Congratulations! And welcome to the US! Enjoy your stay.
Nice to hear one of the not a nightmare stories about INS, errr BCIS for a change.
Congratulations!
(A multitude of trumpets and cornets erupt in a cascading fanfare. Tympani thunder in anticipation of LolaCocaCola’s approach.) Can you hear me? OK, cue the race car drivers with the big bottles of Champagne. A small tiff with the Sedan Chair Workers, Local 55558, as Lola opts to walk! An orchestra launches into Bonaparte’s Retreat from Rodeo, by that Yank.
“Dagnabbit!” says Lola. “I asked for roaming buffalo steaks. Don’t gimme that ‘Beef, it’s what’s for dinner’ music! Pshaw…”
The camera goes for a big farmland shot, with Lola in hot pursuit. “Acres of mint in Starke County await the fragrant harvest. Huge bins of mint leaves are steamed, then returned to the fields.”
“Hey!” Lola, a bit out of breath, says…
(Nott signals to the dugout. The manager walks out to the mound, signalling which poster he wants to take over.)
Congratulations and welcome. :>
Congratulations, Lola. Glad to have you.
Glad to have you here, my fellow citizen.
Reminds of a wonderful story from when I was in publishing. One of our authors (Grace Chetwin, who writes wonderful sci-fi fantasy stuff for kids), had this wonderful English accent. All Dame Judy Densch-ish, dontchewknow.
She called to tell me she’d recently taken her citizenship oath, and was now a US citizen, but she also said that people always ask about her accent, and ask her what country’s she’s from.
To which she always replied, in that fabulous British accent: “Why, I’m an American!”
It loses something when it’s written down, but when she said it, it positively delighted me.
Congratulations, Lola.
Well congrats! I did it the easy way by being born in the US of A. You actually had to make an effort.
<king of the hill>
Do you know who the 17th president was? Eh? I more indiginous than you; I earned my indiginity!
</koth>
Congrats.
Does this mean we have to trade someone to Australia? Like maybe a dissident to be named later?
Congrats!
Lola:
Tell us the process you went through on the day. Each state handles it differently.
In NJ, the selected candidates are told to be at the INS office in Newark at the same time (9:00 am, IIRC) and expect to spend all day. Once the office staff wakes up, everyone approaches a person at a counter, who takes your notification letter, other papers, passport, etc. and stacks them up. Then you wait. Once everyone has done this, the next phase starts. About 4-6 people rotate throught the stack of applications, picking one off the top and calling out a name. The interviewer lead the applicant to their desk, and while reviewing their papers, ask questions like, "Who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death’ "? Or “What are the three branches of the Government”? I had found a number of sample citizenship tests on the 'net and studied them until I knew every answer.
People are sent away, usually to appear sometime later, with something they have forgotten. Some don’t come back. There is a lot of milling about.
My interviewer was a 40ish black woman. After she asked about 6 questions, she looked at my tax return and exclaimed, “You owed THAT much in taxes?” (I had had a “good” year and also underdeducted).
“Yes”, I said.
“Did you pay it?”
“Yes”, I said. “I saw ‘The Untouchables’.” (This didn’t even get a reaction.)
“Well”, she said, “There’s an IRS office on the main floor of this building. Take this paper down there and have them verify that these taxes are paid. Then bring it back to me.”
“Yes’m.”
So off I went to the IRS office, which was astoundingly empty. I gave the slip of paper to one of two ladies behind the counter and watched in amazement, while she went from file cabinet to file cabinet, pulling a reference sheet and going to another file cabinet. After about five minutes, she came back, stamped the slip of paper, signed it and gave it back to me. Not a computer in sight! I took it upstairs and waited to hand it in. After that, I waited.
I had brought a book, crosswords, snacks, water and the like, but I was also treated to Spanish daytime soaps to watch if I so desired. During all of this, you are told nothing. I had no real idea whether I was supposed to be waiting or going home. Asking what to do got the same answer, “Sit down. Wait”.
“But I had the interview, and I was wonder…”
“Sit. Wait.”
“But what happens nex…?”
“Sit. Wait.”
Eventually, at about 4:30, a guy comes out and gives a little speech on citizenship, its responsibilities, rights etc. then you all say The Pledge of Allegiance together. Each person is then called, all your papers are given back to you along with your Certificate of Citizenship. It’s all over by about 4:55. As he hands you your stuff, he says, “Congratulations. You can go now”. I didn’t wait.
Congrats, Lola
Now to become a real New Yorker, you have to come to a NY Doper gathering.
