# I am worried about my son's sexual orientation - need advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 22, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095 "2010-12-22T18:51:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/1 "2010-12-22T18:51:38Z")
So I go home last night for dinner. The kids are already sitting at the dinner table. We are having spaghetti with sauce. There is a bowl of parmesan cheese on the table and a bowl of romano cheese. My youngest (age 4 and 11 months) announces, as soon as I sit down “Daddy, I have married the parmesan cheese. I’m Parmesan cheese Winkelried and she’s Mrs. Parmesan cheese Winkelried.” Then he takes the bowl of parmesan cheese, puts it next to the bowl of romano, and makes kissing noises, saying “the parmesan is kissing the other cheese.” What is the word for people sexually attracted to grated cheese? Are there religious reform camps for that? And what is the meaning of him taking his wife and making her kiss another person she’s not married to? Is he planning on being one of those “swingers” I’ve heard about? ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/2 "2010-12-22T18:54:05Z")
I’m sure it’s all gouda and he’ll grow out of it when he has aged. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/3 "2010-12-22T18:54:59Z")
Sadly, polygamy involving several kinds of cheese is very common at that age. I blame television myself. But be grateful that he’s not marrying the pepper and salt: that would be really unhealthy. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/4 "2010-12-22T18:58:31Z")
It’s when he starts taking an unnatural interest in chicken necks that you’ll have to worry. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/5 "2010-12-22T19:01:09Z")
I’m afraid immediate intervention is required on your part. Take your son firmly by the shoulders, look deep into his eyes, and teach him this powerful holy mantra: “I wear the cheese; the cheese does not wear me”. Ooooooooommmmmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/6 "2010-12-22T19:02:19Z")
At least he’s made an honest cheese of it by marrying it and not just rennet. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/7 "2010-12-22T19:09:27Z")
Frankly, I’m not surprised at how rare these types of marriages are. From what I heard, it’s fairly typical for the cheese to stand alone. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/8 "2010-12-22T19:13:33Z")
The lord did not intended for two hard cheeses to be together in this way. Explain to your child that the only appropriate union is between one hard and one soft. Perhaps a dinner table demonstration with a log of romano and some goat cheese. If you think he may be kinky you can cover the goat cheese in jam beforehand. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/9 "2010-12-22T19:20:48Z")
shiftless: eeewwww! I just don’t know if I should be making the apple pie I was planning. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/10 "2010-12-22T19:23:21Z")
That’s okay, my 8 year old twins were watching Rachael Ray’s show yesterday. Christina Hendricks was doing a cooking segment. Twin one says “Hey, She’s tall”, and the other says “Yeah, and she has a Good Chest, too.” I’ve never been prouder. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/11 "2010-12-22T19:25:47Z")
Waitaminnit - after they’re married and in bed together, will “cutting the cheese” be a sign of increasing comfort with one another or grounds for a murder charge? ETA: btw, thank you. Very funny OP. “I’m Parmesean Cheese Winkleried” just sounds like the start of a song or a speech in a Tim Burton movie or something… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/12 "2010-12-22T19:25:52Z")
Is your family Jewish? If so, you may have to resign yourself that your kid may become one of the Jews for Cheeses. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/13 "2010-12-22T19:30:36Z")
I can certainly appreciate your concern, **Arnold.** But it appears your boy is committed. you know what they say about marriage…for cheddar or worse… Bonus, semi-required observation: Rule 34 says there is porn for that. I’m at work and can’t verify. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/14 "2010-12-22T19:31:18Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Is your family Jewish? If so, you may have to resign yourself that your kid may become one of the Jews for Cheeses. Don’t try to envision the circumcision ::shuddering at the thought of a grater:: ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/15 "2010-12-22T19:34:52Z")
I could think of nothing grater than hard cheeses together. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/16 "2010-12-22T19:43:10Z")
I Camembert any more of these cheese puns. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/17 "2010-12-22T20:05:53Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > But be grateful… I see what you did there. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/18 "2010-12-22T20:07:06Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > I Camembert any more of these cheese puns. Well, that’s ok. Enjoy the holidays. We Swiss you a Merry Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/19 "2010-12-22T20:10:52Z")
“To brie, or not to brie…” ---
**Author:** ![Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Misery\_Loves\_Co](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misery_Loves_Co)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/20 "2010-12-22T20:16:39Z")
None of y’all is too sharp, is ya? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095.md?page=2)