# I am worried about my son's sexual orientation - need advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 22, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095 "2010-12-22T18:51:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/41 "2010-12-22T23:50:28Z")
Lots of Boursin this thread, though mozza you are OK. Alouette it go on for now, but not for long. Tell that kid Edam well better keep an eye on that Parm he’s in. Now it’s time to wheel out of here and get pizza. (P.S. **Zyada** says “Cheese it, the cops!”) ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/42 "2010-12-22T23:53:32Z")
I’m sure the honeymoon will be a quaint little cottage in the country. And it will be so Gouda. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/43 "2010-12-22T23:55:11Z")
Where there’s a will there’s a whey. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/44 "2010-12-23T00:16:36Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > How about an envelope with some cash in it, and a little note that says “buy yourself something nice” ? She might just do that. Something 20 years younger than you, with more hair, a sportscar, little skill but ridiculous amounts of stamina. Or maybe a divorce lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/45 "2010-12-23T00:43:07Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > She might just do that. Something 20 years younger than you, with more hair, a sportscar, little skill but ridiculous amounts of stamina. Or maybe a divorce lawyer. Better not put too much money in that envelope, then. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/46 "2010-12-23T02:24:44Z")
You mokes have created a cottage industry of bad puns. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/47 "2010-12-23T02:37:07Z")
Is he mature enough for such a commitment? (all the good cheese puns are taken I think ☹ ) ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/48 "2010-12-23T04:16:20Z")
Don’t worry Arnold, I went through the same thing with my son Alfredo. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/49 "2010-12-23T04:54:09Z")
get him attracted to Swiss cheese and that will straighten him out. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/50 "2010-12-23T05:02:46Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > get him attracted to Swiss cheese and that will straighten him out. Swiss? You want him to end up in a monastery? Swiss cheese is hole-y! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/51 "2010-12-23T08:36:23Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Just as long as he’s not married by some Stinking Bishop. I must ask, would he be allowed to bring some Nun’s Tits and Maiden’s Tits into the mix? ---
**Author:** ![pusher123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pusher123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pusher123)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/52 "2010-12-23T08:53:58Z")
The Gap Conspiracy: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/6Aq6r_D81x0/hqdefault.jpg "The Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy Conspiracy of Mockery") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Aq6r_D81x0) :p;):mad::):rolleyes::D:dubious::smack::mad::p:p:p:eek: Here is another one: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7S\_tzkLMjY](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7S_tzkLMjY) ---
**Author:** ![GiantRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@GiantRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GiantRat)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/53 "2010-12-23T14:12:22Z")
I feel bad for the OP. When you laugh, the world laughs with you; when you prove you provolone. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/54 "2010-12-23T14:25:11Z")
A few years ago, my oldest daughter scared me to death when she brought home a block of Velveeta. I smiled and acted like it was no big deal, but inside it was killing me that she could choose a poser cheese like that. We raised her better than that. Thankfully, she didn’t wrap it tightly so she was able to see it for what it was in a few days. But, boy, was that a scare! So hang tough, Arnold. As far as your wife goes, I don’t think anything says “I love you” more than an appliance. So why not just get her something equally thoughtful to complement it – such as an “I love Arnold” magnet and a brush to clean the coils? You can also create little coupons offering to move the fridge out every 3 or 4 months so that she can clean under it! If that doesn’t earn you a courtesy Christmas blowjob, I don’t know what will. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/55 "2010-12-23T14:34:38Z")
It seems cruel, I know, especially for a child, but one recommended treatment is to stuff sparrows down his throat until the beaks stick out through the stomach walls. From [the definitive documentary on the sexualization of cheese](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK92NYwBMts). ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/56 "2010-12-23T19:44:53Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > As far as your wife goes, I don’t think anything says “I love you” more than an appliance. So why not just get her something equally thoughtful to complement it – such as an “I love Arnold” magnet and a brush to clean the coils? You can also create little coupons offering to move the fridge out every 3 or 4 months so that she can clean under it! If that doesn’t earn you a courtesy Christmas blowjob, I don’t know what will. Great idea! We’re out of vacuum cleaner bags. In a box nicely wrapped with a bow, those might do the trick. No, I’ll get her something, I always do, it just drives my wife crazy that every year I like to wait until the 24th for my power christmas shopping. But I work best under pressure! ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/57 "2010-12-23T19:53:54Z")
Fondue pot. Worst. Wedding. Gift. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/58 "2010-12-23T22:57:59Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > I’m sure it’s all gouda and he’ll grow out of it when he has aged. If that doesn’t work, he can always live [here](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_YlTcjdZrbhM/THX0U2RKcSI/AAAAAAAAAAc/2wJYJ8WBgLs/s1600/Chee-Zee+Apartments.jpg) when he grows up. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/59 "2010-12-23T23:30:02Z")
I’m shocked, Arnold. I never would have thought you’d turn out to be lactose intolerant. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095/60 "2010-12-23T23:35:57Z")
Behold the power of cheese. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-worried-about-my-sons-sexual-orientation-need-advice/565095.md?page=4)