# I am your better. Do as I say. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184 "2010-07-27T14:31:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/41 "2010-07-27T17:10:31Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > > [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > > > …True enough. I’ve been riding the DC metro for 12 years, and tourists are the bane of every commuter’s existence. Seriously, people of the United States, there are other places you can vacation in and take your 50 kid school groups to. And if you’re going to come, stand on the right, at least. > > DC Metro was Federally funded; we all paid for it, so we all have the right to use it. If we’re smart enough to figure out the rules, that is. > > Most tourist days start rather late–if commuters get annoyed, perhaps they ought to leave for work earlier. Then stand on the damn right and don’t just stand in the way gaping. It’s like these people never saw an escalator before. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/42 "2010-07-27T17:18:49Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > True enough. I’ve been riding the DC metro for 12 years, and tourists are the bane of every commuter’s existence. … And if you’re going to come, stand on the right, at least. Exhibit A for why I drive to work. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/43 "2010-07-27T17:20:13Z")
I can’t believe you didn’t know this would go badly. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/44 "2010-07-27T17:20:54Z")
Hmm. Is there a name for sentences that, upon being uttered, immediately establish the truth of their negation, like ‘I am your better’? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/45 "2010-07-27T17:22:46Z")
Well, you could call the people uttering them _oxymorons._ ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/46 "2010-07-27T17:25:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > This one time an ATM ate my debit card, so there were those few days I when I had to rely on cash while waiting on my card. In order to get cash, though, I had to go into a branch, so I was all, “Fuck this. I don’t want to wait in line with those fucking chumps.” I just walked into stores and demanded they gave me stuff. “Cut out the lip, toots,” I would say, “I need things now, and I’m not about to wait in any lines or give you a card with any money on it like some two-bit chump.” Bitch shut up and just gave me what I asked for, due to my massive she-penis. Does your she-penis produce glorious woman sperm or is it mostly for show? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/47 "2010-07-27T17:30:37Z")
Even he-penises are mostly for show. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/48 "2010-07-27T17:31:53Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > This one time an ATM ate my debit card, so there were those few days I when I had to rely on cash while waiting on my card. In order to get cash, though, I had to go into a branch, so I was all, “Fuck this. I don’t want to wait in line with those fucking chumps.” I just walked into stores and demanded they gave me stuff. “Cut out the lip, toots,” I would say, “I need things now, and I’m not about to wait in any lines or give you a card with any money on it like some two-bit chump.” Bitch shut up and just gave me what I asked for, due to my massive she-penis. It’s more like if you eat at McDonald’s and try to pay with your credit card but the machine’s broken. So you tell the guy “Oh, I don’t have any cash. Let me run across the street to the bank and I’ll be right back” and then this 16 yr old kid starts lecturing you and condescending you about how you should always carry cash and how you’re wrong for coming in to McD’s without the proper currency. > [@Telemark](#): > > > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > > > Why didn’t I go to the starting station’s kiosk? Because by the time I was done screwing around with the machines, the train was pulling in. No time. > > So you’re 15 minutes later than you would otherwise have been. Is this that big a deal that you’re willing to fare jump? I really don’t get this mentality. Again, I didn’t fare jump. My method of paying for it was just…backward. Had I fare-jumped, I wouldn’t have had the conversation in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/49 "2010-07-27T17:31:54Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > True enough. I’ve been riding the DC metro for 12 years, and tourists are the bane of every commuter’s existence. Seriously, people of the United States, there are other places you can vacation in and take your 50 kid school groups to. And if you’re going to come, stand on the right, at least. Jesus, I get so damned tired of this condescending “sophisticated townie vs. clueless tourist” bullshit. I live in a tourist mecca, and recognize it for what it is. You’re on the Florida coast, you’re going to get tourists. Great. We could use the money. Tourism is pretty much one of the main reasons for the existence of DC, you know. Government and tourists, everything else is pretty much peripheral. I may be using some hyperbole, but not by much. See all the pretty monuments built by tax dollars and so forth? It’s not exactly like you lived in a sleepy little desert community until it was discovered and overrun by the disheveled masses. My wife and I plan on making a trip there soon. I’ve never been there, so I may not be real familiar with how your public transportation works. I may even take a couple of minutes to read the instructions. If this means that you’re two minutes late to your important job, tough shit. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/50 "2010-07-27T17:38:57Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > > > Why didn’t I go to the starting station’s kiosk? Because by the time I was done screwing around with the machines, the train was pulling in. No time. > > So you’re 15 minutes later than you would otherwise have been. Is this that big a deal that you’re willing to fare jump? I really don’t get this mentality. Yeah, like those french fries are going to make themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/51 "2010-07-27T17:39:33Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Again, I didn’t fare jump. My method of paying for it was just…backward. Had I fare-jumped, I wouldn’t have had the conversation in the first place. You did fare-jump. You went through the metro turnstile without putting your card in. That’s fare jumping. The fact that you tried to rectify it afterward isn’t relevant, especially because the guy in the booth at your destination station really can’t rectify it. He can’t accept money himself, and he can’t add and take money off your card. