# I broke into a house and took a dump ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 2, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679 "2001-08-02T19:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@Arken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arken)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/21 "2001-08-03T00:05:05Z")
A little bit more to add creedence to the idea of finding DNA in feces… recently, I saw an interesting show on Discovery Science about a couple of biologists (one a skeptic, one a believer) searching for a rumoured giant ground sloth in the Amazon rainforest. They never found it, but they did find some feces which was taken back and analyzed and the DNA present showed it to be an anteater… therefore, DNA is present in mammal feces. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/22 "2001-08-03T00:12:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > \*\*They can fire another turd out your ass, and compare the markings. > Oh wait, that’s bullets, never mind… \*\* you deserve recognition for that. THAT was funny! ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/23 "2001-08-03T00:51:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by k2dave_: > > With all the talk about napster alternitives being banned how is talking about this illegal activity not being banned. It’s just a hypothetical “what if”, or a “can a criminal be convicted on the basis of waste byproduct evidence?” question. Nobody is asking how to commit crimes, and nobody is telling anybody how to do it. Nor is anybody looking for ways to break the law. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/24 "2001-08-03T01:44:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maeglin \* > \*\*When I was in school, a strange man used to sneak into Hamilton, one of the academic buildings, at night and smear his faeces all over the chalkboards on the seventh floor. > > He became known as the Hamilton Repeat Defecator. > > He was caught in flagrante delicto with his sweatpants around his ankles and his hands on the chalkboard. \*\* What? WHAT?? I’m the only one here who’s dying to know what he was writing??? The School Fight Song? The Defectation of Incontinence, signed and sealed in 1776 by the Incontinental Congress? Mein Krampf, by Hitler? Scat’s Cradle, by Scat Stevens? Gross To The Edge, by YES? Only The Turd Dies Young, by Billy Joel? Stinkchronicity, by The Police? Urine The Money, from an unrememberable Broadway Show? Let It Smear, by The Beatles? Owner Of A Lonely Fart, by YES? Cinnamon, by the Butthole Surfers? 😃 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![zut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zut/32/2875_2.png) [@zut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zut)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/25 "2001-08-03T01:48:20Z")
Not to mention the fact that asking a question like “Can someone tell me the correct procedure for leaving a steaming turd-pile on my neighbor’s sofa?” is a whole lot closer to the realm of ridiculous and pathetic than to the realm of illegal and dangerous. Plus, feces are inherently funny, and Napster is not. ---
**Author:** ![BobT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e8cbc/32.png) [@BobT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobT)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/26 "2001-08-03T01:51:52Z")
Actually people leaving fecal matter behind as a “calling card” isn’t that unusual and is a symptom of mental illness according to a mental health professional I spoke to once. It happened at the library where I work. Somebody sneaked in and slept over in the library and used the curtains as TP. It wasn’t pretty. ---
**Author:** ![johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d07c76/32.png) [@johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnson)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/27 "2001-08-03T01:59:44Z")
I’d say a steaming pile of shit in the middle of my living room is a heck of a lot more dangerous than a copy of Napster in the middle of my living room… The second part of your post, however, is both true and very funny in and of itself. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/28 "2001-08-03T02:15:31Z")
Considering your boasting nature, I feel the need to ask one question: Was there carpet on the floor, or was the house still under construction? Tripler Because a stain would be a pain in the ass (pun intended)! ---
**Author:** ![Zemog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/dc4da7/32.png) [@Zemog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zemog)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/29 "2001-08-03T02:35:02Z")
In the book No Left Turns, a former FBI agent recounts an incident in which a turd was discovered on J. Edgar Hoover’s back porch. He demanded that the FBI Lab analyze the material in order to identify the culprit. The lab was able to, er, get to the bottom of it. Based on the compositon of the turd, they determined that it had come from a raccoon… ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/30 "2001-08-03T03:40:09Z")