Congratulations, Lola!
It’s a subtler test than it appears. The correct answer to “Who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death’ ?” is “You did, just now.” There not checking for historical knowledge, they’re screening for potential schizophreniacs who hear voices in their head. As for the second question, that was an easy one. Anytime they ask for three things, the correct answer is “the Pinta, the Nina, and the Santa Maria”.
Glad I could offer this help. Good luck, future citizens!
:::::::::;Throws confetti! :::::::::::::::::::::::::
Glad to have you on board! One more smart American, now we just have to get rid of …oh…a boat load. ( Hey, are they still Transporting criminals, prostitutes and general unsavory characters to the land of Oz? 
)
Now here are the real rules of being an American:
-
To promise to take Reality TV much to seriously.
-
Own at least one cell phone, have internet access available at all times including a hotmail account with words like Luv, Munki, SexiKitti and Boobs in the address.
-
Promise to spend at least four hours a day surfing the web for nothing in particular.
-
Promise to never return emails, phone calls, voicemails or write actual letters.
-
Promise to own an SUV with all the bells and whistles.
-
Promise that if you have ever learned how to parallel park, you will promptly, as an American, lose these skills.
-
When traveling to a foriegn country whose natives do not speak english, promise that you will speak in a loud, obnoxious voice trying to get my point across. Promise that you will wear black socks and sandals as a part of the offical uniform of the Traveling Yank.
-
Promise to put on twenty pounds because of the sudden inability to not resist drive thru food.
9.Promise you will mock all public officials and vote by the standard mantra “Which candidate will do the least amount of damage to the nation?”
-
Promise to go to Disney (Mecca for Yanks) at least once every five years and Vegas at least twice in my life.
-
Promise to defend to my last breath my right to live like an infidel and all the perks of being a Satanic State.
Ok, yer in.
Gee, I thought Australia was already a part of the US. Like Manitoba. 
Congrats, Lola! Glad to have you.
Wow! Thanks, everyone!
sniff
My heart is full.
Lemme take a stab at responding to some of those comments and queries:
EJsGirl: Awright! Glad to hear about your BIL. Aussies are severely under-represented in this fine land. Probably cuz none of them wanna leave their fine land. heh.
AskNott: That’s uncanny! That is exactly how I celebrated my new status yesterday. It’s almost like you were there! :dubious:
Billdo: Thanks, and hopefully I will actually make one of those doper shindigs one o’ these daze. It’s just that, y’know, I don’t really know anyone 'n stuff. shuffles feet
NutMagnet: Gotta love that username! Lessee, how did my process go…
Here’s a synopsis:
June 17, 2002: Notice of receipt of N-400 (App. for Naturlization)
July 30, 2002: Fingerprinting for the background check (mine were done electronically).
May 14, 2003: Citizenship Interview. I was scheduled at 10:45am, and I was pretty much done by 12 or 12:30. My officer was a 40-ish Panamanian lady - very pleasant. She basically skimmed through my application and verified some of my answers (she didn’t ask me for any additional documents i.e. tax returns, etc.) She asked me the FULL ten questions for my civics test - I got all ten right! She was impressed because, believe it or not, many people fail. She said it’s usually the people who grew up and went to school here in the States that fail the test. Haha. And that was pretty much it!
June 11, 2003: Oath Ceremony. It started around 8:00am and ended around noon. There were approx 300 people being sworn in that day with me.
June 12, 2003: Applied for US Passport.
The rest of my life: NO MORE IMMIGRATION INTERVIEWS, NO MORE INS/BCIS, NO MORE LINES, NO MORE FORMS, NO MORE WAITING, NO MORE RED TAPE!!
Hoowah!
P.S. How much ya wanna bet I get called into Jury Duty within the next month?
Well, Citizen, how’ya gonna meet anyone if you don’t come to one? Besides, most of us NY Dopers don’t really bite (though some will offer gentle nibbling if you’re interested).
Congratulations, Lola!!!
I’ve heard that the hardest part for “non-home-grown” Americans is learning the secret handshake. I’ve never really found it to be difficult but…
What?? She doesn’t know about the handsh… Then how can she get in the meetings? OOOooooooooh.
Anyhoo, welcome welcome welcome! And come South! We love people with accents down here!
(and just ignore that part about the handshake, Mmm’Kay?)
Haha DeVena! Thanks!
I actually have lived down South before! I moved there from NYC for a year or so and wouldn’t you know those bastids had the nerve to call me a damn Yankee!
Until, of course I reminded them of the fact that I was actually originally from further South than y’all!