# I am your king; you must come and pay homage **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 30, 2019, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739 "2019-03-30T01:40:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/121 "2019-04-03T02:27:24Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > Wait a minute. Now, I realize I’m an uninvolved bystander here, but I was kinda hoping to get in on some of the kingly payola that was gonna be handed out. You’re telling me that homie ain’t gonna pay me? That this isn’t one of those roman style bread and circuses kingdoms? WTF man! I was lied to and the system let me down man. > I’m throwing my lot in with Oakminster. I may only have sharp sticks, a sock full of doorknobs and harsh language, but…well you know. > [@Jumpbass](#): > > Thank you, sire. > > I shall dedicate my next magnum opus to honor you and your reign. It is a symphony for punk band, tuba and contrabassoon titled Bloodbath in D minor. It’s gonna be great, you’ll love it. Trust me. I heard that opus. I’ll give it a “5.” It had a good beat, but it was hard to dance to. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/122 "2019-04-03T02:31:52Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Pretenders to the throne are free to fantasize as they wish in my kingdom. You are such a kind King. Think I’ll keep you. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/123 "2019-04-03T06:14:43Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Pretenders to the throne are free to fantasize as they wish in my kingdom. Hmmm, BWAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! vIvoqHa’ chut ghov Qujmey Da’ovQo’ jIH Ha’DIbaH puqloD There that’s even better than harsh language ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/124 "2019-04-03T11:33:56Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Ha! You amuse and intrigue me. You are made Royal Historian. Sweet! Are you going to be a “warts and all” kind of king or should I start writing the hagiography now? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/125 "2019-04-03T11:48:16Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Sweet! > > Are you going to be a “warts and all” kind of king or should I start writing the hagiography now? You may do as you feel appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/126 "2019-04-03T11:57:26Z")
_“Amongst his many outstanding achievements **King iiii** is known for his superhuman golf prowess. On one historic occasion, his first tee shot bounced straight into the cup, and then immediately bounced out and into each of the cups of all the subsequent holes in order, thus making him the only person to achieve a score of 1 for an 18-hole course. Golf partners Donald Trump and Kim Jung-Un could only look on dumbly in amazement.”_ ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/127 "2019-04-03T11:59:06Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > _“Amongst his many outstanding achievements **King iiii** is known for his superhuman golf prowess. On one historic occasion, his first tee shot bounced straight into the cup, and then immediately bounced out and into each of the cups of all the subsequent holes in order, thus making him the only person to achieve a score of 1 for an 18-hole course. Golf partners Donald Trump and Kim Jung-Un could only look on dumbly in amazement.”_ Excellent! You have gained my favor, and the finest goat in the Royal Herd. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/128 "2019-04-03T12:38:51Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > You are hereby made the Royal Astronomer. I don’t need a doctor due to my omnipotence within my own realm, but some science-ing sounds good. OK, but if I’m going to be working nights I’ll need access to the appropriate scientific supplies - like booze, good company and cable TV. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/129 "2019-04-03T13:54:26Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > OK, but if I’m going to be working nights I’ll need access to the appropriate scientific supplies - like booze, good company and cable TV. The resources of the Royal Observatory\* are your to use as you see fit. \*The Royal Observatory has a large and fully stocked refrigerator/bar, high speed internet and cable TV, and a small staff of astronmers/revellers. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/130 "2019-04-03T14:58:51Z")
> [@VOW](#): > > I heard that opus. I’ll give it a “5.” It had a good beat, but it was hard to dance to. > ~VOW Thank you, but it’s not a dance tune. Try the club remix. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/131 "2019-04-03T15:57:39Z")
