# I bought some salsa. It kinda ... sucks. Help me fix it? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 25, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930 "2011-01-25T16:14:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/1 "2011-01-25T16:14:43Z")
I like keeping chips and salsa at work for snacking, but on my most recent trip to the grocery store they were out of my usual brand of salsa. “Self,” said I, “take a chance on something new! Be adventurous!” So I did. And I regret it. New Salsa has, for something labeled “medium,” not much heat. It’s disappointingly bland and mild even for a gringo(a) like me. It does, however, feature giant honkin’ chunks of vegetables; if I make an “OK” symbol some of the chunks are as big as the space I define with my thumb and forefinger. (How many Dopers just did that and then glanced down at their hand?) I don’t want to just chuck an almost-full jar of salsa, so I’ve decided I’ll take it home and rehabilitate it, Cesar Milan-style. 😛 Clearly, it’s going into a food processor to break down the biggest pieces. What else should I do? If I sprinkle in some red pepper flakes, will the heat incorporate, or will it just have little spicy bombs in an otherwise-bland background? (Should I give it a day or two to sit if I do this?) Anything else I should add to make it delicious? Any Dopers done this themselves before? P.S. Please, don’t tell me to make homemade salsa instead. For one, I know how, and for another, it’s the middle of winter and tomatoes are not ezzactly at their best, so premade jarred stuff is at least as good as what I’m able to make at home right now. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/2 "2011-01-25T16:19:34Z")
Red pepper flakes would be a good addition. So would pickled jalapeno slices. I’d also toss in some more diced onion, some more garlic (they never use enough), some cilantro and a healthy squeeze of lime juice. _Then_ run it through the food processor for a few whirls. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/3 "2011-01-25T16:23:10Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Red pepper flakes would be a good addition. So would pickled jalapeno slices. I’d also toss in some more diced onion, some more garlic (they never use enough), some cilantro and a healthy squeeze of lime juice. _Then_ run it through the food processor for a few whirls. This, but I’d use a liquid hot sauce instead of red pepper flakes for more even distribution of the hot. Tabasco or whatever you have lying around would work fine. Barring that, powdered cayenne would be a good bet as well. I just think the pepper flakes would be the aforementioned spice bombs in an otherwise bland sauce. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/4 "2011-01-25T17:04:28Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Red pepper flakes would be a good addition. So would pickled jalapeno slices. I’d also toss in some more diced onion, some more garlic (they never use enough), some cilantro and a healthy squeeze of lime juice. _Then_ run it through the food processor for a few whirls. If you’re going to put all that stuff in (unless you already have it in your refrigerator), you might as well just buy a new, better jar of salsa. A bunch of cilantro in the produce section costs almost as much as a jar of store brand red stuff. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/5 "2011-01-25T17:09:59Z")
I just want to report that I bought a 16 oz jar of Rite Aid’s store gourmet brand “Savory Collection” salsa, for one dollar, and it isn’t bad. I am sure it was on sale, but still. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/6 "2011-01-25T17:56:27Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > If you’re going to put all that stuff in ( **unless you already have it in your refrigerator** ), you might as well just buy a new, better jar of salsa. A bunch of cilantro in the produce section costs almost as much as a jar of store brand red stuff. You mean you don’t? 😛 Everything but the cilantro is in my fridge. But I have cilantro cubed and bagged in the freezer as well. You just have to buy when the stuff’s on sale. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/7 "2011-01-25T18:03:52Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > If you’re going to put all that stuff in (unless you already have it in your refrigerator), you might as well just buy a new, better jar of salsa. A bunch of cilantro in the produce section costs almost as much as a jar of store brand red stuff. Wow. It’s like 33 or 50 cents a bunch here. And limes are like 10 for a buck. The joy of living in a Mexican neighborhood. 🙂 Anyhow, I’d buy some fresh serranos or habaneros (depending on what level and flavor of heat I’m going for), mince them finely, and throw them in the salsa. And probably add a squeeze of lime, too. > [@](#): > > P.S. Please, don’t tell me to make homemade salsa instead. For one, I know how, and for another, it’s the middle of winter and tomatoes are not ezzactly at their best, so premade jarred stuff is at least as good as what I’m able to make at home right now. I won’t tell you to make homemade salsa, but a good brand of canned tomatoes works really well. Muir Glen Fire-Roasted being my choice for homemade salsa. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/8 "2011-01-25T18:44:33Z")
