# I broke up with her and I hate myself for it.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 19, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614 "2010-10-19T02:21:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/1 "2010-10-19T02:21:48Z")
But you don’t understand it HAD to happen. I just didn’t love her like she loved me, but God did I hurt her. I hurt her so much, and it’s killing me because I was hurt…bad…and it was the worst time in my life…how could I do that to another person? It’s not like I don’t love the girl because I do…just not in the marriage fashion. It’s trite as hell but I loved her…I wasn’t IN LOVE with her. The worst part is I could have just faked it for a couple more months because I’m moving. I could have just faked it til I moved, said it wasn’t working, then made a clean break out of it so she didn’t have to see me and constantly have THAT in front of her. She’s the only friend I have. I have people problems in that I don’t get very close to people and it’s hard for me to get close to someone, and I’m going to lose that. I’ll hang out with other people, but never really enjoy it and I really really enjoyed hanging out with her, and talking with her, and being with her…but damn it all I just don’t…_feel it_…in my heart…that she is the one. There were ways that we were just too different. I am not a touchy-feely person. Frankly I don’t like to be touched by pretty much anyone…and that was the total opposite with her. She loved to be claimed, always needed to be touched, and coddled and it was just too polar opposites for us. It started to affect how we were in public, and even to a point in private. So we weren’t right for each other. I just didn’t wish it hurt her so much. I wish I didn’t hate myself for it. I wish that I loved her the way she loved me…the way I loved the one who destroyed me 2 years ago. I guess I don’t know why I started this thread. I don’t know if I wanted retribution confidence, or maybe to just get it all off my chest. I don’t have my girlfriend anymore…but now…I don’t have anyone… ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/2 "2010-10-19T02:56:32Z")
You did what was best for yourself, and that’s no crime. I hope your heart heals. But at least you know you did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/3 "2010-10-19T03:31:43Z")
You did the best thing for her as well. Now, since she’s free, she’s able to find someone who really loves her. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/4 "2010-10-19T03:51:27Z")
While I generally avoid these kind of threads, MoodIndigo1 is exactly correct—You ARE doing the right thing by her, even if she dosen’t know it at this time. Best to you both!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/5 "2010-10-19T04:21:36Z")
Well, you ripped the bandaid off - it’s gonna sting for a while. 🙂 (Please don’t beat yourself up, if you did what was right for both of you in the long run.) ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/6 "2010-10-19T06:02:03Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > The worst part is I could have just faked it for a couple more months because I’m moving. I could have just faked it til I moved, said it wasn’t working, then made a clean break out of it so she didn’t have to see me and constantly have THAT in front of her. No, then she’d have thought the move was the reason for the breakup, and as soon as circumstances changed, you’d be back. I will say this, though. I don’t know you or her, so for all I know this does apply. > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Terry McMillan** > You’re waiting for a [wo]man to come along who’ll make you feel fireworks. And [s]he may very well be out there. All I’m saying is that sometimes you have to work a little harder at _starting_ the fire, and it may burn a whole lot longer. If she really was the only friend you had, you need to do **something** about that. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/7 "2010-10-19T14:56:17Z")
What you did to her was a kindness. It doesn’t feel like it now, but it was. You’ve released her from a relationship that wasn’t working. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/8 "2010-10-19T20:05:52Z")
Most relationships don’t work out. When you’re in one, it feels like the end-all, be-all. The guilt will subside, OP. You did the right thing. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who felt all “meh, I love \*\*Sir \*\*but I’m not IN love with him, ya know?” ---
**Author:** ![may\_be\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@may\_be\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/may_be_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/9 "2010-10-19T21:03:11Z")
No offense but you are being a gigantic puss about this. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/10 "2010-10-19T21:13:51Z")
Ouch. I’ve been there. Being the breaker upper can be just as bad as being the breaker uppy. There’s the guilt, the misgivings, and the odd sensation that you may never meet anyone ever again. Time will heal it, but it can seem like a long time. I went through something like this last year. I loved her right through the end (I still do), but I wasn’t happy. And it wasn’t fair to her to keep going, because she really wants marriage and I wasn’t prepared to give that to her. I’m not sure which one of us felt worse about it. I saw her again about six months later, and being that it was at a funeral, let’s just say it was an emotional day. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/11 "2010-10-20T04:10:25Z")
Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts!! It still hurts and we’re gonna work through it, but it’s nice to know I have some support somewhere. > [@may\_be\_ignorant](#): > > No offense but you are being a gigantic puss about this. Ok maybe not everyone has kind thoughts 😛 No offense taken because I AM a giant puss. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/12 "2010-10-20T04:52:08Z")
As one who was in your GF’s place PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not weaken and give in and go back with her because you love her and want to be with her (but secretly aren’t IN LOVE with her). I was that girl, and my bf just couldn’t let me go because he felt the same way you did. It would have been far kinder to me, if he had made the first breakup the final and ONLY breakup. You did the right thing, and I’m sorry it hurts, it will get better though. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/13 "2010-10-20T04:59:42Z")
I guess I’m the only one who wants to pour iodine on the wound. If you really enjoy spending time with this person, but don’t like to be touched… I’m seeing a whole can of worms with each relationship going forward. I really don’t want the details but the difference between close friends and a relationship is intimacy. Were you never attracted to her physically or is there some other issue. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/14 "2010-10-20T18:58:41Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > I guess I’m the only one who wants to pour iodine on the wound. > > If you really enjoy spending time with this person, but don’t like to be touched… I’m seeing a whole can of worms with each relationship going forward. I really don’t want the details but the difference between close friends and a relationship is intimacy. Were you never attracted to her physically or is there some other issue. From the context of the story I can see where you would get into this…but it’s not that bad of a problem. By “don’t like to be touched” I don’t like people who I am not dating to be touching me. If we are dating then I am fine with letting her touch me, the only thing I am against when it comes to her touching me is I am very much against PDA. The problem was she is SOOOOO PDA that it was driving a wedge between us. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/15 "2010-10-20T22:26:00Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts!! It still hurts and we’re gonna work through it, but it’s nice to know I have some support somewhere… “… we?” ---
**Author:** ![wopapers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@wopapers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wopapers)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2010, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-broke-up-with-her-and-i-hate-myself-for-it/557614/16 "2010-10-21T05:08:14Z")
Maybe you can be friends. Me on the other hand continued down the path of inaction causing my (x) GF to become more and more bitchy until she finally said “I don’t want to be THE BITCH in your life so GOODBYE” and I was relieved. Almost happy. I can move on now without being the dumper but instead the (alleged) dumpee. SIGH.