# I beat my kid to death because massa beat my ancestors. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057 "2004-06-01T12:42:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/21 "2004-06-01T15:12:53Z")
Wait, I’m part German and part Cherokee. Do they cancel each other out? Can I claim emotional battery from one part of my heritage to another? I’m also Swiss. I know there’s a neutrality joke in there somewhere, but damned if I can think of it. Ava ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/22 "2004-06-01T15:23:39Z")
> [@avabeth](#): > > I’m also Swiss. I know there’s a neutrality joke in there somewhere, but damned if I can think of it. Just not charged up about injustices done to your ancestors? (no charge…neutral…_sigh, back to work_) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/23 "2004-06-01T15:30:04Z")
Well, all of my ancestors from the Northern UK were terrorized for centuries by Viking raiders, so all those people from … umm … wherever the hell Vikings came from better just watch out. Them and all those football fans I see in Minneapolis… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/24 "2004-06-01T15:34:16Z")
> [@avabeth](#): > > Wait, I’m part German and part Cherokee. > > Do they cancel each other out? Can I claim emotional battery from one part of my heritage to another? > > I’m also Swiss. I know there’s a neutrality joke in there somewhere, but damned if I can think of it. > > Ava Well, I suppose you could always scalp Jews with a Swiss Army knife. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/25 "2004-06-01T15:40:14Z")
All of these people have it EASY! What about the poor Osmonds? They’re a little bit Country…AND a little bit Rock and Roll! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/26 "2004-06-01T15:48:20Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Well, I suppose you could always scalp Jews with a Swiss Army knife. OK, level with me… am I going to hell for laughing at that? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/27 "2004-06-01T15:49:39Z")
> [@Avabeth](#): > > Wait, I’m part German and part Cherokee. That means you hate both Jews and walking. ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/28 "2004-06-01T15:49:54Z")
Im Italian, my ancestors have been “whacking” each other for decades, my boss better watch himself!!! ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/29 "2004-06-01T15:50:29Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > OK, level with me… am I going to hell for laughing at that? 🙂 See you there! I’ll bring the beer! 😃 I’m so going to get nailed at work one of these days. Ava ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/30 "2004-06-01T16:03:58Z")
OK…this is getting complicated. I’m Irish, English, Scottish, German, French and Ukrainian. That means my people have either caused, or suffered, most of the trauma the Western world has seen in the last 500 years. Hmmmm…who to hurt for this? Decisions, decisions. 😃 **Coldfire,** I’ll save you a seat by the coals. **Avabeth’s** bringing the beer. **EddyTeddyFreddy** is a minion for making me laugh that hard! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/31 "2004-06-01T16:11:02Z")
> [@avabeth](#): > > I’m so going to get nailed at work one of these days. The last place I worked at had a strict policy against that, which I ran seriously afoul of until my lawyer explained that the roots of my family tree go all the way back to Sparta, and I suffer post-generational work-related buggery stress disorder, which compels me to duck into the supply closet frequently with anyone who’s willing. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/32 "2004-06-01T16:27:00Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > post-generational work-related buggery stress disorder All right, Larry wins. 😃 _wipes tears from eyes_ ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/33 "2004-06-01T16:34:10Z")
I’m half-imbecile, and all this time I’ve been beating the crap out of people who looked smarter than me, thinking I’d get in some kind of trouble. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/34 "2004-06-01T17:16:11Z")
So what ethnic group is it whose history compels its members to turn into weasel-ass lawyers? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/35 "2004-06-01T17:29:56Z")
Wait, so does this apply to all African-Americans, or only those whose ancestors were slaves? Or has “African-American” been reclaimed to mean that, and everyone who just looks black is now a More-Specific-American? I mean, ok, it might potentially happen, but surely only if, say each generation was abusive in turn, and aren’t there already theories describing having abusive parents =\> abuse? Or is a culture thing? “Damn, apparently people with the same skin colour as me used to be opressed. Therefore I should beat the crap out of my son.” Except it sounds silly when you say it like that. > [@swampbear](#): > > Only if you beat your kids with potatoes. Shouldn’t he be beating his kids with an absense of potatoes? \This doesn’t seem physically possible! Agh! This doesn’t seem physically possible! Agh! \ ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/36 "2004-06-01T17:50:45Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > Doubly make sure you don’t get lost, as Batavia, Ill. is in a region of this fair country that has never even _heard_ of spices. No way dude, they got both of them: ketchup and mustard. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/37 "2004-06-01T19:34:44Z")
> [@shade](#): > > > [@swampbear](#): > > > > > [@Neidhart](#): > > > > > > Hey, my great-great-grandparents nearly starved to death in the Irish Famine! I guess that means I get a free pass, too. > > > > Only if you beat your kids with potatoes. > > Shouldn’t he be beating his kids with an absense of potatoes? I think the Irish Famine defense only applies to PotatoHead abuse. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/38 "2004-06-01T22:00:17Z")
Hmm, let’s see… I’m half Filipino, so my ancestors killed Magellan, so that means I harbor a lingering resentment for Spaniards, especially because they took over the country. But I probably also have some Spanish blood as a result, so I have some self-loathing as well. Oh, but wait, Magellan sailed under the Spanish flag, but he was actually Portuguese, so I hate the Portuguese too. And yet I also have some Portuguese ancestors, what to do? There are also Irish, German, Czech, French, Algonquin, and who knows how many other genes battlling it out in me, and my wife’s half WASP and half Jewish by way of Russia and Austria. It’s a wonder I haven’t exploded by now. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/39 "2004-06-01T22:23:01Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > Shouldn’t he be beating his kids with an absense of potatoes? No, he should put his children inside an empty sack of potatoes and procede to beat the living lights out of them with a rusty plow. ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/40 "2004-06-01T22:59:45Z")
My ancestors were French nobility. Guess I’ll line up for my asskicking now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057.md?page=3)