Throw in some Tapatio, that should do the trick. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/9 "2011-01-25T18:52:01Z")
[Mix](http://www.sadiessalsa.com/) 50/50 with a decent salsa. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/10 "2011-01-25T19:44:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > But I have cilantro cubed and bagged in the freezer as well. How the heck do you cube cilantro? Cubed meat and cubed cheese, I get. Is this something different? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/11 "2011-01-25T20:32:26Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > How the heck do you cube cilantro? You multiply it by itself twice? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/12 "2011-01-25T20:34:49Z")
“Cubed”. Yeah, I could have been clearer about that. What I mean is “I have diced cliantro that has been measured into ice cube trays, covered with water, and frozen.” We do that with cilantro, basil, and a few other herbs. That way you always have “fresh” herbage to add to sauces and the like. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/13 "2011-01-25T20:40:18Z")
What you need is some hot sauce and Velveeta. American or cheddar or that white Mexican cheese will also do, but Velveeta is actually better at melting than real cheese. Dice or shred the cheese or Velveeta, add a little hot sauce, and the salsa. Nuke until the cheese or Velveeta melts evenly. Taste for heat, adjust if necessary. Serve with tortilla chips or warm flour tortillas. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/14 "2011-01-25T22:35:04Z")
> [@Gangster\_Octopus](#): > > Throw in some Tapatio, that should do the trick. Is that something I should be afraid to Google while at work? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/15 "2011-01-25T22:38:13Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Is that something I should be afraid to Google while at work? 😕 Not at all, its pretty common in grocery stores and in restaurants around here. [Tapatio](http://www.tapatiohotsauce.com/) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/16 "2011-01-25T23:09:31Z")
You could also use [Cholula](http://www.cholula.com/). The Chili-Garlic one would do nicely. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/17 "2011-01-25T23:21:24Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You could also use [Cholula](http://www.cholula.com/). The Chili-Garlic one would do nicely. Yes, Cholula is also very good for this, but defintiley NOT Tabasco. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/18 "2011-01-26T02:28:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > diced cliantro that has been measured into ice cube trays, covered with water, and frozen. Ah, ignorance fought\*. Thanks. - it won’t be so easy next time! ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/19 "2011-01-26T02:41:11Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > And limes are like 10 for a buck. Holy crap! I’m jealous. > [@pulykamell](#): > > I won’t tell you to make homemade salsa, but a good brand of canned tomatoes works really well. Muir Glen Fire-Roasted being my choice for homemade salsa. **purple** basically _is_ making salsa here, just using a crummier tomato base with a few things in it (not that salvaging something already paid for isn’t worthwhile). But if the rest of the fresh ingredients _are_ already on hand, this would be the thing to buy, to go ahead and make the next batch. It’ll easily beat most storebought prepared stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930/20 "2011-01-26T02:56:56Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > P.S. Please, don’t tell me to make homemade salsa instead. For one, I know how, and for another, it’s the middle of winter and tomatoes are not ezzactly at their best, so premade jarred stuff is at least as good as what I’m able to make at home right now. Not telling you to make homemade, but I did want to say in response to this: You should used canned. For salsa and pasta sauces, canned tomatoes are almost always better than fresh tomatoes in almost any season in almost any region. I came to this conclusion myself several years ago, and have since seen it confirmed by people who would know what they were talking about. Which people? Don’t remember, but it happened. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-bought-some-salsa-it-kinda-sucks-help-me-fix-it/568930.md?page=2)