_“On this date, **King iiii** met with his Royal Scientists to survey their work on developing time travel. At a glance he was able to correct several fundamental errors in their calculations and then personally assembled a working time machine out of plastic tubing, old lawnmower parts, three boxes of rubber bands and a small pug. His Majesty then promptly tested the machine by travelling into the distant past, where he invented pie.”_ ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/132 "2019-04-03T16:05:21Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > _“On this date, **King iiii** met with his Royal Scientists to survey their work on developing time travel. At a glance he was able to correct several fundamental errors in their calculations and then personally assembled a working time machine out of plastic tubing, old lawnmower parts, three boxes of rubber bands and a small pug. His Majesty then promptly tested the machine by travelling into the distant past, where he invented pie.”_ Wonderful! You are hereby granted a second goat from the Royal Herd. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/133 "2019-04-03T18:13:05Z")
Whelp, the pedants are to busy pedanting to actually have their revolt, and the rabble is so besotted with all the “booze, broads, and assorted live stock” that it will probably be a week or three before any of them will be fit to mount a stump, let alone a revolution. Hell, not even insults posted in Klingon got a reaction. Apparently I do not have a brilliant career ahead of me as a rabble rouser, fomenter of unrest, or instigator of rebellion. Not in this thread anyway. Maybe I’ll pop over and see what Korg has going on these days. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/134 "2019-04-03T18:15:16Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > Whelp, the pedants are to busy pedanting to actually have their revolt, and the rabble is so besotted with all the “booze, broads, and assorted live stock” that it will probably be a week or three before any of them will be fit to mount a stump, let alone a revolution. Hell, not even insults posted in Klingon got a reaction. > > Apparently I do not have a brilliant career ahead of me as a rabble rouser, fomenter of unrest, or instigator of rebellion. Not in this thread anyway. > > Maybe I’ll pop over and see what Korg has going on these days. Ha! You are hereby made Royal Instigator. Instigate as you please! ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/135 "2019-04-03T18:59:47Z")
_Looks speculatively at **iiandyiiii** _ Are you sure that is wise? Just statistically speaking, at some point I’m going to achieve my goals. _looks at **iiandyiiii** some more, a bit warily this time_ Erm, thanks for the job offer but…oh look at that, I hear my mom calling me to go to the dentist for that root canal I forgot about at the grocery store where I got a meeting about… \*takes off running out of the thread so fast in cartoon fashion, his shoes have to catch up \* ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/136 "2019-04-03T19:02:51Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > _Looks speculatively at **iiandyiiii** _ > > Are you sure that is wise? Just statistically speaking, at some point I’m going to achieve my goals. > > _looks at **iiandyiiii** some more, a bit warily this time_ > > Erm, thanks for the job offer but…oh look at that, I hear my mom calling me to go to the dentist for that root canal I forgot about at the grocery store where I got a meeting about… > > \*takes off running out of the thread so fast in cartoon fashion, his shoes have to catch up \* In my kingdom, there is no “statistically speaking”, and no “goals” are achieved that are not also mine own. So instigate as you please! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/137 "2019-04-03T19:26:21Z")
Here, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty. The…um…sort of… Tiger is missing. He’s not bitten anyone, lately. Fore-warned is fore-armed. HERE, KITTY, KITTY. (grumble-grumble, if I had a real tiger, grumble) ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/138 "2019-04-03T19:57:07Z")
Probably set loose by some lowly disturber of the peace. Have you tried setting out any kitty food to lure it in beck? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/139 "2019-04-03T20:15:40Z")
> [@guestchaz](#): > > Probably set loose by some lowly disturber of the peace. > > Have you tried setting out any kitty food to lure it in beck? I hate tell you this but the royal Tiger is a golden retriever painted in tiger stripes. Not at ALL what I WANTED. You know, you take what your given in this kingdom. Your NEEDS get shoved under the palace rugs. Altho’, now I think about golden retrievers will eat anything. Hand me some of that goat food.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2019, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739/140 "2019-04-03T21:03:19Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > simster, you are confined to the dungeon. So says the king. I think that “King” should be capitalized as you are [referring to a full title](https://www.quora.com/Should-King-and-or-Queen-be-capitalized), e.g. “the King of Andylandia”. Imagine you’re Jeff Bridges’ character in _The Big Lebowski_. You wouldn’t say of yourself: “So says the dude” You would say: “So says the Dude” #Pedant’sRevolt [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-am-your-king-you-must-come-and-pay-homage/831739.md?page=8)