# I am your king; you must come and pay homage **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2019, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739 "2019-03-30T01:40:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/241 "2019-04-12T14:23:24Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > \*"April 11 - The first Feast of the King’s Uvula was marked by the kingdom hosting a well-intentioned international yodelling conference. However, once the event began the horrific nature of what an actual international yodelling conference was like immediately became apparent, and the populace fled in terror. **King iiii** took decisive action and had all the yodellers beheaded on the spot, once again earning him the love and gratitude of his people. > > No formal activities have yet replaced the misguided conference, although many youth of the kingdom informally mark the occasion by getting really stoned and spending hours lying on their living room floors giggling at the mere thought of the word ‘uvula’."\* WHAT? You’re kidding, right? Well, there goes my next magnum opus. _crumples paper, throws it over shoulder_ It was for a chorus of yodelers and fife and drum corps. Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/242 "2019-04-12T14:40:38Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > WHAT? You’re kidding, right? Well, there goes my next magnum opus. _crumples paper, throws it over shoulder_ It was for a chorus of yodelers and fife and drum corps. > Dammit. Another calamity His Royal i-ness has saved us from. Huzzah for the King! ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/243 "2019-04-12T15:29:22Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Another calamity His Royal i-ness has saved us from. Huzzah for the King! Harumph. I’m surrounded by philistines. (grumble, grumble…) Actually, you probably saved me from embarrassing myself in front of His Majesty. Lemme know if you want to come over and use my livestock sometime. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/244 "2019-04-12T15:32:18Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > Harumph. I’m surrounded by philistines. (grumble, grumble…) > > Actually, you probably saved me from embarrassing myself in front of His Majesty. Lemme know if you want to come over and use my livestock sometime. Saved you from beheading, more like. You’re welcome. Who was it that had the ocelot? I want to borrow that. Ocelots are cool, and I know this one weird trick to titillate them. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/245 "2019-04-12T18:24:07Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Yes, let’s all stand up and shout to whomever nearby can hear us: **“FAUX COUP! FAUX COUP, ALL!”** Now you’re getting it! Let’s get this party swinging, I get first dibs on the chandelier ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2019, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/246 "2019-04-12T18:28:27Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Empress, smempress. > Don’t no one listen to me. > > I’ll try this though: > 1st decree: > ICECREAM PARTY! > COME ONE, COME ALL! > (we have sprinkles!!) NIIIIICE. Has anyone ever had goats milk ice cream? What’s it like? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2019, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/247 "2019-04-15T08:26:34Z")
_April 15 is the Feast of the King’s Cervical Vertebrae. Several years ago, seven of the King’s most devoted courtiers, seeking to honor the occasion, each made the bold decision to have their neck bones fused…and they’ve never looked back._ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2019, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/248 "2019-04-15T08:37:10Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Saved you from beheading, more like. You’re welcome. > > Who was it that had the ocelot? I want to borrow that. Ocelots are cool, and I know this one weird trick to titillate them. Leave my ocelot and toygers out of your sick fantasies. But, enjoy the icecream party, we have sprinkles. If that ain’t enough to titillate I don’t know what is. Gyrate, dude what’s with all the feast days? I’m really tired of to having to dress up. And god knows you can’t be seen twice in the same get-up. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2019, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/249 "2019-04-15T09:29:08Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Leave my ocelot and toygers out of your sick fantasies. But, enjoy the icecream party, we have sprinkles. If that ain’t enough to titillate I don’t know what is. > > Gyrate, dude what’s with all the feast days? I’m really tired of to having to dress up. And god knows you can’t be seen twice in the same get-up. Participation in the Feast Days is entirely optional. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2019, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/250 "2019-04-15T09:59:09Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Gyrate, dude what’s with all the feast days? I’m really tired of to having to dress up. And god knows you can’t be seen twice in the same get-up. I refer you to [post #160](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21573409&postcount=160). As noted, feast participation is optional. That said, if you’re looking for an excuse to avoid having to make choices about what to wear, you’re going to _really_ like August\*. \*although heavy sunblock is recommended ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/251 "2019-04-17T17:05:34Z")
I am proud to announce the premier of my latest magnum opus, “Don’t Let Our Kingdom Fall Off The Page!” It is scored for crumhorn\*, sackbut\* and ophicleide\*, featuring a chorus of chanting lumberjacks. - Real instruments. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/252 "2019-04-17T17:08:33Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > I am proud to announce the premier of my latest magnum opus, “Don’t Let Our Kingdom Fall Off The Page!” It is scored for crumhorn\*, sackbut\* and ophicleide\*, featuring a chorus of chanting lumberjacks. > > - Real instruments. Can’t wait to hear it – and just in time! ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/253 "2019-04-17T21:40:25Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > I refer you to [post #160](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21573409&postcount=160). > > As noted, feast participation is optional. That said, if you’re looking for an excuse to avoid having to make choices about what to wear, you’re going to _really_ like August\*. > > \*although heavy sunblock is recommended Keep in mind, she has been installed as Empress, “optional” might have a different meaning for Royalty, just as it does for yesmen, flunkies and other members of the royal court, compared to what it means for the general public. Regarding the August Festivities, you’re saying the Empress needs “new clothes” then? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2019, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/254 "2019-04-17T22:17:15Z")
Hah. That’s my kinda dressing. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2019, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/255 "2019-04-18T08:42:19Z")
Hmmmm, I’ll see your Hah, and raise you one speculative eyebrow and wondering who’s really hiding behind the sweet Arkansawyer Empress we all like so much. (speculative eyebrow comes complete with sassy grin, some assembly required, batteries not included, offer not valid in all states) ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2020, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/256 "2020-06-18T03:17:02Z")
Reviving this thread because an heir is born! All will pay respects to the prince! The future of my kingdom is secure! And we could use some help with the night feedings and changings, if it’s not too much trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2020, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/257 "2020-06-18T03:30:52Z")
Awwwww! A Prince iiii is born. Let me be the first groveler to grovel. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2020, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/258 "2020-06-18T10:07:47Z")
All hail **iiandyv**! ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2020, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/259 "2020-06-18T16:03:03Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Reviving this thread because an heir is born! All will pay respects to the prince! The future of my kingdom is secure! > > And we could use some help with the night feedings and changings, if it’s not too much trouble. Live it up now, **iiandyiiii** , even if you are too broke and tired. That heir is the Usurper to the Throne. Please note how I make frequent references to my grandchildren as COTU#1, COTU#2 and COTU#3. You will be demoted to serf. “Center of the Universe” is already filled. You’ll need to find a new omnipotent title. (Sincerely, congrats on New Baby!) ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2020, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/260 "2020-06-18T20:05:54Z")
Waitaminnit . . . Isn’t a ‘king’ supposed to be divinely inspired, and delivered unto Earth by some mythical story or somethin’? They don’t just appear out of thin air, bub. I suppose you’ve got some magical thing about sliding down Mount Paetku or something, arriving before anyone else after thumb-wrestling for control of the snowboard. And what about the little one? (Congratulations, by the way!) Tripler So what’s your divine-right-to-rule story? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=14)