# I Came Back...and I Brought Pie **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 17, 2006, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928 "2006-04-17T01:25:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/21 "2006-04-17T02:55:07Z")
Well, thanks for the pie, but next time don’t volunteer me for anything, 'kay? 😛 :: enjoys his pie :: ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/22 "2006-04-17T03:15:21Z")
There is still that fourth piece of pie there… You should eat it, it is good for you! ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/23 "2006-04-17T03:19:52Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > Heh. Um, being first is a good start. You got anything else? You’re building a very strong case. errrmmmmm… 'Cause I can stump a lot of people in a game of [“guess who I am?”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=7305367&postcount=230) (with, what I consider, a really dead giveaway.) ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_O\_Malley\_s\_Cow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Mrs\_O\_Malley\_s\_Cow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_O_Malley_s_Cow)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/24 "2006-04-17T03:34:40Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > You also get pied…but it’s not warm right now. > > Need a backrub? **Spatial Rift 47** will be more than happy to rub down a fellow pie-goer. Thank you 😉 ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/25 "2006-04-17T05:04:11Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > Aw…what’s wrong? Tell me, what can Pie do for you? Ask not what pie can do for you but what you can do for pie. Is there any left? Apple is my favorite. I have ice cream (and I’d be willing to share). ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/26 "2006-04-17T05:16:55Z")
When will you Americans learn? Pie does _ **NOT** _ contain Fruit! A Real Pie contains Meat, and Gravy. Cheese, Bacon, and Onions are also permitted Real Pie fillings. All other fillings- inlcuding Fruit, Tofu, Mushrooms, Carrots, Corn, and Fish- are an Unholy Heresy and an affront to all that is right with the Real Pie. Further, the only acceptable sauces for consumption with a Pie are Gravy, Tomato Sauce ( **NOT** Ketchup, thank you very much!), and BBQ Sauce. The ANZACs didn’t go charging over the top at Gallipoli to give Johnny Turk a good walloping just so a bunch of tree-hugging pansies could saturate their Poofter Pies with Mayonnaise and other abominations. No, the ANZACs cooked their Real Pies on the water-jackets of their Vickers Guns, before going off to give the Kaiser a solid ass-kicking and then settling down to watch the Cricket! … Sorry, I appear to have spontaneously been channeling [Sam Kekovich](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Kekovich) for a moment there… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/27 "2006-04-17T13:02:14Z")
Pie is, like, _soooOOo ten minutes ago_, fer shur. Rilly. Like, where’s your _strudel_, moon-doggie? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/28 "2006-04-17T15:03:30Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > …moon-doggie? > > 😃 So, you watched _Gidget_ on Saturday night, too, huh? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/29 "2006-04-17T15:20:16Z")
Pie is ten minutes ago? PIE IS TEN MINUTES AGO?!?!!?!?!?!?! Nowayinfuckinghell is pie ten minutes ago ,baby. Pie is here. Pie is now. Pie is the future. pie is in mah belly ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/30 "2006-04-17T15:21:20Z")
> [@Martini Enfield](#): > > When will you Americans learn? Pie does _ **NOT** _ contain Fruit! > > A Real Pie contains Meat, and Gravy. > > Cheese, Bacon, and Onions are also permitted Real Pie fillings. All other fillings- inlcuding Fruit, Tofu, Mushrooms, Carrots, Corn, and Fish- are an Unholy Heresy and an affront to all that is right with the Real Pie. > > Further, the only acceptable sauces for consumption with a Pie are Gravy, Tomato Sauce ( **NOT** Ketchup, thank you very much!), and BBQ Sauce. > > The ANZACs didn’t go charging over the top at Gallipoli to give Johnny Turk a good walloping just so a bunch of tree-hugging pansies could saturate their Poofter Pies with Mayonnaise and other abominations. No, the ANZACs cooked their Real Pies on the water-jackets of their Vickers Guns, before going off to give the Kaiser a solid ass-kicking and then settling down to watch the Cricket! > > … Sorry, I appear to have spontaneously been channeling [Sam Kekovich](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Kekovich) for a moment there… 😃 So…um…I assume you don’t want pie? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/31 "2006-04-17T17:21:41Z")
