# I beat my kid to death because massa beat my ancestors. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057 "2004-06-01T12:42:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/41 "2004-06-01T23:08:17Z")
**Chastain86** : Actually, that gives you a free pass to guillotine anyone you damn well please. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/42 "2004-06-01T23:12:43Z")
Also, you get to shit in every room of your house, and you never have to shower again. Stock up on perfume though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/43 "2004-06-01T23:41:51Z")
Let’s see, I’m Irish-German-Polish-Slovak-Hungarian. So I guess I need to beat myself over the head with potatos and then try to invade my room with a tank? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/44 "2004-06-01T23:44:11Z")
No, I think you’re supposed to _parachute_ into your own room using a 'chute made out of an empty potato bag, and then… I don’t know, build a Skoda or something. ---
**Author:** ![Padmaraga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Padmaraga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padmaraga)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/45 "2004-06-02T00:30:34Z")
Yep, this news article made me so proud to live in (well, near) Portland. Which race/ethnic group/nationality do I have to be to excuse personal responsibility for killing lawyers and assistant professors with whacko “disorder” theories? ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/46 "2004-06-02T00:37:27Z")
My God! It looks like we’ve finally found a legal theory so bizzare that _not one_ Doper is willing to attempt to justify it??? It must be a Sign of the Apocalypse. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/47 "2004-06-02T00:47:52Z")
I am the descendant of Icelandic Vikings, Eirikur Raudi (Eric the Red) and his son, Leif Eriksson. I shall now discover North America, and leave a colony to fail. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/48 "2004-06-02T00:56:10Z")
Isn’t this what the Civil Rights movement was trying to stop? The idea of the “savage darky” who can’t help himself, he’s so violent, therefore he’s a danger to White women and children? :dubious: What do these assclowns hope to accomplish? Perpetuating MORE racial stereotypes? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/49 "2004-06-02T00:59:07Z")
Just think, if the guy gets off using this defense, he’s got a license to go and beat up Mexicans. After all, he’s had to deal with having Cortez for a middle name… ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/50 "2004-06-02T01:07:07Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > My God! It looks like we’ve finally found a legal theory so bizzare that _not one_ Doper is willing to attempt to justify it??? > > It must be a Sign of the Apocalypse. “Dr. Joy” btw, has her own [website](http://www.oneness.org/drjoy.html). You can purchase t-shirts, greeting cards AND the “Axiology and Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome lecture” (for a mere $20) [http://www.oneness.org/store.asp](http://www.oneness.org/store.asp) Ummm. Yeah. Fight the power. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/51 "2004-06-02T03:31:21Z")
> [@GingerOfTheNorth](#): > > I am the descendant of Icelandic Vikings, Eirikur Raudi (Eric the Red) and his son, Leif Eriksson. I shall now discover North America, and leave a colony to fail. My late grandfather, the nice Jewish boy from Riga, used to tell us that we were descended from Leif Ericsson. Either that or the Delaware Indians, depending on what kind of mood he was in - they supposedly migrated across North America, over the Bering Strait, and all the way across Eurasia, before taking the boat from Riga to Philadelphia. Combine that with the other bits of the family, who are from southern Poland, Ukraine, and Belarus via Canada, and well, I guess I can pound the crap out of pretty much anyone on the Eurasian landmass if it strikes my fancy. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/52 "2004-06-02T04:02:19Z")
I’m mostly Irish, Scottish and German. Does this mean I can legally blow up anyone who appears to be English, while piss drunk on Guiness, wearing a kilt, half my face painted blue, a bellyful of haggis and potatos and then get invade France when I get bored of that? Okay, I have a little French in me, but I’ll just use that to be Snooty and unappreciative. I’ve got some dutch too, but I have no idea what the Dutch are supposed to do. Cover people’s peni with gold? (Perhaps the Dutch don’t have a personality if I can’t think of any “Dutch” stereotypes?) “I don’t speak freaky diky dutch”. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/53 "2004-06-02T04:08:58Z")
> [@Eva Luna](#): > > My late grandfather, the nice Jewish boy from Riga, used to tell us that we were descended from Leif Ericsson. Either that or the Delaware Indians, depending on what kind of mood he was in - they supposedly migrated across North America, over the Bering Strait, and all the way across Eurasia, before taking the boat from Riga to Philadelphia. Combine that with the other bits of the family, who are from southern Poland, Ukraine, and Belarus via Canada, and well, I guess I can pound the crap out of pretty much anyone on the Eurasian landmass if it strikes my fancy. I’ll stick my German vs. your Polish… and my Irish and Scots versus your Ukranian and Beluruian. Sure they may not be able to beat them, but their nothing more scary then a bunch of half naked men with roge on their faces, giant swords and Kilts. KILTS for GODS SAKE! Hell, those people play with trees and eat organ meat! As for the Irish, they get increibly drunk and either toss a bomb through the eastern european windows, or just adopt/marry them and beat the crap out them every night. I’m not touching the Indian or the Jewish parts. I saw enough of that in “Blazing Saddles”. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/54 "2004-06-02T04:13:55Z")
The last post should end with a big 😃 Actually, that would be a great idea for a thread. “Ancestry Deathmatch”. Make the case for your ancestry beating up everyone elses. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/55 "2004-06-02T04:36:01Z")
Hey, I know what I’ll do-I’ll get stinking drunk, dress up in dirndl and bodice, then stick myself in a round cottage and try to find the corner! I should be pretty busy! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/56 "2004-06-02T04:36:57Z")
> [@Coldfire](#): > > I’m not talking about that rip-off Anglo Batavia, woman. I speak of the real thing, the proper Dutch city of Batavia. Although the locals insist on calling it Jakarta for some reason. 😉 Wasn’t Batavia actually the ancient name of the lands where Benelux is now, and the Indonesian city was named after that? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/57 "2004-06-02T05:01:07Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > I’ve got some dutch too, but I have no idea what the Dutch are supposed to do. You’re supposed to wear wooden shoes while you perform all the other acts you listed. Oh, and corner the tulip market. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/58 "2004-06-02T05:52:21Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > You’re supposed to wear wooden shoes while you perform all the other acts you listed. Oh, and corner the tulip market. Can I beat people to death with the shoes, then bury them in the tulip garden? ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/59 "2004-06-02T06:10:20Z")
Well, one of my ancestors was not actually the guy he claimed to be, because that guy didn’t emigrate, but rather got sick, missed the boat, and died in England, later. No one knows who he was, prior to becoming the man who founded that branch of the family in America. (Ersatz Pennsylvania Dutch) So, I can do whatever I want, to anyone. But I have to feel really guilty about it. Tris ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2004, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057/60 "2004-06-02T10:31:51Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > “savage darky” BAND NAME!!! Alas, only a hip-hop or rap group could get away with it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-beat-my-kid-to-death-because-massa-beat-my-ancestors/248057.md?page=4)