# I am your king; you must come and pay homage **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2019, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739 "2019-03-30T01:40:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/101 "2019-04-02T15:16:14Z")
No, not Heloise. I was channeling Burt Gummer. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/102 "2019-04-02T15:41:55Z")
King of the Straight Dopers, eh? Time for a Pedants’ Revolt! ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/103 "2019-04-02T16:25:29Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > King of the Straight Dopers, eh? > > Time for a Pedants’ Revolt! I am king of all that I survey\*, and my power within my kingdom\*\* is absolute. As such, a revolt is impossible, but might be amusing to observe. \*In this thread. \*\*This thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/104 "2019-04-02T16:32:50Z")
If there ends up being more than one King iiii it’s going to get very confusing when we get to King iiii III. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/105 "2019-04-02T17:10:38Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > If there ends up being more than one King iiii it’s going to get very confusing when we get to King iiii III. Ha! You amuse and intrigue me. You are made Royal Historian. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/106 "2019-04-02T17:18:18Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I’ve decided that I am your king. Those who pay homage to me will earn my royal favor; those who do not will earn my wrath. > > Think carefully on it. The favor of the king can be a powerful asset. I may even make you one of my ministers, or, if you’re very lucky, my vizier. Yeah you say that, but when people hit the big time they forget all the people who stuck with them when they were nobodies. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/107 "2019-04-02T17:20:18Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Yeah you say that, but when people hit the big time they forget all the people who stuck with them when they were nobodies. There are still openings in my court, if you are interested. What are your special skills and interests? ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/108 "2019-04-02T17:27:58Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > There are still openings in my court, if you are interested. What are your special skills and interests? Have you got a Chief of Secret Police yet? I’ve memorized Josef Stalin’s _“How To Win By Being A Total Bastard”_ ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/109 "2019-04-02T17:32:39Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I’ve decided that I am your king. Those who pay homage to me will earn my royal favor; those who do not will earn my wrath. Sure, the others will pay homage now that you’re a king, but you know that you’ve always been my favorite even BEFORE you assumed the throne. Remember who your REAL friends are and reward them accordingly! ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/110 "2019-04-02T17:49:47Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Have you got a Chief of Secret Police yet? I’ve memorized Josef Stalin’s _“How To Win By Being A Total Bastard”_ You are hereby made the Royal Enforcer, which includes command of the Royal Secret Police. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/111 "2019-04-02T17:52:39Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > Sure, the others will pay homage now that you’re a king, but you know that you’ve always been my favorite even BEFORE you assumed the throne. Remember who your REAL friends are and reward them accordingly! You are hereby made the Royal Crier, in charge of making Royal Pronouncements to the court and the kingdom at large. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/112 "2019-04-02T19:31:14Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > I am king of all that I survey Yertle? Is that you? That Marvelous You? Well heck, I don’t need explosives, sharp sticks, socks, door knobs OR harsh language. I just need to find that one guy named Mack who helped build the chair you’re using as a throne and give him a soda. A single burp from him and you’re in the mud ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/113 "2019-04-02T19:37:22Z")
Hi King iiandyii. There, I said it. Now fix our country. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/114 "2019-04-02T21:09:56Z")
As an imaginary doctor in an imaginary kingdom, I imagine that I will be the man of science who is thrown in the imaginary dungeon for telling the world that the king is spreading pestilence by scratching his arse and not subsequently washing his hands before handling the food and the cooks. I await my sentence, Your Highly Contagiousness. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/115 "2019-04-02T22:02:28Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > As an imaginary doctor in an imaginary kingdom, I imagine that I will be the man of science who is thrown in the imaginary dungeon for telling the world that the king is spreading pestilence by scratching his arse and not subsequently washing his hands before handling the food and the cooks. I await my sentence, Your Highly Contagiousness. You are hereby made the Royal Astronomer. I don’t need a doctor due to my omnipotence within my own realm, but some science-ing sounds good. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/116 "2019-04-02T22:13:19Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > You are hereby made the Royal Minstrel. Thank you, sire. I shall dedicate my next magnum opus to honor you and your reign. It is a symphony for punk band, tuba and contrabassoon titled Bloodbath in D minor. It’s gonna be great, you’ll love it. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/117 "2019-04-02T22:15:08Z")
> [@Jumpbass](#): > > Thank you, sire. > > I shall dedicate my next magnum opus to honor you and your reign. It is a symphony for punk band, tuba and contrabassoon titled Bloodbath in D minor. It’s gonna be great, you’ll love it. Trust me. I’ll await your work eagerly. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/118 "2019-04-02T23:52:56Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Hi King iiandyii. > > There, I said it. Now fix our country. You are sentenced to 10 lashes with a feather for failing to get the correct number of i’s in my user name (as well as failing to bold the user name of the king). ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/119 "2019-04-03T00:06:46Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > You are hereby made the Royal Astronomer. I don’t need a doctor due to my omnipotence within my own realm, but some science-ing sounds good. You may need a doctor when you find out about King Simster. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/120 "2019-04-03T00:38:57Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You may need a doctor when you find out about King Simster. Just saying. Pretenders to the throne are free to fantasize as they wish in my kingdom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=7)