# "I assure you we are OPEN"-The Clerks Appreciation Thread! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470 "2001-08-08T17:01:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/21 "2001-08-08T22:15:53Z")
“I’m not even supposed to BE here today!” Yep, it’s the story of my life. Gotta get the DVD! Black Hole managed to get me autographs from Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes. ---
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/22 "2001-08-08T22:20:44Z")
And how could I forget Veronica’s rant at the end? “I want you to follow through on this, just so you can find out what an idiot you are. And when she dumps you again-and she will Dante, I promise you that-when she dumps you again I want to laugh at you, right in your face, just so you realize that that was what you gave up our relationship for!!” ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/23 "2001-08-08T23:31:12Z")
**I love this movie** Classic lines not already stated: “Oohh, Navy Seals!” “In light of this lurid tale, I don’t see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadverdantly led men to deviant lifestyles.” BTW…Kevin Smith was originaly going to play the role of Randal-that’s why he has the best lines. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/24 "2001-08-09T00:05:41Z")
My love for you is ticking clock BERZERKER Would you like to suck my cock BERZERKER! ---
**Author:** ![Tyklfe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3e96dc/32.png) [@Tyklfe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tyklfe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/25 "2001-08-09T00:13:00Z")
(running out the door to the video store…) (slam…) (screeeeeeeeech…) ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/26 "2001-08-09T00:18:32Z")
Would you believe I’ve never seen this thing? I and my doped-up (as opposed to “Doper”) friends sat and watched _Mallrats_ at least 117 times, and I’m told it was actually a bad showing for Mr Smith. I have tried to track down a copy of _Clerks_ but it’s beyond the shops, and exists only in cybershop. It will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine. I’m resisting all comics and threads until I have seen it. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/27 "2001-08-09T00:22:35Z")
Clerks - the best hockey movie ever made! ---
**Author:** ![Cyndar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cyndar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyndar)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/28 "2001-08-09T01:00:28Z")
Chasing Amy and Dogma were good. I couldn’t stand Mallrats. I can’t wait for the Jay and Silent Bob movie. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/29 "2001-08-09T01:07:35Z")
[hijack] They now sell a shirt with Olaf’s picture on it, captured in mid note with the bright red logo… **BERSERKER** I must have this shirt. Fabulous prizes to the Doper who brings me this shirt. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/30 "2001-08-09T01:46:10Z")
What’s your favorite Star Wars film? Empire Strikes Back. Blasphamy! ---
**Author:** ![ModernRonin2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@ModernRonin2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModernRonin2)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/31 "2001-08-09T03:32:24Z")
“What smells like _shoe polish_?” -Ben 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/32 "2001-08-09T03:39:21Z")
“The workers on the Death Star were working at their own risk. The contractors there knew of the danger, and should have been expecting acceptable losses. As far as I’m concerned, the Emperor has no need to reimburse the families or survivors. Take it from me, I’m a bonded contractor. . .” (or something along those lines) That scene still makes me howl. Fuckin’ hilarious! Tripler “You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?!?!?” ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/33 "2001-08-09T03:43:44Z")
The high point for me is the part where they argue whether or not the independent contractors who undoubtedly were working on the second Death Star deserved to die when it blew up. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/34 "2001-08-09T04:08:54Z")
“You know what I just saw?” “Me pulling a can of off some moron’s fist?” [sub]BTW, I STILL want that t shirt. Fabulous prizes still availible[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/35 "2001-08-09T22:50:21Z")
Veronica: Who’s leading this mob? Veronica: Do you even know how many people I’ve slept with? Dante: Do I get to hit you after you tell me? Jay: I could go down on you, suck you, line up a bunch of guys and make like a circus seal. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/36 "2001-08-10T03:02:27Z")
In case you haven’t seen it yet, [Trooper Clerks](http://www.nonlight.com/flash/trooper.swf). Not as good as its inspriation, imho, but not bad. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/37 "2001-08-10T03:16:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gravity \* > \*\*I actually ordered the DVD day before yesterday. I can’t wait to see it. It’ll be the first DVD that we own. I also got the Clerks: Uncensored cartoon while I was at it. > \*\* What a coincidence, it was the first one I bought, too. The sequel is supposed to come out next year, by the way. \*\*Clerks: Sell Out \*\* [http://us.imdb.com/Title?0289900](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0289900) Caitlin Bree: I’m offering you my body and you’re offering me semantics Silent Bob: You know, there’s a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don’t all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/38 "2001-08-10T03:17:44Z")
Oops, make that animated sequel. ---
**Author:** ![shannybonanny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shannybonanny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shannybonanny)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/39 "2001-08-10T03:40:18Z")
You know, I just don’t think there could ever be a sequel to Clerks (live-action, anyway) that does justice to the original. Some things are better left alone and all that. I’m going to deposit my paycheck tomorrow and then go straight to Hastings. Again. After reading all this stuff about the animated series (which I figured wouldn’t be as funny as the movie, stupid me) I really want to see them. I can’t wait! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![twentyeleven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b77776/32.png) [@twentyeleven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twentyeleven)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470/40 "2001-08-10T04:00:34Z")
Veronica: “Try thinking for yourselves before you pelt an innocent man with cigarettes!” Randal (and Dante): “Buncha savages in this town.” Randal: “Dun-dun-dun-dun…salsa shark! We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” Jay: “C’mon Olaf, METAL! [Olaf grimaces] That’s his fuckin’ metal face.” Willem (Snowball): “That’s BEAUTIFUL, man.” Jay: “Silent Bob, you’re a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you’re cute as hell. I’d like to go down on you, suck you…line up three other guys and make like a circus seal. [Jay simulates fellatio, and then snaps out of it and gets defensive] What the hell, you fuckin’ faggot! I HATE guys! I love WOMEN!” Randal: “People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called a girl ‘mom’.” Dante: “You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that’s eerie…” I started getting REQUEST in the mail after signing up for Media Play’s Replay membership. There’s a great interview with Kevin (and a hilarious interview with Jay). Worth driving down and getting your free copy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-assure-you-we-are-open-the-clerks-appreciation-thread/75470.md?page=3)