My friend was a University RA - one of the people on her floor got wasted and shit (shat?) in the middle of the floor. At least it was her own room. She left res about a week later, haveing spoken to not many people in the intermediate time. Just thought I’d share… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![warmgun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@warmgun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/warmgun)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/31 "2001-08-03T05:36:11Z")
I just got here and I have to 2nd Whammo’s motion - that shit is funny! ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/32 "2001-08-03T06:10:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Attrayant \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by k2dave_: > > > > With all the talk about napster alternitives being banned how is talking about this illegal activity not being banned. > > It’s just a hypothetical “what if”, or a “can a criminal be convicted on the basis of waste byproduct evidence?” question. Nobody is asking how to commit crimes, and nobody is telling anybody how to do it. Nor is anybody looking for ways to break the law. \*\* Yeah man, it’s not like anybody’s giving detailed instructions for making [hash brownies](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a940225.html) or nothin’ . . . ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/33 "2001-08-03T06:26:20Z")
. . . or [creating zombies](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/990521.html), which I’m _sure_ must still be illegal in some states . . . ---
**Author:** ![tobytobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b3f665/32.png) [@tobytobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tobytobe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/34 "2001-08-03T06:27:05Z")
Can’t you just see your friends here turning you in after this airs on “Unsolved Mysteries”??? ---
**Author:** ![brad\_d](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@brad\_d](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brad_d)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/35 "2001-08-03T06:37:31Z")
**Who shat in the hat?** Apparently, a town in England is [trying](http://www.woofs.org/issues/0897/story6.html) to enforce pooper-scooper laws by getting DNA samples from stray dog turds and comparing them to their doggie database. 'Course, it seems that donation of each pooch’s hair as a DNA sample is still voluntary, illustrating the problem with all this that **flyboy88** points out. ---
**Author:** ![G.Nome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c89c15/32.png) [@G.Nome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.Nome)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/36 "2001-08-03T12:57:53Z")
What about this: The FBI could match your “sample” with your supermarket purchases if you use an electronic payment system. You probably buy a reasonably individual set of groceries each week - like every week I buy soya milk and the same kind of bread and yoghurt and cheese. I stick with the same brands more or less and pay with EFTPOS. I believe that if it’s possible to store information permanently about what I consume then that will be the case - it is likely to be happening. So, there you go - if analysis showed your excrement was made of Fruit Loops, Big Macs, Carrot Cake and Budweiser (1999) and you had, in fact, bought these items, it would be “give me the keys you cocksucking motherfucker” time for you. Does that work? ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/37 "2001-08-03T13:05:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > **…drive-by turd attack…** And here I was thinking “Drive-by _shitting_” ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/38 "2001-08-03T14:35:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by G. Nome \* > \*\*What about this: The FBI could match your “sample” with your supermarket purchases if you use an electronic payment system. You probably buy a reasonably individual set of groceries each week - like every week I buy soya milk and the same kind of bread and yoghurt and cheese. I stick with the same brands more or less and pay with EFTPOS. I believe that if it’s possible to store information permanently about what I consume then that will be the case - it is likely to be happening. So, there you go - if analysis showed your excrement was made of Fruit Loops, Big Macs, Carrot Cake and Budweiser (1999) and you had, in fact, bought these items, it would be “give me the keys you cocksucking motherfucker” time for you. Does that work? \*\* Apparently, the new technology is such that we will be made to swipe our ATM cards through our buttocks cheeks before swiping the reader. That way, our DNA is processed simultaneously. ( Note to any and all check out persons on this Board. My apologies 😃 ) Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/39 "2001-08-03T14:53:19Z")
I don’t think the Hamilton Repeat Defecator was capable of such erudition, **Cartooniverse**. As far as I know, the only work he was referencing was _Paint it Black._ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679/40 "2001-08-03T15:20:20Z")
Anyone else think of **Scylla’s** daughter after reading the OP? Hee hee hee! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-into-a-house-and-took-a-dump/74679.md?page=3)