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/52 "2010-07-27T17:39:57Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I can’t believe you didn’t know this would go badly. I was pissed off this morning, but I wasn’t going to get into it with the prick Power Trip Jamal. So I drew my internet sword and prepared to do battle with SDMB Proxies in the Pit. What makes you think I thought this would go well? So far, I think I’m winning. > [@PoorYorick](#): > > My wife and I plan on making a trip there soon. I’ve never been there, so I may not be real familiar with how your public transportation works. I may even take a couple of minutes to read the instructions. If this means that you’re two minutes late to your important job, tough shit. Cool. Fine. Glad to have ya. Hey, do you think you can stand on the right when you ride the escalators? Thanks. And you can take two minutes to read the instructions. That’s fine. You can even ask me for help. But don’t expect me to actually _enjoy_ your presence. That’s asking too much. > [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > > [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > > > Again, I didn’t fare jump. My method of paying for it was just…backward. Had I fare-jumped, I wouldn’t have had the conversation in the first place. > > You did fare-jump. You went through the metro turnstile without putting your card in. That’s fare jumping. The fact that you tried to rectify it afterward isn’t relevant, especially because the guy in the booth at your destination station really can’t rectify it. He can’t accept money himself, and he can’t add and take money off your card. Not true. He can let me out, then I’ll run my card through that turnstile and exit again. Paid for. Same price. I’m at work on time, the system gets its money, no one has to freak out. Everyone wins. Oh yeah, but I’m supposed to feel all guilty and “I’m so ashamed!” over it? Bullshit. Just let me out so I can work around your broken shit, OK? ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/53 "2010-07-27T17:42:44Z")
If anyone wants some more stories of how the Metro has nearly fucked up the OP’s day, luckily there’s a website dedicated to just this purpose. [The Government Literally Lost Money Keeping OP from Work.](http://dcinterns.blogspot.com/2009/06/heard-literally-losing-money.html) [Another Episode of Fail in Swiping SmarTrip.](http://dcinterns.blogspot.com/2009/06/spotted-smarttrip-snafu.html) [In Which Others Try to Make OP Late.](http://dcinterns.blogspot.com/2009/07/heard-please-move-to-center-of-car.html) [Regarding a Helpful Suggestion to Segregate Worth Metro Customers from the Riff-raff.](http://dcinterns.blogspot.com/2009/06/heard-special-intern-metro-car.html) Chalk those up as four more “wins” for our fearless intern’s effort to bend the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority to his whim. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/54 "2010-07-27T17:43:58Z")
Sure, he _can_ let you out. The movie theater ticket taker can also buy your story that your girlfriend has your ticket and has already gone in, but you paid for it, you totally swear. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/55 "2010-07-27T17:50:17Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Not true. He can let me out, then I’ll run my card through that turnstile and exit again. Paid for. Same price. I’m at work on time, the system gets its money, no one has to freak out. Everyone wins. Then you don’t know how the Metro works. Unless your card shows where you got on, there is no way of it knowing the fare to charge you. Sure you got on in a place it is the minimum fare, but, just think, if you had got on in Shady Grove, or Vienna, or Franconia-Springfield, and then tried to pay at the end, don’t you think you would have said you got on much closer? The system needs a start point and finish point. By turnstile jumping at your origin, you denied it the start point, and so made it impossible for the system to determine what you owed. You instead assume that Metro should rely on your honesty, which they can be forgiven for doubting seeing as you broke the rules by turnstile jumping in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/56 "2010-07-27T17:53:34Z")
**villa** , does the DC system charge you by how far you go so that you pay after you exit? Just curious–I’m in New York so it’s the same fare no matter where you go. In that case it seems like the OP really did scam the system. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/57 "2010-07-27T17:56:50Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **villa** , does the DC system charge you by how far you go so that you pay after you exit? Just curious–I’m in New York so it’s the same fare no matter where you go. In that case it seems like the OP really did scam the system. Yes - different length rides are different amounts. You put the card in, it registers where you got on, then you put it in to exit and it deducts the amount for the ride. There are also different fares for peak time and other times. [http://www.wmata.com/fares/metrorail.cfm](http://www.wmata.com/fares/metrorail.cfm) ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/58 "2010-07-27T17:59:51Z")
:dubious:Hmm. I’ve been taking the Metro for years and years and on the occasional instances where I’ve had a problem, have always, **always** found Metro employees to be exceptionally friendly and helpful, \*particularly \*in the train stations. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/59 "2010-07-27T18:02:21Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > **villa** , does the DC system charge you by how far you go so that you pay after you exit? Just curious–I’m in New York so it’s the same fare no matter where you go. In that case it seems like the OP really did scam the system. Yes, it charges differently depending on how far you went. > [@villa](#): > > just think, if you had got on in Shady Grove, or Vienna, or Franconia-Springfield, and then tried to pay at the end, don’t you think you would have said you got on much closer? > > The system needs a start point and finish point. By turnstile jumping at your origin, you denied it the start point, and so made it impossible for the system to determine what you owed. You instead assume that Metro should rely on your honesty, which they can be forgiven for doubting seeing as you broke the rules by turnstile jumping in the first place. Oh yeah, that’s a good point… Wait, no. It’s stupid. Because I DIDN’T get on at Vienna or Shady Grove or Frac-Spring. And I didn’t take it the entire track. I end up paying the same price as I would have anyway. It makes absolutely no difference, money-wise, if I swipe in at my start station or the end station. > [@Ravenman](#): > > If anyone wants some more stories of how the Metro has nearly fucked up the OP’s day, luckily there’s a website dedicated to just this purpose. > … > Chalk those up as four more “wins” for our fearless intern’s effort to bend the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority to his whim. Did you not notice all the comments where they call the blogger a tool and whatnot? And I’m not a fucking intern. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184/60 "2010-07-27T18:04:21Z")
> [@villa](#): > > Yes - different length rides are different amounts. You put the card in, it registers where you got on, then you put it in to exit and it deducts the amount for the ride. > > There are also different fares for peak time and other times. > > [http://www.wmata.com/fares/metrorail.cfm](http://www.wmata.com/fares/metrorail.cfm) In that case, just going back out and reswiping seems quite pointless. Seems like the OP should have sucked it up and waited. Or gone to a different station and put money on there. (Not that jumping a turnstile would be OK even in a system where it’s the same amount no matter where you go. I don’t think I’d ever jump the turnstile, barring some extreme emergency.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-better-do-as-i-say/548184.md?page=4)