - Laissez-faire, unfair, ----------- wise, Don’t you people – Subsidize, --------- Laissez-faire. care? We need to give the Subsidize. --------- Just let it go people some ---------------------------- laissez-faire. social Welfare, Entitlements, ----- Just you listen to - And let the buyer -------------------- me, ---------------- always beware, Entitlements. ----- Our whole economy – Laissez-faire, The poor deserve – Will grow if we ease Laissez-faire. entitlements. ----- the burden on the ------------------- wealthy. It’s a concept ---- Tax breaks, -------- And if I might heaven-sent, Entitlements, ----- Tax breaks, -------- Ask where you got ----------------------------------------- the right, Entitlements. ----- My plan says we need 'Cause against all -------------------- tax breaks, -------- these taxes I ----------------------------------------- plan to fight, And here’s a news - To free up the ----- Tax is theft, flash, ------------ capital it takes, The system cannot - Tax breaks, -------- Tax is theft. crash, The rich will pay - Tax breaks. -------- Morally all taxes for it with ---------------------------- are theft. their stolen cash, Socialize, -------- Why do you frown — Plus they leave the ----------------------------------------- middle class ----------------------------------------- bereft, Socialize. -------- On the boys uptown?- Tax is theft. It’s not fair ----- Don’t you know the - Tax is theft. unless we ---------- money will socialize, --------- trickle down, One day we will — Subsidize, --------- So keep the market all socialize, ------------------------- free Socialize, -------- Subsidize. --------- The way that it ----------------------------------------- should be, Socialize. -------- Our economy must be- It’ll solve every -------------------- subsidized. -------- problem there ----------------------------------------- could ever be! Socialize! --------------------Subsidize! ------------------------------------------Laissez-faire! I got the PLAN RIGHT HEEEEERE!!! Redneck ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/58 "2000-06-18T12:03:46Z")
**Redneck** , formatting problems or not, that was excellent! Yours too, **Derleth**. (You _are_ kind of a commie, **matt** , but don’t worry; the meek little pinko in the song doesn’t resemble you in any way!) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/59 "2000-06-18T12:30:37Z")
I am not a communist; I am a social democrat. If clarification is required, compare the economic, political, and social systems of the Soviet Union and Denmark, respectively. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2000, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291/60 "2000-06-18T12:43:45Z")
I’m teasing, **matt**. But this IS a Pit thread, ya commie symp. \<_runs away cackling madly_\> [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-very-model-of-a-modern-libertarian/21291.md?page=4)