# I am the world's best driver **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 26, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479 "2007-06-26T15:58:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/1 "2007-06-26T15:58:16Z")
No really. The rest of you morons and idiots please get off the road. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/2 "2007-06-26T16:09:14Z")
Sorry to inform you, but you’re actually the world’s _second_ best driver. Get it right – I’m the best, you’re in second. Tied for second, actually. With everyone else. Now get the hell out my way! Can’t you see I’m driving, eating a sandwich and talking on my cell over here?? ---
**Author:** ![Like\_Fry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@Like\_Fry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Like_Fry)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/3 "2007-06-26T16:30:29Z")
Can I be the worst? Fry ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/4 "2007-06-26T16:53:59Z")
[QUOTE=Like Fry] Can I be the worst? [/QUOTE] Nope, that would be me…Wait a minute, are you from Mississippi? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/5 "2007-06-26T17:00:57Z")
> [@](#): > > by Leaffan \* No really. The rest of you morons and idiots please get off the road.\* Okay. You know the best thing about driving on sidewalks…there are no speed limits. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/6 "2007-06-26T17:11:15Z")
I can hit my drives 600 yards…on a sidewalk. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/7 "2007-06-26T18:43:59Z")
Hmmm, everyone that drives slower than me is wasting their time, and everyone that drives faster than me is a maniac, so I think I must be in the top 5 drivers at the very minimum. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/8 "2007-06-26T18:50:04Z")
_waits patiently on the bus, reading a book_ ---
**Author:** ![DustyButt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc348/32.png) [@DustyButt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DustyButt)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/9 "2007-06-26T18:50:43Z")
The problem with being crowned the world’s worst driver is that it’s awarded posthumously! ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/10 "2007-06-26T19:40:48Z")
Stop typing on the intarwub and pay attention to the road! ---
**Author:** ![Zambini57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4491bb/32.png) [@Zambini57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zambini57)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/11 "2007-06-26T19:48:47Z")
I have about 950,000 miles in 18-wheelers, 250,000 miles in cars and 50,000 miles on motorcycles. Without a chargeable accident. Which means I am better than all you rookies. Young whippersnappers think they can drive. You don’t know squat. You’ll probably stack up a car or two before you are 30. Hopefully, your arrogance won’t result in the injury or death of other drivers. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/12 "2007-06-26T20:11:36Z")
Sorry I backed onto your lawn. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/13 "2007-06-26T20:24:04Z")
OK, but how many miles in zambinis? ---
**Author:** ![brewha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@brewha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brewha)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/14 "2007-06-26T20:25:46Z")
What’s a Zambini? Something for smoothing bean fields? Maybe Lamborghini’s version of the ice resurfacer? ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/15 "2007-06-26T20:30:01Z")
:smack: I mean Zamboni, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/16 "2007-06-26T21:40:35Z")
I have driven down Wolf Creek Pass in a blizzard in December. Next to that, any other driving is hopscotch. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/17 "2007-06-26T21:54:45Z")
[QUOTE=Max Torque] I have driven down Wolf Creek Pass in a blizzard in December. Next to that, any other driving is hopscotch. [/QUOTE] I will defer my excellent driving skills that are only surpassed by [these guys.](http://www.popularmechanics.com/outdoors/adventures/4212314.html) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/18 "2007-06-27T03:54:09Z")
In 1979, I drove from Johnstown, PA to Pittsburgh airport in an ice storm, in a rear-wheel drive car with no studded tires or chains, found out the flight of the person I was to pick up was (supposedly) cancelled, drove all the way back to Johnstown, 70 miles, every inch of which was coated in glare ice, at which point the person called to say they were at the airport and where the hell was I? So I did it all again. So there. I am the best driver who ever drove anything ever. Also the dumbest. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/19 "2007-06-27T07:27:21Z")
Actually, I _do_ own the road. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479/20 "2007-06-27T10:33:36Z")
I drive in Tampa AND on US19 both, five days a week. I will survive. I am the best driver. I also survived traffic in Beijing. I am the worlds best passenger. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-the-worlds-best-driver/409479.md?page=2)