Why do I deserve a piece? Simple: I don’t really like apple pie that much. Giving a piece to me would serve up some delicious irony, though. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/32 "2006-04-17T17:37:12Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > Pie is ten minutes ago? > > PIE IS TEN MINUTES AGO?!?!!?!?!?!?! > > Nowayinfuckinghell is pie ten minutes ago ,baby. Pie is here. Pie is now. > > Pie is the future. > > pie is in mah belly No-no-no. Danishes, Kolache, or even creampuffs, fer shur, but pie is passe. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/33 "2006-04-17T17:41:15Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Why do I deserve a piece? Simple: I don’t really like apple pie that much. > > Giving a piece to me would serve up some delicious irony, though. Hm. Irony is a powerful ally you have, **Mr. Briston**. Unfortunately, economics state that the supply of pie is severely limited. Irony cannot overcome economics, my good man. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/34 "2006-04-17T19:43:48Z")
Can I interest you in some sort of trade? Perhaps a large chunk of last night’s roast beef for a piece of your pie? I will even throw in a potato. It is a great deal, and I think you should take it. Slow cooked roast beef, tender and juicy. I have had my fill of it and think that I would rather have pie now. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/35 "2006-04-17T20:33:47Z")
Hm… that’s not so bad. Except I don’t eat red meat. Perhaps we can get a third party in on this deal…and you can offer a third-rounder and possibly some cash for this delectable pie. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/36 "2006-04-17T21:37:05Z")
Oooo…roast beef? Ok, let’s deal here people. How’s this sound: I get the roast beef, **The Unkempt One** gets the pie, and **LOUNE** gets the yummy chicken patties I was about to have, plus one of [these things](http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article%7C10001%7C10051%7C/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/SpecialOffers/HG_PR_RABBIT) ('cause my daughter got two of 'em yesterday, thanks to well-meaning relatives). And if the pot needs sweetening…hmmm…well, I won’t give up a third-rounder, but I’ll deal a fifth and sixth for next year’s draft. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/37 "2006-04-17T21:42:39Z")
I do not deserve a piece of the pie. But this is, after all, the season of Easter, when Christians celebrate the gift of grace, given to the undeserving. Therefore, you should give the pie to those who are unworthy. This will demonstrate your great generosity. As a person who is far too lazy to bake, and who really shouldn’t be eating sweets, I am deeply unworthy of a piece of the pie, and that is why you should give it to me. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/38 "2006-04-17T22:16:50Z")
> [@FisherQueen](#): > > …I am deeply unworthy of a piece of the pie, and that is why you should give it to me. Hey! If my “I don’t want it” tact didn’t work, your “I don’t deserve it” ploy better not wind up a winner… ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/39 "2006-04-17T22:19:47Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Oooo…roast beef? Ok, let’s deal here people. How’s this sound: > > I get the roast beef, **The Unkempt One** gets the pie, and **LOUNE** gets the yummy chicken patties I was about to have, plus one of [these things](http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article%7C10001%7C10051%7C/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/SpecialOffers/HG_PR_RABBIT) ('cause my daughter got two of 'em yesterday, thanks to well-meaning relatives). And if the pot needs sweetening…hmmm…well, I won’t give up a third-rounder, but I’ll deal a fifth and sixth for next year’s draft. What about if we change it into a fourth rounder from this year’s draft and next year’s second rounder if i trade you a wheelbarrow full of cash? Raise the ante on your stuffed bunny. You’re almost there, big fella. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928/40 "2006-04-17T22:21:11Z")
> [@FisherQueen](#): > > I do not deserve a piece of the pie. > > But this is, after all, the season of Easter, when Christians celebrate the gift of grace, given to the undeserving. > > Therefore, you should give the pie to those who are unworthy. This will demonstrate your great generosity. > > As a person who is far too lazy to bake, and who really shouldn’t be eating sweets, I am deeply unworthy of a piece of the pie, and that is why you should give it to me. Hm…odd…your argument is vaguely like **Hal’s** , but…you have titties. Titties notwithstanding, I can’t condone laziness! You cannot be pied under such adverse conditions. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-came-back-and-i-brought-pie/352928.md?page=3)